Problems with family?

[jamlws]

By now you all know my story and how much pain I am all the time. I am on hydrocodone right now that my family dr gave me. I know they won't last til I see the pain dr again so I know I will be in alot of pain until I see him. My pills say to take 1 to 2 pills 4 times a day cause my dr knows how painful my face is. I have been on many pain meds since this started 1 year and 6 months ago.  Anyway I am having a problem with my husband and I don't know if any of you have been through this. With my pain it is in the face so eating, talking and laughing all hurt. So we was out for dinner the other night and we ordered and I knew it was time for my meds and I knew I couldn't eat unless I took them so I did, well after I did I looked over at my husband he just gave me this look and shook his head, I said what? he said nothing and looked away. I have no idea why he did this, I  made sure the kids didn't see me do it or anyone else. But it made me feel like dirt on his shoes. He don't understand how bad this pain can get if I am not on meds and start eating. when he is in pain I have to make him take mortin. I am not a addict, I am in pain and my pain was not caused by anything I did it was the drs that messed me up. If I would of seen him looking at me like that before I swallowed the pills I would of taken them out and not ate at all. Any idea's on how to handle family? I don't take any more then what the dr tells me too, so I really don't know what his problem is but I will not be taking any more pills in front of him I will make sure if we are out I will go to the darn bathroom.
Thanks for listening
Jamie

[dontundertand]

Jam

I know that look all too well. I'm so sorry you're having to experience it. I'm not going to be able to offer you very much advice since I myself am kinda delaying having some difficult conversations with my hubby. The best thing I've heard is that men and women think differently. Men just want to fix everything. Unfortunately for you your pain isn't something that he can wave a wand to and make dissapear. Some of his frustration may just come from his inability to help.

I hope that helps.

[jamlws]

Thank you everyone your words have helped me alot. I will look for that post when I get a chance. The thing with my husband is he will ask me what is wrong with me and I will say I am in pain and he tells me to take a pill. He will be the first one to push them on me if I don't take them. I asked him today why he did what he did and he said he was just messing with me which I don't believe but I made sure he knew how bad he hurt me. He said he was sorry for it so we will see if it happens again but I still won't be taking pills around him but he will know when I am not on meds cause I try not to eat or talk or laugh when I am hurting. Even my daughter she is 11 knows I am in pain cause I try not to eat that much when I am hurting so I sit and pick at my food. I do try to suck it up and eat so the kids don't see but it is just to painful so I can't.  Not sure if my family dr will give me any more meds she has done so far for me already and hydrocodone is the strongest she will give.  I thought taking 8 pills a day was way to much but that is what the bottle says and I am pain so I take them, now knowing they aren't that strong makes me feel better to why they don't last or work very good. You guys have helped me so much and I thank you for that.
Jamie

[sandee1818]

I am sorry you are going through this without support from your husband. I too have a very supportive husband and it really helps. Has your husband had any family or friends that have had addiction issues? This may be why he is concerned. It could also be the media as they have become so targeted on pain medications and the addictions and death they cause. Education is key here. The letter Tuck is talking about is a great place to start.
There are reasons why is acting this way. As I said it could be he is concerned about addiction or just that he is uneducated.
it is difficult dealing with pain and I know it is very frustrating to not have the support from your husband but do not give up and hide, educate him on chronic pain.
He has to understand what you go thru daily and deal with to understand and the best way to do this is to communicate with him and not shut him out. Give him the chance to be supportive.

[Tuckamore]

Hi Jamie,

Twinsmommma said it well, uneducated!!  Some ppl just don't get it. I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard, "Grin and bear it."  Then there's always the "She likes to take narcotics".....or..."I have pain too but I am not about to do drugs." The list is endless. All these ppl have one thing in common, they are ignorant to chronic pain. I know that does not help when these "looks" or statements are coming from the love of your life.

You learned a valuable lesson. I don't let anyone see my take my pain meds, other than my husband who is very supportive. In fact when he can see me struggling he will say, "When was the last time you took something for pain?" Like Runningmom I am blessed to have such an understanding and considerate husband.

I'm sure you have been through the educational route. If not try it. Keep providing him with articles on chronic pain and reading information. Have you seen the letter to ppl without pain? I think that is what it is called. It is in our archives. We've discussed it several times. If you didn't see it let me know. Actually there are three of them and I can PM you a copy or repeat it here if you would like me to do that.

You are on a low dose of pain medication. Have you told your PCP that he is not prescribing you enough tablets to last according to the instructions on the prescription? If not give him a call and try not to do without.

You can feel free to vent here any time. I hope in time your husband will come around. Maybe taking him on an physician's appointment with you will help. That would be to your PCP. Sometimes men need to see things in black and white. So reviewing medical reports may put this in better perspective for him. Men's brains work differently than female brains. That is not a slam. Our brains are different, doesn't mean one is superior or inferior, just process things differently.

Hang in there. We're here for you.

~Tuck

[TwinsMommma]

the one's that pre-judge, finger point or just give you "that look" are just plain ole NOT EDUCATED ON THE ISSUE...in a nut shell...they think they are some know it all person ....but...they are ignorant about what they are preaching...

when i started telling my doc about my back pain and began narcotics i chose to not give ALL the details to my husband BECAUSE I KNEW WHAT HE WAS GONNA SAY ETC...he and his father have that old school "you don't need a pill for your problems" attitude...whether pain, anxiety, depression, ADHD or ANYTHING...
he knew that my back hurt and the doc gave me some pain pills as needed...but i didn't bother telling him how many or what etc...i was on 3 lortab a day...well long story short...as my back progressively got worse i finally RELUCTANLY had a conversation with him (and seperate convo's with my mom, my dad, his mom, his dad) ..i included the others b/c i'm raising then 1 yr old now 2 yr old boy/girl twins and they needed to understand my limitations due to pain...all grandparents live w/in 10 minutes away sooo they are of great help BUT they are also demanding in wanting me to be here, there and everywhere..
BACK TO THE POINT...i was basically tired of privately suffering and wanted/needed support...my husband really surprised me with how supportive he was...said he knew i was probally taking more than i let on but he tried not to push the issuse because HE KNOWS HOW I OPERATE...i'm only ready to open up on stuff WHEN I"M READY...anytime before that if someone tries to corner me or cross-examine me i just shut them out...don't get me wrong it's been a long difficult road...my mother and father in law are proffesional passive aggressive communicators...for example...they say stuff like...were here for you BUT you know papa (father-in-law) has pain but he chooses to grin and bare it...THATS JUST ONE EXAMPLE....

[RunningMom]

I hope it doesn't cause you any problems in the future.  I'm so sorry your husband is not being supportive with your pain medicine.  My husband is very supportive of me, but that is it.  No one else in my family is, especially my mother.  My mother has no idea what medicine I'm on, but she drills me everyday for taking pain meds and says I'm not doing enough with the doctors.  It ticks me off to no end.  I bet she would love to have 14 spinal injections in one year.

I really don't know how to get your husband to listen to you.  You could bring him into the doctors, but I feel that could also backfire too.  Especially if he has a concern for pain medicine.

People need to understand what pain medicine is really like when it is used properly.  Just this last weekend my family was telling me that I was feeling "high" all the time.  Now I was very ticked off!  My husband stepped in and told my family that was NOT the case.  He personally has never taken any sort of pain medicine, but he does see me everyday and how I deal with this pain.

If I had those funny fuzzy feelings, I wouldn't be able to drive my car, nor take care of my children.  People don't think twice about this and have no freaking clue what it's like to live in severe chronic pain.  It's something we can't ignore.  It's with us every second of our day.

You are on a very low dose of pain medicine.  Eventually you will need to have the dose raised when you build up your tolerance.  Maybe you can get a refill with your family doctor.  Make sure your not exceeding the amount with the tylenol content.  Good luck and I wish you well with the pain mangement doctor.