How do I get my 10 year old little girl to stop crying at the drop of a hat?

[MrsDavis13]

My 10 year old daughter cries all of the time. She didn't even really start talking until around 6 or 7. Now she cries, like really cries with giant tears and snot, whenever you say anything to her, like if she's in trouble or if she doesn't like the outcome of something. It is exhausting for everyone, especially if it happens at school. I have had so many conversations with her about why and how we can help, but it seems to basically just be that she doesn't like getting in trouble.
She also says she doesn't know why and it's hard for her to control it. Which I kind of understand, because I can get quite emotional myself, but not about everything like my daughter. I have told her to take a deep breath, count to 10, etc., I just don't know what to do. I don't want her to get bullied in school or even get expelled.
Any help?

[AnnieBrooke]

If she has been with you for for all her life and you know it has not contained any trauma and still does not (such as, no molestation or secret relative who is being a bully or anything like that), you might have her evaluated.  Someone I know who does this (though with her mom's help she is managing it) has a mild touch of autism.  She is on the spectrum but it's not particularly noticeable, only in little things like this.  Ask her school principal for suggestions about who to talk to; some schools have counselors who can recommend places to go for evaluation.

[AnnieBrooke]

Oh, and ps. -- the reason our friend is not noticeable is because her mom did get help early, and learned management strategies and employed them with her daughter early.  I assume you don't suspect your daughter has any such problem, but she clearly does have a problem of some kind, it sounds like an evaluation by a professional would help a lot with management techniques.

[MrsDavis13]

Thank you so much. I appreciate your input, I have seriously thought this many times, but my husband always says she's fine, she's just emotional. I hate that she's that emotional, though. It seems like she's too emotional and I want to help her so much. Thank you again.

[AnnieBrooke]

First place to begin is to talk to her teacher and her principal.  They have seen many, many children, and can tell you if what they are seeing in your daughter is out of the range of usual and merits some evaluation, and they can also give you suggestions about where to go.  My son is 10, and I can tell you that crying in school, where all one's peers can see you do it, is pretty unusual at that age.

[RockRose]

I agree with what Annie says,  but I have another question.  When you observe this,  does it look to you like she's making any effort at all to control it?  You know what that looks like - blinking back tears,  trying to hide it by turning face away,  etc.  Have you ever seen her do that?  I think you might want to consider that she's learned this as a strategy to control others.  If it is going to be unbearable if you correct her,  my guess is,  you've probably curtailed correcting her,  as her teacher would have also.   The usual pattern for kids is to have huge crying fits when they're younger,  2 and 3,  and then less and less and by the age of 10 they've learned to control this in the classroom.  So that's something to consider - she's doing this as a strategy to protect herself from criticism.  

But yes,  I think you should have her tested and it may be she's on the autism spectrum.