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Avatar universal

I think I hate my 11 yr old

I have an absolutely horrible 11 yr old son. I also have 2 other children as well as 2 stepchildren who have never made me feel like this or done anything like he has.
I left his abusive father when he was just a baby. I've been with my current husband for near 10 yrs. My son has been given every chance, opportunity and consequence imaginable.
First off, before anyone judges- I've tried with him. I've had early intervention, home services, positive reinforcements, reward charts etc. Nothing has helped or come close to working. I've had him in residential treatment and he liked it, looked at it like it was a resort. I've had him in day treatment, he has been in counseling since he was 6. He has even been admitted to the psychiatric hospital for 6 weeks, was there for 30 days and discharged only to be readmitted 10 days later for an additional 2 weeks.
My son basically plays all adults. He gives the answer he thinks people want to hear rather than tell the truth. He has been on several different medications and none have helped. He is a compulsive liar. He is a cleptomaniac, has been banned from multiple stores in our area. I can not take him into a store without him stealing. He has stolen from just about everyone in my family. He stole $80 from a teachers purse. We have contacted police to no avail, due to his age. He has sent my husband to the hospital multiple times with massive panic attacks and caused him to have cardiac problems. He is physically and verbally abusive to me. He has slapped, punched, bitten, kicked, thrown things at me, pushed me down stairs. He has even pulled a knife on me. He also has an unhealthy obsession with me. He thinks I'm his "girlfriend/property". On multiple occasions, he has flashed his penis at me or masturbated while staring at me. He taunts the other children and constantly tries to engage them in fights whether physically or verbally. My 15 year old daughter is so scared that she sleeps with a lock on her bedroom.
He is terribly jealous of my dogs as they were gifts to me from my husband. I have a 5 lb. chihuahua that he has kicked down stairs or across the room. He's also flipped her off the arm of the couch. She has permanent damage to one of her rear legs from his abuse. I also have a husky that was my wedding present from my husband. She's been tortured horribly. He has hit, kicked and pulled her hair. He has stuck his hand down her throats and up her rectum. He has fed her all kinds of things trying to kill her, he's admitted this to us. Most recently, he pretended to take his ADHD medication and walked out of bathroom and fed it to her. This caused her to have a seizure, nearly dying.
He inflicts self injuries and tries to blame everyone else.
He had a 1:1 male aide assigned to him for his IEP. He was so badly behaved the aide quit his job.
He drinks out of toilets, picks through garbage if he sees someone throw away food he wants.
He has been assigned to the school nurses office to use the bathroom because he wiped feces all over the bathroom wall, he then did it at the nurses office as well.
He has flushed banana peels down the school toilet causing the whole system to malfunction and school close down.
He has physically attacked other children and even a pregnant teacher at school.
I've tried to show him nothing but love, however, the more of this stuff happens, I can not stand to be around him.
He's caused rifts in my marriage. He nearly split us up multiple times. He's told my husband he will not stop antagonizing him until he leaves me or dies.
I don't know what to do anymore. Like I've stated we have tried everything every professional has suggested and nothing works.
I've been told we can not put him in foster care voluntarily(we live in NY state).
We have tried residential and been told that the facility we put him in was the only one available in our area for his age.
He has several different diagnosis'. He is on the autism spectrum(highly functioning and very intelligent), ADHD, ODD, cleptomania, bipolar 1. We've even been told he's probably a psychopath but too young to formally diagnose. He's claimed to hear voices and see things, but tells Dr. one day and recants the next.
Anyone have any ideas or similar situations?
7 Responses
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13167 tn?1327194124
This is an old post,  but I'm curious about the boy's father.  The greatest determiner in criminality in the son,  is criminality in the father.  And as the OP says,  he was abusive and she left him.  My guess is,  the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree in this case.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm 45yrs old and when I was growing-up in my pre-teen to early teens I had a friend (Timmy) in the neighborhood that was identical in behavior to your son, literally. His entire existence was one major issue after another - often including residential psych evals, YDC (youth detention center) stays, etc. Over the years his behavior worsened until he landed in the penitentiary- multiple times. He was diagnosed as a full-blown sociopath/psychopath as an adult. This answered ALL the questions about his behavior going back to day one. I have known two other sociopaths in my lifetime, and they demonstrate terrible anti-social, destructive behaviors to everyone in their orbit. This is due to their not having a conscience, and inability to feel empathy for others. Based on what you shared, and what the doctors have said, I'd say there is a strong likelihood your son may get this diagnosis at some point. I wish you & your family the best!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Please understand your feelings are normal and acceptable under the circumstances you are in. I work in special education and have seen situations like this in the past. You should feel no guilt and know you are not alone.

If you live in NY, and you must remove your child from your home permanently, there is a way but it’s difficult and will take some time and be hard for your family, emotionally. See the advice from NY lawyer on this reddit thread scroll down. I’ll pray for you

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/78j45v/ny_how_to_give_an_older_child_not_baby_up_for/
Helpful - 0
189897 tn?1441126518
Momma Mia, thanks for offering your support.  But to spank a child with his medical diagnosis would only make things a lot worse.  Being very consistent is important for a child with ADHD.  But when a child has ADHD, spanking is really harmful to all involved!
Helpful - 0
134578 tn?1693250592
I'd talk to the school principal in the hope of getting directed to a governmental agency (state or Federal) that offers help to parents in such situations.  You can't be the only one.
Helpful - 0
2 Comments
Also, search out "Sandman" on this site and ask him if he will look at your post and give you any advice he has.  He is very experienced.
Sorry, that is "Sandman2."  Hover your cursor over "My MedHelp" and go down to "Find People," and click on it and you can send him a message and ask him to read your post.  He will be able to find it by clicking on your user name.
Avatar universal
I wish there were something I could say or do to help you. I know that it's tough and I am so very sorry. I honestly don't know what I would do but whoop his butt and be as consistent as possible every & every time he does something wrong. Whoop his butt send him to his bedroom. Make him sit on his bed u til his time out is complete. You may have to physically force him to do this, & may need assistance from you husband, but if you can stick with it for a few months I truly believe that it would help. I honestly don't know though, but with what I've read that is what I would try. I know that I'm not around nor have never met either of you, but that is my only advice I wish there was something that I could do or say to help you period.. I wish that I could at least give you a hug and let you know that you're not alone. My older sister is going through this with her son who was only seven years old. Even knowing someone is thinking of you may help so that's why I'm leaving this comment I don't know what else to do for you. I'm not sure that my advice will it working without a straight jacket from the sound of it but honestly that's the only thing I know to tell you the best of luck and I will be thinking of you. You are not alone! Hang in there! Don't give up! Maybe try online groups for disobedient children.
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
Thank you. It does help to hear I'm not alone and there are ppl out there that understand.
134578 tn?1693250592
"We have tried residential and been told that the facility we put him in was the only one available in our area for his age."  ... and, so?  Why is he not there now?
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
They discharged him after the "max time they could keep him".
Believe me if it were that easy I would do it.
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