Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Driving Wife Crazy

I have had chronic left sided facial pain for 2 & 1/2 years now (and I have migraines on the right side for the past 20 years). The left sided pain is what is killing me and sent me to at least 12 diagnosticians and my current pain physician.  No one knows whats causing my pain but at its worst its a 10/10 and usually takes 30mg of oxycodone, fioricet, 800mg ibuprofen and sometimes soma to get it to go away then I am drugged. When the pain hits I am incapacitated all I can do is lie with an ice pack and wait for the meds to kick in.

My wife has been an angel but I can tell its getting to her, I am a pharmacist and I know its getting to me not knowing whats causing this and just taking pills.  I dont know what to do my wife is my goddess and has been amazing but I dont want to push her away with this pain. I see a psychiatrist and am on antidepressents but somedays lets face it we all give in and wonder if its worth it.   I would love to know if anyone else has this feeling of guilt and how to "deal" with all this and be there for my wife and kids. My wife doesnt want me on anything long acting so I teat as it comes (daily).

I just dont know how to deal with all this and want to cry all the time for making her feel so bad for being so good to me. Am I alone or is there anyone else like me out there?????
6 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
I just wanted to point out, (you probably know, but just in case) that if you are taking certain anti-depressants they can interact with certain migraine meds causing bad reactions.  I don't mean the fioricet, I mean meds like Imitrex.
I was hospitalized with a terrible migraine, then given a spinal tap to make it all the worse and when they tried the imitrex my husband googled "Imitrex and Paxil" which I was also on at the time.  Immediately my blood pressure shot up to 180/100 and my heartrate shot down to 33.  The nurses had no idea about it interaction, and I only knew about it because I had read about it somewhere that I don't even remember.  
I hope you are able to find consistent relief for the pain.  
I feel terrible sometimes when I'm not able to get out of the recliner to make dinner or take care of the house and my husband works all day and has to pick up the slack.  He is wonderful about it all, but I still feel awful sometimes.  
You're definetly not alone.
Helpful - 0
82861 tn?1333453911
Just checking in to see how you're doing this week.  Any improvement?
Helpful - 0
82861 tn?1333453911
Has your wife ever attended a PM appointment with you?  It seems very clear that you do need the long-acting pain meds, and I could just cry thinking that you are refusing possible relief solely to alleviate your wife's fear of them.  Exactly what does your wife object to?  Is it possibly that the names of these meds like "morphine" or "methadone" are what's frightening her?  She needs a little education and from someone other than yourself.  It's worth a shot bringing her in to an appointment and discussing her reasoning with your doctor and with you present.  

Great job in getting the pain shrink on board!  It's a resource that is overlooked far too often.  Of course, therapy won't take away your pain, but it can help us cope with it better.  My husband has been to several sessions with me and it made a world of difference in his understanding of chronic pain in general and its impact on both our lives specifically.  

Have you ever seen an endochrinologist for an evaluation of various hormone levels?  Since it sounds like you've tried about everything else it can't hurt to check it out.  The thought occurred to me when I realized the onset of your headaches was around puberty.  You already know how whacky hormones get during puberty, so is it a coincidence that the headaches started then?  I assume you've seen at least one neurologist.  Was anything at all found on a CT scan or x-ray?  Any spinal fluid analysis?  

An acquaintance of mine had similar headaches and also the same frustrating search for answers.  Depending on activity level, he was either fine or laid out in a dark room unable to move.  He had a minor sports accident around the time that the headaches began - took a roll on the soccer field and had only some body aches.  Nothing hurt badly enough to see a doctor about and he forgot all about it for years.  

A miniscule piece of C1 vertebrae bone had sheared off and ended up nestled against his spinal cord.  If he got really active, a hole would open up.  The pain caused him to be bedridden for a few days, by which time the hole would heal.  He went back and forth with all that mess for years and nothing showed up on imaging studies or any or tests.  Finally the day came that the piece of bone lodged in the spinal cord and left a large enough hole that landed him in the hospital for an inpatient workup.  The sliver of bone  was finally detected and removed.  No more headaches.

I had a spinal headache for a week following a botched myelogram.  I am no stranger to pain and that episode was the worst pain I've ever had in my life.  How on earth you can NOT try long-acting meds is beyond me.  If the docs had said they could get rid of my headache with battery acid injections I would have jumped at it.  Regular stadol injections only somewhat put a dent in it - as long as I didn't move.  You are to be applauded for being so considerate of your wife's fears, but you are harming yourself by allowing her to direct your medical care.  The truth is that you aren't exactly available for her now, right?  If you're laid out from pain so much of the time wouldn't both your lives be better if your pain is better managed?
Helpful - 0
547368 tn?1440541785
Hello Rxman,

Welcome to the Pain Mangement Forum. My heart goes out to you and I can relate to your guilt. You are certainly not alone.

Is your wife also educated in the actions of medications and there effect on pain? If not I would hope that you would help her understand how successful long acting opiates can be in treating chronic pain.

I would not have believed how effective sustained release opiates can be. My physician recently added one to my regime. It makes all the difference in the world. I think that the same can be true for you.

You may suffer less guilt if you are able to function at higher levels. Long acting opiates may very well decrease your pain and get you to that point. But I don't have to tell you that, Certainly with your education you are well aware of the benefits of these meds. You may find it beneficial to take your wife with you on your next appt with your prescribing physician. The ups and downs of your pain would e less extreme. Short acting meds are not near as effective in chronic pain.

My husband is also next to God. His kindness and understand is amazing. He is a saint. However he cannot help but be disappointed when we repeatedly miss outings and gatherings with friends. Much of the housework falls to him.  I can barely cook meals some nights since my change in condition.

So guilt is sometimes even heavier for me but what helps is our close, heart to heart talks. I encourage you to open that dialog. You cannot know what is in your wife's heart if you do not ask. My husband is in this to the end. You wife probably feels the same way. Please talk to her.

We are always here to listen and offer support. I wish you the very best.

Take Care,
~Tuck
Helpful - 0
1324871 tn?1288981706
No my dear you certainly are not alone .I have been having issues with chronic pain for over a year now and my husband has been so good to me .I often feel like I am cheating him  because of my disability .But, he loves me and he took me for better or worse and in sickness and health .He tells me this .I think that sometimes our spouses feel so helpless and it makes them angry that there is nothing they can do to make it all go away .It's easy to misconstrue this and to feel like the anger is directed at you .Think of it this way if the tables were turned and it was her suffering you would want to do everything you could for her .Well , I am sure she feels the same about you .Flower is right you should tell her how you are feeling .Don't keep it bottled up inside .My husband doesn't quite understand my need for all the medicine but accepts it .I would not be able to function without them .He saw how much agony I was in before my pain was treated and would never want me to go through that again .It is hard for others to understand our need for medication .A lot of times they are not educated about narcotic medication and go by what they hear or read or see on Tv .You are a pharmacist so you are most definitely educated about meds and should try to educate your wife about medication .Maybe that will help her to understand better .I am so sorry you are undiagnosed .I have terrible migraines from a skull fracture so I know how debilitating they can be .Please continue posting and let us know how things go for you .Where are my manners ? I should have welcomed you first .Welcome to this forum .We are happy to have you here

Take care  Melissa
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
No, you're not alone at all. It is normal to feel guilty about what we can/can't do with our spouses. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Personally, I think it's a normal feeling. Welcome. Have you talked to her about how you feel? I am very open with my husband about how I feel. We write letters to each other when we have trouble expressing our feelings with words. I bet that if you tell her how you feel, she will understand. I know that it's hard to live this way. I have to go now, because I am having a lot of pain...but I will write more tomorrow.

Flower
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Pain Management Community

Top Pain Answerers
Avatar universal
st. louis, MO
317787 tn?1473358451
DC
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Find out how beta-blocker eye drops show promising results for acute migraine relief.
Could it be something you ate? Lack of sleep? Here are 11 migraine triggers to look out for.
Find out if PRP therapy right for you.
Tips for preventing one of the most common types of knee injury.
Here are 10 ways to stop headaches before they start.
Tips and moves to ease backaches