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Avatar universal

My 12 year old and a 6 year old little girl

Yesterday I caught my twelve  year old and the neighbors 6 year old girl with their pants down.  My son is way older. I don't usually let them in the same room but they were all tired and laying down to watch a movie.  I baby sit for the little girl since she was very young.  She is like part of my family.  My other two children were there and my 4 year old little girl is the one who came and told me that the two of them were pulling their pants down.  When I went in the room, I asked my son to leave and sat down with the six year old and questioned her and told her that she wasn't in trouble but that it is not okay and that private parts are hers and for nobody else to see or touch.  I explained that my son shouldn't have done that.  She says he didn't touch her and that she did touch him. I don't think it was going on very long and I intercepted.  So now, I just don't know what to do.  I told her Mother and through my tears and hers explained how sorry I was that I wasn't in the room.  Deep in my heart I think the six year old was just being silly.  But my Twelve year old son should know better.  I was pretty overwhelming not letting it go and questioning him and why he did it.  He just kept saying that he is sorry and it was stupid but that nothing happened.  So now I feel like I have to move or something.  I don't know what to say.  Should he apologize.  He is already going to counseling for behaviors related to ADHD.  He acts much younger than he is so he definitely doesn't see himself as that much older than the other children.  He hangs out with them a lot, playing their games or with their toys.  But I don't think that is an excuse. But I also don't think my son is a child molester.  Do I try to reach out to my neighbor.  I can't even function. I am avoiding my friends who want to know what is wrong with me.  But I am just so embarrassed and upset and embarrassed because he is also embarrassed?  I am so confused!
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Avatar universal
I understand fully what you are going through. My seven year old son pulled down the trousers of a 3 year old little girl at a party. i was not there at the time and after I found out I,ve tried to talk to the girl's mother and she says she is too upset to talk to me. I dont know if I should write a letter of apology or what. Like you I am embarrased and dread picking up the kids from school as the girl's sister is in the same school.
From what I've heard and read kids at 7 start exploring sexually but the fact that he did with a three year old makes it hard and the fact that  the parents wont talk to me makes it even harder.
So you are not alone, take heart and hopefully all will go well.
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Avatar universal
First off, you have been looking after this girl for many years as you mentioned, and have always kept watch and made sure that they were safe, so don't be too hard on yourself. This girls mother should be extremely greatful you have done so for so long. Not only that, you did the right thing by letting her mother know straight away, so give yourself some credit here.

You were very lucky that your daughter came to you and raised the alarm before anything potentially bad happened, and as you said yourself, you intervened quickly. I honestly think after talking to your son, the embarrassment of being caught might possibly be enough to not ever do it again.

I don't believe your son is a child molester, but i do believe he is on the cusp of puberty and all sorts of feelings may be taking over at the moment. It might be worth having a talk about what is/will be happening to him. Yes you try and reach out to your neighbour (i'm assuming it's the girl and mother that live next door) as you have done such a good thing over the years, and also you got through the hardest part of telling her what happened, now you need to wait for the dust to settle and then explain to her that you value them both and would like to repair what happened.

It may take some time, but time heals all wounds! good luck :)
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