Daughter who just doesnt seem to listen

[AmyMarie55]

I have a nine year old step-daughter. She is usually very well behaved and does take longer to catch on sometimes. Her father and I have noticed in the last 7 days she hasnt been listening.. We sat down and talk to her and asked whats wrong etc.. She says everything is great, she just doesnt think when she does something she isnt allowed to do. If we ask her not to do something within 3 hours she is doing and sure enough she is just like uh huh.. ok.. I dont know how to react to this anymore...  I tried getting mad, taking things away from her... or just talking to her.. etc.., and in all situations.. she just acts like its no biggy... or she just seems like she doesnt care.. her father spoke to her etc... She usually has to be told once or twice the most... but now its like 6 or 7 times and even then... I guess Im asking for advice..

[margypops]

So take a middle course relax the rules a bit you say that the other house has none well its not a competition , I agree you have to have some bounderies , have some fun with them ,the middle road is the best way to go, you sound as if you care. Give them choices when you ask them to help clear up say 'do you want to clean up now or after we have eaten" if you demand they will rebel, whatever age they are you can make more fun of it ,not so hard . Good luck  

[AmyMarie55]

Thank you:)

Structure n respect isnt hard going..... they play whenever they want n have fun like crazy..Just we ask u to respect everyone in the house....thats what people should do.... and if u make a mess, clean it.... they arent babies... they r kids n u can enjoy being a kid, with structure... cause too many kids r lacking it.... they get to have sleepovers, water fights, play till late in the night.. we go out n do things with them.. they rather live with us because we have rules.... then live with their other option.....in that house there r no rules... n they chose to be here... must b doing something right:P

take care
god bless

[margypops]

There you go,, you have all the answers ,,Good luck try relaxing on the rules a bit sounds like hard going for kids...

[AmyMarie55]

Hey, thanks again.. Oh I dont mind the sweaters or something around the house, but every dish etc.. We dont accept around the house.. We believe in cleaning up after urself... With her being 10 and her brother being 14.. We are teaching them now to clean up after them self... We ask her to use an indoor voice being of our 8month old baby.. and she talks extremly loud and you cant understand what she is saying because she is talking so loud...  We are a pretty relaxed family and we have family meetings to give them a chance to express what they would like etc... Also.. we have family night every wednesday, friday and sometimes saturday.. Movies, games alot of games... And an hour before bedtime she likes me to read to her.. We do lots of fun things together as a family and her dad is very involved.. but playing the first one to put their stuff away works for 5 year olds.. not for a 10 year and 14 year old.. they r becoming their own person now and forming opinions etc.. We had a family meeting yesterday about respect and cleaning up after urself etc.. and how a family is a team and together we all keep this family running smoothy etc.. and how everyone has a part to play... and it gave her a sense of duty and she was very excited.. and so far has been cleaning up afer herself.. we are big on the family things... We play lots of games everynight and outside etc...   Kids will be kids but every kid needs rules.. they need them... and sometimes they forget and need a reminder.... when they begin to reach 10.. thats the age you begin to intoduce resposniblities.. and thats what we r doing.. like keep ur room cleaned etc.... but.. what we want most is respect ur parents and grown ups etc... dont be rude.. use please and thank you.. and dont talk back when someone is asking you to do something or says no.. and thats what was going out the window.. she was 10 trying to 18.. with saying whatever she pleases and being rude and wanting to go out for as long as she wants.... but i think and hope things are going to improve.. fresh slate etc... and we shall see. thank u very much for ur response

[margypops]

All children I ever knew leave things around the house all the time...so you may have to live with that one, children dont always focus on what we say, these things dont seem like punishable  issues,, what is an indoor voice? Possibly relax a bit and focus on fun and games with her, dont worry about the small stuff Perhaps as I said get her Dad to be involved .outside games /activities. You could also make a game of picking up her things, you said' they"so there is a sibling.. why not make a race of it like 'The first one to put their stuff away gets a cookie or gets to watch a favorite programme after Homework. .

[AmyMarie55]

Thank you for your response. One thing we do with her is praise her. We never put her down.. We tell her we love her even we are mad and the last 3 days we tried not getting mad etc... but... she doesnt listen.. We ask her not to walk on the floor with her wet socks.. She will no matter what... We her to not leave things around the house... She leaves everything around the house... We ask her to use an indoor voice... and she wont no matter what.. things like that... We give them the choices.. To clean there room once a week.. they pick the day.. Brush the teeth.. We dont push it... and she is a good at doing it.. etc....  We make sure we arent on her back all the time... because we know that wont do anything.. We talk instead of yell.. but she just says.. oh.. i forgot.. and then she keeps doing it over and over.... We always praise her.. we are strong believers in it..  

[margypops]

Pehaps there is too much telling her what to do, it may be better to give her choices  ie   'Do you want to brush your teeth right now or after your shower',instead of "do you want to brush your teeth now" which inevitably will be answered with a no' Consider the childs request and accomodate her when you can. If it is all about punishing /removing things she will become resentfulhence the not caring attitude,.Maybe her Dad should be more involved, focus on her positive side and praise her when you see her doing something right.