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Parenting Teens (12-17) Community
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Avatar universal

How do I cope with being in the closet?

I am 13 years old and I have come to the realization that I am bi. Up to the a few months ago, I thought I was straight but then I started getting crushes on (and even dated) girls. I also still get crushes on males.

I didn't really go into denial, having many lgbt+ friends made me accept it. Although, I had a hard time coming out. As of now, I am out to a few friends.


That isn't the problem. I want to come out to my family. I was going to, but I have found out my mom's boyfriend (who we live with) is homophobic. It doesn't help that my mom follows what he says.

I'm all for this "if they love you they'll accept you" but I am afraid of losing my family. I also do not want to be disowned and have no relatives that could take me in.  

How can I cope with being in the closet and hiding it from my family until I'm 18?
3 Responses
134578 tn?1578157483
Even in a non-judgemental family, this is not the easiest thing to do at 13, because a parent might be likely to blow it off and say you are too young to know, and that might hurt your feelings as much as hearing outright homophobic slurs.  There are websites designed to help gay teens with issues like this, I'd search them out, and also contact PFLAG to see if there are resources there.
13167 tn?1327194124
Pandabear,  female adolescent sexuality is very "suggestible",  meaning a lot of girls try out a lot of different roles. A lot of girls go through a phase where they have sex play with other girls. Especially a girl who has a lot of LGBT+ friends.   A 13 year old boy who believes he is gay IS gay.  A 13 year old girl who believes she is bi and has "crushes" on both girls and boys and has close connections to the LGBT+ community when she discovers this,  is often just maturing and wading through social and sexual feelings.  I don't know where you'll end up on the LBGT scale,  but this is a time of growth for you.   You might also become vegan during this time,  or another lifestyle that is socially driven.  If you had "many" friends who were wiccan it's likely you'd dabble in that,  too.  You're trying out your identity.  I say this all not to poo-poo whatever sexuality you choose,  but to caution you that this isn't worth wrecking your life right now.  You are very vulnerable,  and your mother lives with a guy that's homophobic.  You are in an incredibly vulnerable spot.  Don't throw yourself off a cliff on purpose.  You don't have to verbalize every thought you have,  honey.  Take care of yourself,  and don't purposely make your life miserable.  However you turn out,  is how you will turn out,  but there's no reason to give this guy ammunition to harm you while your mother stands by and lets it happen.
Avatar universal
As a parent who has a son who is transgender female to male and didn't quite accept it at first, I get why you're worried. My son came out when he was 13, and we did not quite accept him and made him go to a gender therapist, but after a few monrhs of realizing it's not a phase we accepted him. My wife had a tougher time with it than I did, as she's religious and it went against it, but she too learned to accept him.
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13167 tn?1327194124
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