staying with Doxil

[jane65]

Since my husband's union refused to pay for oral Etoposide, my oncologist said when we decide to use it, we'll do it by IV infusion so that won't be a problem for me. We're waiting for a letter explaining why it was refused.

My CA did go down 30 points with Doxil last month, so we've decided to stay with Doxil this month and see if it reduces the CA again, and hopefully the tumors. I had my 80 MG infusion on Monday, and I'm following the instructions to hopefully avoid the side effects that stopped treatments in the Spring.

So tired of hearing that I look good, I have a good attitude or that I'm a fighter.

I look like crap, tired all the time, I've accepted that this fight will eventually be lost, and that my attitude is anger not sadness or depression which will just waste the time I do have. I'm just being realistic.
Jane

[marie3B]

People tell me I look good, too.  Yes, I look like a good candidate to star in a zombie movie but that is it.  I have sunken eyes with dark circles and no eyelashes.  Real cute.  I don't have a good attitude and I often feel I have no fight left.  I did have enough fight a few days ago to get in a verbal altercation with a neighbor man, a 350 pound gangsta.  I lost. Real smart of me.  Marie

[Jane39]

Alot of times is, it's just people don't know what to do, and since I was once in that very position when I had chemo, but the end of my mere 6 months of chemo if one more person made a stupid comment to me, I would of lost it  I've learned not to say certain things, all you can say, is that "I am sorry".  I know you ladies have to be truly exhausted, and tired of the BS.  

[SimplyStar]

When people feel obligated to tell you how you look , would it sound better  to say  "you look like hell" and if it comes from a good friend, have a good laugh about it.   I have been losing weight now for about a year, down to 94 #s, you should hear some of the things they say to me,  sure I would like to gain about 20 #s, easier said than done . but for them to offer me some of their fat,  just how is that done?   I never told Leslee she looked good, I never told her she looked bad either, I would pick something that did look good and comment on that,  One of my last memories of her was seeing her toenails, bright red, her daughters  gave her a manicure right there in hospice,  Les was so pleased with that .  I never think of Leslee as she looked towards the end, my pictures of her are all healthy and smiling .  Its been 2 years now and I still miss her so.  Marty

[marie3B]

One thing that some people say that I do really like is when they say, " I don't know how you do it!"  To me that shows that they really get that it is a daily struggle to fight the disease along with keeping up with the demands of everyday life.  I don't really know how we do it either, but thank God we find a way.  Marie

Marty,  My neighbor always offers me extra pounds too!.  I am with you trying to gain or at least not lose any more.

Marie

[jane65]

Hi ladies,
Thanks for your comments, I have to agree with all of you.

Last night my poor husband came home from work and innocently asked me "how are you?" Stupid me came back with an unnecessary and snappy comment. I apologized to him a short while late, I know it's a normal thing for anyone to ask anyone, but I don't want to be asked and I should have just said "ok".

Being told "I don't know how you do it" actually does make me feel empowered and stronger.

Have a good weekend.
Jane

[marie3B]

I don't know how I did it myself today.  Robin had me take her to several stores to look for a shirt to start her new job.  Shopping drains me, but I forced myself.

I get snappy alot too, Jane.  If Tommy says he is tired I say mean things like, Well, try being full of tumors and see how tired you'd be then.  Yuck.  I hate being like that, but on occasion I am not so nice.