Help!! Husband has PTSP - I want OUT!!

[Wildewoman]

We've been married almost 20 years. He has always had depression and would go into "dark days".

In the last 6 motnhs I have had to call 911 three times!!

He has been on 2  - 5150's and they released him last week. 2 days later - he is back to being in a dark place.

When he is fine he is funny, loving, kind and caring. When he is dark - he yells at me and the dogs, he breaks things & then he wants to die.


Last time when he was in therapy the social worked asked me  "why do you stay with him?"

This is after he threw a chair at her and called her a f*^&ing troll! (he nevers swears) 2 days after this incident - she "saw no therapuetic reason for him to be in a locked unit" and he came home.


I am done!!! I am exhausted, humiliated and am tired of crying. My life has become a nightmare and I feel totally hopeless.



****** sigh******

[Wildewoman]

while on the locked unit - he took off his wedding ring and through it at me and yelled - "I WANT A DIVORCE!!" - then the next day - when he was back and so sorry - he asked for the ring back and said he loved me.



I can't live like this.

[drifter0213]

does he suffer from ptsd ?

[drifter0213]

he needs to see a therapist who specializes in PTSD

[MYoungAtHeart]

Drifter 0213 is correct that your husband needs deeper help.  Has he been diagnosed with PTSD and does he go to therapy or is he on any medication to help with the PTSD.

Many mental illnesses can mimic PTSD and your husband does need to be diagnosed by an qualified professional.

As for yourself, there is nothing wrong with taking a time out and moving to a new place or distancing yourself until your husband gets proper help.
Please do not fall for the " I am sorry" routine until you see real improvement in your husband once he starts treatment or therapy...

[brice1967]

A proper diagnosis is necessary to treat his issues.  I'm no doctor so me trying to diagnose is unlawful and, well, ridiculous.  From the descrition you've presented he sounds like he could be manic/depressive, bypolar or perhaps a dozen other things....  Proper diagnosis is essential!

I am so sorry that you have to go through this.  It truly sounds like a nightmare.  "Why do you stay with him?" is a question that you need to honestly answer for yourself.  Is there hope for the marriage?  Is there hope for him getting the help he needs?  Can you stand in there and be his support system after enduring all of this?

Sticking around is a decision only you can make.  While working this out in your head, it might not be a bad idea to start making an exit plan.  Find housing, get money stashed and get yourself some help from enduring this.  It is abuse, but it night not be intentional.  You deserve help, peace of mind, and well being.  If he can't provide that or support you, you may have to do this on your own.  Do your homework.  Look into all of the programs available to someone in your shoes, locally.

I wish you well.

[Wildewoman]

The police just left. Again . . . . . . I came home from work and he was out of control. Saying he wanted to die - he wanted the police to kill him. Then he pulled a nife.

I called 911 and he ran. They are after him right now.

I can't believe this is happening. He saw his psychiatrist this morning and she recommended "marriage counseling"!! What is wrong with these people!! Can;t they see that he is sick???!!

Why can't he get the help he needs!!!!!



Thanks Bryce1967. I am looking into a plan. This is really too much - we have been married 20 years and our lives are very entwined.

I am so sad . . . . .I feel hopeless . . . . .

[brice1967]

At this point, I am more than surprised that your local police department has not issued a 5150 (I believe that's what its called) on your husband.  It is a psychiatric evaluation that normally has the affected person in custody for at least 72 hours so they can completely evaluate his health and the health of those around him.

This is me speaking from my own experience here, but I'd bet he can't get the help HE needs because HE doesn't want the help or doesn't feel the need for help.  A lot of people with issues aren't completely capable of realizing that there is an issue.  It takes a great deal of honesty and the ability to do a self inventory and realize that there is an issue.  Its easier for the mind to pretend there isn't an issue than to go through the "embarrassment" of going through therapy.

My ego fought getting help for my problems for about 15 years.  I was "too big, too strong" to have any mental illness or mental issues, or at least that's what part of me was trying to convince the other part of me of.  The admission of mental problems is a perceived sign of "weakness" to a lot of male ego's.  We are taught that we are the big strong people that just get things done.  Nothing is supposed to bother us.

I still think you need to concentrate on you being healthy and staying healthy, and that includes an exit strategy and everything around that strategy.  It appears this guy is ill and wants nothing to do with getting better.  

For the life of me, I can't believe they don't have him on a psychiatric evaluation hold with as many times as the cops have been called.  This is the system not working, and we don't know enough about mental illness and we care so much about "human rights".... it just gets messy.

[Wildewoman]

Hi Bryce `

They have put him the 5150 - then he gets better and they send him home.


I got an emergency restraining order and will get a real one next week.

This just keep sgetting worse . . . . .

[brice1967]

The system appears to be failing you.  It sounds like he has repeated issues, so I'm surprised that nobody is figuring this out.  There is a problem and he has been apparently misdiagnosed and therefore incorrectly treated.  The system may be the problem.

[nikkidog01]

does anyone know is there is some sort of structered housing available for those that aren't sick enough to be in mental hosp. but too sick to function on their own?

[Mumbra]

I'm no Dr but he seems to be also dealing with bipolar. My sister and two brothers suffer from it. They act the same way. Chin up.