Don’t know what else to do

[Struggling111]

I want my life back I don’t know what else to do. I feel I’m doing everything I can but failing. I was accuaintance raped last year and ever since I’ve had weird symptoms down there that won’t go away. Ive been to numerous doctors, two sexual health clinics, two gynaecologists who all tell me I’m fine beside the high risk hpv diagnosis. But they all say that the hpv won’t be causing the itching discharge and burning. I’ve only been with my partner of six years-we are still together and I’ve never felt like this before the assult. I’ve never felt that irritation down there. The person who assulted me didn’t wear a condom and had slept with loads of women and even prostitues before. I went back to sexual health clinic as I noticed now I have stem like growths on my vagina opening near my hymen and was told they are just normal vaginal papules. But why now and I’m still convinced they must be warts. It’s been 8 months since the assult. I almost atttempted suicide twice, I’ve got all the professional help I can, multiple gp visits, seeing a councillor at rape clinic, seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist..I was on diazepam and sleeping tabs and I was a mess so called mental health team as I wanted to die and I’m now been on antidepressants for a few months. All doctors said it’s prob all in my head cause what happened, the symptoms down there. the symptoms are real though, I want to get another opinion from a dermatologist on what the so called vaginal papules are but I honestly am a mess everyday. Have flashbacks, my psychiatrist started me on antidepressants to help with my symptoms to ptsd, I’m taking my meds and going to all my appointments but I feel so messed up like I hate being in my body I can’t stand it. I’m a mum and trying to be strong I just don’t know how to live like this I’m so angry it’s like my future has been taken from me and my normal body. I don’t want to even have a vagina, I feel sick, I don’t like leaving the house, I feel upset and diseased everyday I don’t know how to live anymore. Thanks for any advice I’m lost

[drifter0213]

certain strains maybe permanent I had hpv between 2 years my body fought back and this will happen for three years for women two for men I had those weird warts that were skin colored and raised up in my crotch area I take Zoloft for PTSD with social impairment SZ mood/panic/anxiety /psychotic disorders tremors TD etc I hope this helps group therapy made me realize im not alone k :)

[Struggling111]

Thanks for commenting- I do have weird bumps that shown up now and been to the dermatologist twice- seen my gynaecologists and they all say the bumps are nothing- not to worry. But what are they! ? I’m so confused but still taking each day as it comes and trying to move forward