Identity of this 10yo girl's biological father may never be known

[perplexedmimi]

Yesterday, my daughter imformed me that paternity tests done for her 10 1/2 yo daug found her dad kirk (an alias , is not her biological father. But what a twist, unbeknowst to me, it turns out that kirk, then 28, got her, then 15, drunk and allowed a friend/acquaintance to come have a one time encounter w/her. yes, i took legal action, he persuaded her not to testify, therefore he got off lightly. the child came, she looked like very much like his family, so she and kirk dismissed this other guy. However she didn't know this guy or even his first name and "kirk" has disappeared, like he so often does. kirk has somewhat attempted to be good father but has failed royally. his "daug" finds such displeasure in spending time w/him, so we don't make her anymore. But his family had doted on her since the beginning. her grandmother is loving, awesome, and adores and supports her every whim. so do his 4 siblings, cousins etc. she longs to spend every almost all her spare time w/them. i'm devastated at the mere thought of having to tell this poor child that these people are not her family and see them dissapear from her life. she will be crushed and heartbroken. i don't feel that they could continue as before w/out looking and feeling differently towards her. don't know when or if this "real" dad can be found. everyone's looking to me for guidance, i am so totally lost. If, what, when, why, and how do we tell her and his family.

[AnnieBrooke]

I answered your other post about this question, but am responding to you saying that you don't know if your "faith" will let you tell something that is not even your issue (in other words, this is not about you or even about your child) and that will ruin the happiness of a lot of people.  Exactly what kind of faith is that?  Isn't most faith kind and loving?  Stay out of it, it is not for a grandma to butt in and tell a secret that will make a lot of people confused, hurt and unhappy.

[RockRose]

Since no one is "out" anything - this guy isn't paying support,  so you're not cheating anyone,  I don't see how anyone could place blame.

EVERYONE here is happier not knowing.  His family loves her,  she loves them,  NO ONE would be made happier knowing this sad truth.

I'd just act like I didn't know,  or didn't believe it.   You could always just tell the bald truth if somehow (unlikely) you're caught - I didn't want to rob anyone of this rich loving family relationship.  Because that IS the truth.

[perplexedmimi]

kirk's a deadbeat dad, wasn't providing, she's a f-t student, needed support. if i had known it would unravel all this, i would have surely forbid the testing

we don't know if kirk will tell his family, possible he wouldn't knowing he'd have to confess what he did to my baby

they might dispise us if they find out one day we kept this secret. don't know if my faith will let me live that lie??????

[RockRose]

Why does anyone even have to know?  For her,  this IS her "family",  and she loves them.

Why in the world did your daughter go and upset the apple cart by doing a paternity test?

Interestingly,  Kirk seems to have kept his mouth shut,  I think everyone else should pass this one by.