anyone else with a case of sexual ptsd?

[phina]

i was sexually abused & raped when i was young & still have the traumatic effects today. i have trouble being intimate w/ my bf of 11 months, which is VERY sensitive & embarrassing for me. i feel my ptsd symptoms are in the way of our relationship. any suggestions on this?? i have vivid nightmares, & even during the day i find myself thinking of things, sometimes memories & sometimes just thoughts of men treating women badly, (things ive never experienced but find myself thinking constantly). many movies w/ rape scenes or sex scenes in general affect me (i get flashbacks & in result begin to dissociate while sitting there watching the movie, begin feeling uncomfortable & not wanting to be touched at ALL) this is very awkward for me!! anyone have any suggestions or anything on this? anyone else go through this? im SO sick and tired of feeling so different from everyone else!!!

[narla]

I was sexually abused as a 7 to 10 year old.I've now been married 29 years I'm 47 and I still do not enjoy sex,It is one of the hardest things for my husband to deal with but he tries to be understanding I love him deeply but have to Psyche myself up to endure his loving touches and try not to show how sick in the stomach I feel.

[SpecialKae92]

Almost a year ago I was raped by my boyfriend of half a year and as if trying to get it through my own head wasn't complicated enough, all my friends and family have been looking at me and treating me like I brought it on myself. I ended up dropping out of high school (and getting my GED) because of the stress, lost my boyfriend (a boy who saved me from my ex who was beating me; same guy who assaulted me) and most of my friends. Its comforting in a way to hear that other girls are out there going through similar situations. Its incredibly sad and I wish it wasn't true but we're not alone and thats a step up from feeling at fault. I now have two sets of therapists and constant supervision from swallowing a bottle of painkillers after my boyfriend broke up with me and cutting myself but I have found this amazing group that seems to help a lot when no one is around when I need someone to be. Its called the RAINN group, maybe you've heard of them, if not, you should check them out. They're not as good as a pair of ears or a hug but it helps a lot. Its completely anomynous and they have a forum and hotline for anyone needing it. I hope you start to feel better soon. Now its time for me to be cliche; you are NOT alone. Take Care :]

[blondie337]

hi, am sorry to hear this as i went through somthing similar when i young, and the start of this year i was raped, it is also gud to hear frm somone tht has gone through it 2, not gud but u knw what i mean, i know what u r going through i have the flash backs,nightmares, have bad days when u really cant cope and want to end it! also i found myself detached frm every1 pushing loved 1s away hating myself self harming,im the same as u am sick of feeling like this!being in a relationship must be tough trusting someone again and in the bedrm department sorry i cnt help wit this one as i havent been in a relationship,but recently slept with some1 dnt knw why didnt want to, just thought no one respects me so why shuld i respect my self just thought i need to do it but hated mtself after,have u spoken to anyone about how u r feeling now? that probaly wuld help a lot, the post above is gud, i wuld take note of tht, and think i shuld do as well! sorry if i went on prob doesnt help much but i am goin through the same as u! hope u get through it x

[phina]

I've read a lot of books & such on it & had a couple therapists a few years ago.. they just didn't click with me. I never felt comfortable enough to open up with them & ended up just stopping my sessions altogether. The only reason I haven't looked for another is because I'm in a tight financial thing right now with no money for it...

I guess I've always buried the memories away inside somewhere. I always sort of denied its occurrance, even to myself (I guess I thought if I made myself believe it didn't happen I wouldn't have to deal with it)... I know now that it doesn't work that way... It's coming out & I want to deal with it now so I can move on & not have it eat away at my entire life.

I'll definetly check out the rape crisis center to see if they have a referral for me. I know all this stuff is affecting me & I really really want to get over this & on with me life. Thanks for the tips I really really appreciate it.

[freebird227]

You may feel different from everyone else but your no different from those of us dealing with PTSD. Notice that I used the word dealing.
   Have your memories been repressed or have you always lived in the reality of what happened to you ?
   A good ptsd therapist is almost without saying is going to be your way through the feelings you have.
   If you don't have access to one, call the rape crisis center for a referral.If you're in collage go to your guidance or mental health dept.
    There is a support group called Incest Survivor Anonymous, there may or may not be one in your area.
   Try for the time being try to stay away from trigger provoking movies. I know from experience how terribly important it is to be valiated but believe me recovering from sexual abuse can if not careful will or can become toxic, consumming your whole life.

Reclaiming what was taken from you is so important, enpowering yourself, seeing all your beauty, strength., and personal power.
   Therapy, therapy, therapy  I can't say it enough.Keep posting Be Blessed