It's been over a year since our violent fight. We were both drunk and completely not understanding one another. I guess I hit him in the head which I can not recall till this day. He was in a serious car accident 4 years ago where a drunk driver hit him and his friends - the result is a titanium plate in his forehead and cheek - he has no recollection of the car accident because he was sleeping.
Well, now after a year later, he has been having flashbacks, nightmares, and psychogenic non epileptic seizures whenever he sees me - no matter what we do - we could be the happiest couple in the world - and he can't sleep at night. We can't even have a tiny tiff or he gets super upset and cranky, then after yelling - he passes out. When he comes back, he can not recall our arguments.
I know I sound like a criminal or a villain, but I am a victim of domestic abuse for many many years before I met my boyfriend. I think it was an impulse that I hit him with the years of physical abuse I faced myself. That isn't an excuse for my action, but within 1 minute (unbeknownst to me) I screwed up my entire existence. I wish someone could tell me how to make him better - I love him more than anything - he was my best friend in the entire world before we started dating - and now he is the love of my life. I hold his head at night crying if I see him shaking or talking and I die inside when I have to bring him back when he blanks out.
I know it would be selfless of me to leave, but he doesn't want me to leave either. We had our lives mapped out - we still love each other till this day. He has never asked me to leave, but now he's getting EMDR therapy and the one chance of recovery isn't going as well as planned.
PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME