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Parenting Teens (12-17) Community
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Are there things I should be doing to urge my immature teen along?

My daughter's 17 and a very bright, talented, and extremely hard-working young lady. She's near the top of her class academically. Teachers and counselors love her to death, and are encouraging her to look at several top-tier colleges, but they don't see all I see at home as a parent. I don't think she's anywhere near college ready, especially since she's just learning to manage her ADD and mild dyslexia. She puts in far more study hours than most for those As, and maybe that's why she's lagging on other areas(?)  I've looked for signs of normal development for girls her age, and most of them just aren't there. She's very close to us, and hasn't reached that stage where she prefers being with friends or going to parties. No rebellion whatsoever, not even eye rolling or grunts of disgust. She's shown no interest in dating, and doesn't even like to talk on the phone to her friends. No interest in driving, thankfully, because her sense of direction is nil. She's fairly naive and not able to quickly assess situations or make good, clear decisions. Her messiness, disregard for time, and lack of organization are things I have to work with her on constantly. She still needs step-by-step instructions in writing or with someone close by for most tasks. Right now, shes' excited about being recruited by top colleges, but I think college would eat her alive, unless she grows by leaps and bounds in a year. I sometimes wonder if she's got very high-functioning Asperger's.
3 Responses
5914096 tn?1399922587
I tend to disagree with your concerns.  There would be no way that she could  excel academically if she maintained irresponsible behaviors.  The question here is why does she behave irresponsible for you yet responsible at school?  I don't know the answer to this question.  You might want to discuss this issue with the school folks.  But, she sounds like college-material to me!  I definitely credit you for having made her a success.  So, unless I missed something here, you might need to have her take more responsibility at home followed with consequences when she demonstrates irresponsible behaviors.  But it sure doesn't sound like these irresponsible behaviors are across the board!
134578 tn?1546634665
If you were to fess up to it, are you saying that you wrote most of her school papers and are the reason she ever gets anywhere on time?  If so, do have her assessed.  Her school principal or her pediatrician will know the names of professionals who can test her for high-functioning Aspergers or other.  
9442948 tn?1406820051
I think a good start in the right direction is encouraging her to be more involved with friends, enroll her in drivers ed, let her develope a sense of independence. I think its normal for some children not to rebel,  they want to please and theres no harm in that, she's academically focused, maybe she's socially akward? You're not with her at school so you wouldn't be able to know that, college is a perfect time for her to get involved and expetience things on her own, encourage her to live on campus, great way to make friends:) guide her :)
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