Mother/Father disagree, 11 yr. old lashings out. blames MOM, HELP>

[Brookit]

HUGE problem/issue and how to hope U can help solve it;
Husband's wife did have a reltionship w/other man for "social" fun/attention.
together after sepation, but husband is angry/hold's feeling's in/will not let wife go ANYWHERE and judge's she is doing something wrong, if just out to the store/mall/friend's house, it's a girl! HE IS JEALOUS AND ACT's out a wife to the point she is feeling TIED up, watched,never TRUSTED again. he can't let past go...but wife is not happy,and feel's he can't ever see or even want to see her side of anything...it's all about what HE want's. NO friends they have likes him.
Wife took in 18 yr. old terminal child of her sister's due to "sister's health" and child needed place to stay. Husband said no, but understood this was to be due to wife needing to do this"she luved this child" there is a 11 yr.old daughter of their's who has alway's been mean/disrespectful of her mother. Will go to daddy & complain, blames things that happen on mom and dad agree's w/this little girl, but she treat's father like gold, and cuddles up to her dad and the dad believes her...MOTHER Is furious dad will not listen & understand mom. they have to agree together how to handle child, dad doesn't, he chooses child and tell's her mom is wrong. This is ruining marriage and how parent's should "raise" child, ADVICE please.
NOW: 11 yr old is bullying terminal child living there. Tries to make mom feel guilty for not spending enough time w/her, which MOM does. Runs' to dad. he belives! This is a hard situation w/a sick child there. HasRn help/grandmother and real mom. But, this gives the 11 yr child MORE ways' excuses to "be mean" act out, and she does..to sick child, and her on mom and grandmother, doesn't have any respect. FATHER thinks it's due to "sick" child and jealously, but everyone treats 11 yr. w/ luv, respect,doesn't forget abouther. She know's this but is still mean/and never listen's. PLEASE ADVICE...HELP...TALK ABOUT EACH ISSUE AND ADVISE, THANK YOU

[Brookit]

HI. I  am a friend.
First off, it may be normal for jealousy to occur, but this 11 yr. old (almost 12 yrs.) should be able to understand the circumstances of this trip. This is NO fun trip. This is the hope/wish of the dying child.
SHe loves X-mas time so that is why it's in Dec. light's R so pretty I've heard.  
It takes time to set up a trip also like this. They hope and go day by day.
what bother's me is the ATTITUDE of the dad coming about due to the mother's 11 yr. old chid's  attitude and not undestanding( she is making mom feel guilty for helping with the sick child's grandma and mother  who is going, it will be4 of them.) The father should help the mother and talk to their child, plan a activity after X-Mas with just them. IT"S THAT THE DAD 'sides' with the child and it alway's appear's the mom is "wrong" in the dad's eyes, and he LET"S the  child now this, I dont' think any parent  should down the other parent to the child. He doesn't even get upset at her malious attacks by mouth, or just not listening to her mother. She is a spoiled child, this is agreed on by her mother/and grandmother and me.If the father show's the child he doesn't respect her mother, then the child     will not respect her and I can't understand how a grown intelligent man would do this to his wife. Again, the father is finding the situation to be undcomfortable for his child and also showing it in  his actions. The sick, dying child need's someone to care for her. People should be glad it's not them that are sick and just be glad they are able to help take care of her.
Also, all believe the sick child has been waiting/wanting this trip for over 10 or more yrs. her will is strong and she will hold on and try to make this trip. It most likely will be her last, but rather see her dream than do nothing at all...any more idea's, advice would alway's be helpful...I'm hoping the father/ and mother will read this post's and understand  how to help one another and go on from here...tk

[RockRose]

So brookit,  I went and found your other postings and this much seems clear:

You're apparently a friend of the family,  or possibly the mother of the ill child,  or the grandmother of the ill child.

I have to say,  I think it's completely normal that the 11 year old is very jealous that her mother is going to Disney without her.  That's normal.

What's not normal is the dad is acting odd here,  and also it seems like if this dying child is bedridden and weak and on 02,  the chances are very slim that this trip will happen.  Is there some reason they aren't leaving next week?   The 18 year old will only weaken from here,  and probably very quickly.

[RockRose]

Brookit,  your writing style here is really unusual.

It's hard to tell where you are in this.   You've written this in the third person rather than first person.

It sounds like you and your husband have an 11 year old healthy daughter,  and you had an affair,  and your marriage is rocky,  and your daughter doesn't respect you and your husband doesn't encourage her to respect you.  Meanwhile,  you've taken in your very sick niece into the household and the 11 year old girl is bullying her but your husband doesn't care that much.  

Is that what's going on?  I wonder why you wrote this from such a distance rather than using "I" words.