7 year old spoiled princess

[shilasmom]

my daughter will be 7 in a few months, when she was 6m i left her father for her safety (though she doesn't know what happened). her father has BPD and had threatened her life and mine several times. Since he has been in and out of her life, he has seen her 6 times in the last 2.5 years. lately she has been more out of control than ever and i don't know what to do anymore. I  have tried everything from a spanking to being grounded to her room for a week yet she still refuses to listen, do what she's told and now she's even violent to her 2.5 yr old brother (who is about the size of most 1.5 yr olds) just in the last week or so her worst actions to him was taking him by his shoulders and shaking him violently then a few days later he was leaning face first against a chair and she put her arms on his back and proceeded to lift herself off the ground, thankfully the hallway i was down isn't too long and i was able to get her off him fairly quickly but when i yelled for her to get off him she said "no, im having fun!" Pretty much the only thing she does that makes me happy anymore is her love of school, she loves going and doing her homework. the problem there is she has been in trouble even at school, last year she cut her hair during lunch then blamed it on another girl, this year i got a call from her teacher telling me she was letting boys touch her butt and that shes kissing boys! i have always told her as long as you are honest about what you have done the punishment would not be as severe, i have also always told her to respect her body and that she shouldn't kiss boys til she's at least in high school and that NO BOY should ever touch her body til she is an adult now should any boy (even her grandfather or father) should ever see her naked. i was raised by a physically, mentally and sexually abusive father and have tried my best never to be like him but lately i find myself biting my hand so as not to smack her when she talks back or gives attitude. i am so fearful that she will end up like i was as a teenager, i know its not an excuse but i was into drugs and drinking as my way of coping with my home life and i dont want her to have that type of a life she is so smart and has so much too give and i just don't know how to get that princess that she used to be back. please i really need help.......

[RockRose]

I'm a little confused by your post,  mostly a little confused about the spoiled princess label.

I think I would more describe your daughter as physically abusive to her smaller sibling,  sexually inappropriate with peers at school.  

Reading your post it sounds like you have a blended family - could she be acting out because of that dynamic, or is it possible she's been sexually abused?

Best wishes.

[positiveexposure22]

my heart goes out to you ,, and your daughter and family all siblings argue ,, but i also feel shes crying out for help ,, dont automatic thinks shes like her dad  ,, but she would need to me accessed ,, id rethink how you correct her also ,, shes needs love praise and understanding ,, and yes correction ,, suitably for a seven year old ,, i would stop spanking etc,, as your inpounnding this behaviour ,,