my 7 year old is slipping away

[srp82]

I have 3 kids 6 months, 5 and 7.  I just got married after being divorced for 3 years.  I have shared parenting with my oldest 2 kids dad!  He is very unstable and there are barely any rules or routine!
Anyway, My 7 year old use to be mommys little boy.  So loving and kind, but recently, he has been out of control.  He gets mad and says he hates me and wants to live with his dad.  He tells me hes going to call the police on me, and he tears things up that he made for me, or will scribble out something that he wrote "I love mom" on it or something like that!!  He does take med for adhd, and he does see a youth councelor.
He argues with me over everything, and yells at me.  He will get mad when I tell him to go to his room and will throw a tantrum!!
I feel like hes slipping away from me.  I dont know what to do.  He is my life.
I dont want to punish him sometimes, because I dont want him to hate me and want to run and live with his dad the first chance he gets!!

And of course My new husband does not understand !!  His only child is 6 months old!! He wants me to put my foot down and to not pity him.  I know there is something more to all of this, and Im not sure what!!

Please help!

[Greenwellmill]

google "The Family Chip System"

Just be generous at first with the chips or he just might give up.

[margypops]

Perhaps he could use more positive attention and at 7year old plenty of sports and outside activities,would his new Dad play  ball games with him. Maybe he sees the other children getting more attention and that is what he would like, by acting out he is getting negative attention. Focus on his positive side and praise him when he does something right. You could also check the Med he takes is not having any adverse effect on him,Get him onto a food supplement., shown to benefit children with adhd , VitB Complex and VitC and fish oil.

[babygirl6152]

new baby
new step-dad who has little, if any sympathy for the boy's emotions
shared parenting- I am quite sure he hears the fusses between mom and ex or at least references
odd life with no structure outside your home, and your home with a new baby and new step dad is possibly? turned upside down ( it's usual even in the best of circumstances)

Just trying to see it from the child's perspective- sometimes boys adore their mommy so much- could he be seeing that you are replacing him emotionally with all the other new relationships in you life?

even without all these factors- divorce alone is heart breaking for children

just what I see from this side- I have been thru single parenting twice and my boys had a deep emotional attachment with me- they took it very hard both times even though they even realized and admitted they knew I would be happier with a husband- so even rationally they could think it through- but their mind could not overpower their little hearts