Pregnant with our 2nd, Dad has PTSD

[A_2ndChance]

I'm concerned about the safety of my children and myself. My children's father has PTSD from his tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. He moved back in with us this past December. We have an eight year old son together that I feel he is extremely verbally abusive to, when he disciplines him he punches him or slaps him hard in his head, he is verbally abusive to me, and has hit me on three separate occasions in the past four months. He says it's Mt fault he hit me because I know he had the disorder and I was blocking his way when he tried to leave the house and he's not sorry for it. I understand a little about his PTSD because I suffer from Rape Trauma Syndrome PTSD and I have debilitating anxiety and panic attacks. I'm now 15 weeks  & 6days pregnant and I'm afraid that he will hurt our son, cause me to lose this baby (because he's punched me I'm the stomach about a month ago) or possibly hurt this baby after he/she is born. If he doesn't get help for this I feel it would be best for the children's safety if he left our home, however that isis not what I ultimately want. He just came back into our lives. How can I get him some help to keep our family safe and together?

[MYoungAtHeart]

Your post has made me so happy....So many times I thought of you and your family and hoped that all was well...Thank you for posting your update.

I wish you the very best that life has to offer


M

[drifter0213]

commitment ......pass it on! -scotty

[A_2ndChance]

Just wanted to update... It's been a while and I am now 39 weeks and 6 days. My fiance made the courageous decision for himself, me, and our children to get help. He has been getting the best possible treatment available from the VA and we have seen so much of a change in him. He's not becoming, but letting out the man that I fell in love with when I was only 15 years old. I want to thank you for giving me advice when I didn't know where else to turn.We are all working hard to keep our family in the best mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health possible. With God and our love for each other and the great people at the VA I'm no longer afraid and I am confident that we are building the foundation that will allow our family to grow stronger as each day goes by.

[MYoungAtHeart]

My heart goes out to you and the children and the baby who is getting ready to be born...You don't mention the reason you and your babys father broke up before this but feel it might have been the same problems that you are having now that occurred in the past.

Your first concern should be you and your childrens safety.  If your man has or doesn't have PTSD is secondary...I do have to agree with Blu in the last post that you need to either get out of the house or move the man out and in most cases you will have to get restraining orders and maybe pack up belongings and leave and that will  cause you mental and physical anguish.

You are your childrens shields against abuse, fear and pain.  What they are going through will affect them in the future and possibly even the relationship you have with them in the future...

Please know that I do know what you are going through both as a sufferer of PTSD myself and as a child of abuse. I know that you want things to stay the same but change, that is not a concept that is hard for me to understand but I feel that it is unrealistic and just part of the "Wish it to be" concept that anxiety sufferers experience.  Action always means some discomfort but being a active watcher of your children being hurt is not something you should put up with even 1 hour more.

I do hope you make the phone calls or visits to the authorities to get this resolved...and I do wish you all the very best.  Blucrystal has some really down to earth advice and would love to hear back from you that you have taken the steps to heal your and your childrens lives....

M

[BluCrystal]

Thing is this, you cannot force him into treatment, but a judge can.  Take pictures of any injuries he causes, and file a complaint against him at your local courthouse.  Take the children with you.  Never leave them alone with him, or leave them anywhere he may be able to take them from (like school or babysitter).  SHOW THEM the pictures.  TELL THEM while you are there at the courthouse that he lives with you and you fear for the safety of your children, your unborn child, and yourself.  Ask  that he be placed in custody until a court date, or if not, have them tell you where you and your children can go to remain hidden and safe intil then.  This may very well be a home for women and children of domesic violence.  Ask about this.  Then request a POLICE ESCORT to your residence to get things you and your children will need until the court date.
I know this is a big step to take, and scary as hell.  I have done this very thing in the past.  I did it for my children, because as their mother, my first instinct is to keep them safe.  Please do this for your babies!  And msg me anytime. - Blu