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Anyone else have physical symptoms from ptsd?

Hi all- it’s been almost a year now and no relief of physical symptoms since being raped(unprotected). I tried to pretend it did not happen but it did and only spiraled into deep depression anxiety ptsd and was suicidal for months. I got all the tests done at rape clinic and visited doctors like prob 50 times or more as no one could help. I saw two gynaecologists, a ob gyn, then a derm three months ago as I had bumps show up on my vagina which the derm said aren’t warts that they are nothin? Went back for a three month check and she said they aren’t anything(just moles) but I never had them before. I went to the sexual health clinic again and they said I have papules which are normal and all bloods and tests came back neg. I did get high risk hpv diagnosis which doctors say don’t cause symtpoms. Either way my vagina still itches and burns and hurts(never had this in my life before the rape). My partner of over six years is still with me- I don’t know why- I guess like all the doctors told me and he thought the symtpoms were in my head. The past year has been awful, I love my partner and our beautiful kids but my life still feels like it’s been taken. I was on diazepam and sleeping tabs and drinking a lot and wanted to commit suicide a lot but sought help. I’ve was seeing multiple health professionals and still am- doing all I can. I no longer what to end my life but feel so uncomfortable being in my body. I feel disgusting. I have intrusive thoughts all the time. I feel I don’t know how to overcome this. Are these symtpoms in my mind then making me have physical sensations in my body still? I want my body back- my life back- just want one day to feel content and like me again. I guess I find it hard to accept what happened still and wish I did more (fought back) and all that. I am reading mind over medicine right now and it does make sense. I don’t want to constantly be in a stressed response- constantly stressed. I want to be healthy - be in a calmed state so my body and mind can heal. While your body is in the stressed response state and constant it is not functioning properly. I feel I have no control over anything and want to be able to do it. I want to overcome this. I want to live and not just be surviving and struggling through each day. Thanks to anyone reading and have you experienced this- the symtpoms? I don’t know what to do anymore and feel like I’m going crazy. I am on antidepressants and my doc just increased them. I find it very hard being intimate with my partner and do not feel I want to do anything anymore. I still cry a lot most days, I still find it hard leaving the house without crying. I don’t have any social group anymore I completely turned into a hermit and don’t feel comfortable even at home. Find it really hard going out but I do manage to go to the shops and appointments. When I go out I see the world and society in a whole different way-nothing seems as it used to. Any advise, just any response would be great. I feel so alone in this. All my doctors sort of see me as a nauisane(that’s how I feel anyway). I still feel so much pain anger and hurt - I want that person to hurt like they hurt me(they get to live like nothing happened) how do you let go of this? I feel I’m now not a nice person also because I want others to hurt but finding it hard to not feel like this
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973741 tn?1342342773
Oh my gosh, this is a lot to deal with for you sweetie.  Physical symptoms are not uncommon for such a traumatic event and the PTSD that has followed.  We're here to listen!!  Come back and tell us how you are doing and we will listen, support and try to help you!!  hugs
Helpful - 0
I won't even begin to tell you of the stress of my life. Other than when I finally saw the light which took almost a lifetime, I felt it a miracle happening. I am in my twilight years now, but I started writing everything down; praying, that I would forgive so much and forgive myself as I blamed pretty much of the happenings on myself. First of all, I respect other's beliefs when I write this, but my healing came finally. Forgiveness is the key. I searched myself for ways to deal with panic attacks which I started having after I lost my husband through death, my house in a storm, illness and fear. My situation started as a child and I realize now it affected my whole outlook on life. One of the things that really helped me was reading about CBT and doing some of the suggestions they gave. Whenever I start to feel fear, I read the affirmations that I wrote. One was realizing that I am unique and a child of God. these were affirmations I wrote myself. Raised in a environment where love and acceptance was not experienced I suffered with a lifetime of feeling I was not a good person and strived for perfection in myself and others. After writing my feelings down without without withholding all my experiences in what I believed about myself I can't begin to tell you how freeing it was and how much I survived. That alone allowed me to look at myself in a new light. Fear is crippling. Hope is in believing that you are and were loved. Dealing with guilt is a chore in itself and when we come to realize through forgiveness for those that hurt us and forgiving our own imperfections, it is then we can move on.
675718 tn?1530033033
I attend group therapy and realized I was not alone in this fight meds and medhelp saved me from addictions Ptsd and schizophrenia hope this helps :)
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