In a relationship with someone who has a child

[relationship112]

I have been in a relationship for about 10 months now and my significant other has a child. I am having a hard time, I am ten years younger than my girlfriend and I do not have any children myself. I have been researching things on the internet to try to help me better understand how to be a co-parent, but I guess I am looking for a little advice. One of the biggest things I have a hard time with is I do not agree with a lot of my girlfriends parenting decisions. I was raised much more strict than she was so she has a different outlook on things. We decided from the begining that we would never undermine the other in front of her daughter, however that doesn't seem to always be the case. I seem to be made out to be the bad guy majority of the time. I try my hardest not to let it bother me, as far as me not understanding her parenting techniques, but I have a hard time doing so. I don't know what to do. We all live together, so I am surrounded by it a lot. When my girlfriend and I discuss this she says I just don't understand because I don't have children, that it's easier to understand more when you do. In writing this I was hoping to find some different outlooks, I am trying to find as much help as possible.

[relationship112]

I am 26, my girlfriend is 37, and her daughter is 8. Up until recently when we moved into our house we all share together my girlfriend shared a bed with her daughter, which I believe added to the behavioral problems. Her daughter is always so concerned with her where abouts and what she is doing at all times. We (my girlfriend and I) now share a bedroom, but at sometimes I can't come to bed because her daughter is so persistent that she lay in our bed to fall asleep, leaving me to have to fall asleep on the couch. I can' t say that this has happened a ton fortunately but it does happen. My girlfriend tried to explain that it's just because she is young. I however believe this is behavior an actual "young" child perhaps 2 or 3 would have. Other behaviors that I have a problem with is how spoiled her daughter acts. I find myself when writing these that I have the most issues with the way that my girlfriend responds to her daughter's behaviors. When I have brought up my point of view before to her on her parenting styles as to how I would do different she tells me that I would feel differently if it were my child. The only thing that she can relate it to me is with my niece that is 4 but I then explain to her that she shouldn't be relating a 8 years olds behaviors to a 4 year olds. Her daughter has recently been tested for A.D.D. and the doctor's told her that a lot of her behaviors were normal for a child with A.D.D. She has outbursts of anger and temper tantrums, especially when she cannot or does not get her way. I find myself struggling to bond with her daughter because of her behaviors, I do love both my girlfriend and her daughter but I have trouble becoming close to her daughter because of my disapproval of her actions.I am trying my best to give as many examples of her daughters behavior and our situation to give the best description of our scenario. I appreciate both responses and I hope to hear back with some more advice.  

[Cristina75]

for us its the other way around. my boyfriend is 10 years older than me and I have 2 children. they were 2 and 4 years old when I met him. He was having a hard time understanding and disciplining my 4 year old ( now she is 7). He never get in my way of parenting them but he is learning with how I discipline them. it took him at least 1 1/2 years ( we have been together 3 years) to be able to fully understand what parenting is all about ( he does not have children of his own). and I was the same way like your girlfriend when we argue about my daughter's behaviours. (eg. it bothers him when she ask too many questions while he is driving )
I think you should give it some time to understand her and her child. believe me it is hard for all of you in the beginning.
Now it has been 3 years, and my boyfriend is an awesome father figure to my children.
Goodluck!

[RockRose]

How old is everyone here - you,  the mother,  and the daughter?  

Can you give examples of the child's behavior (I guess it's a child,  maybe a teenager,  can't tell) that you find objectionable?

I have to warn you upfront,  boyfriends who don't have children themselves typically  have unreasonable expectations of the children of their girlfriends.