14 yr old boy and masturbating

[westglass]

Looking for feedback on what to do.  Ok, my boyfriend and I live together and his 14 year old son is living with us due to the negative relationship he has with his mother.  A couple of weeks ago I came home to his son sitting upstairs in the livingroom.  He had fallen asleep on the couch with his pants half down and his ** sticking out.  I immediately went into the bedroom and called his dad, who wasn't home, for I didn't know what to do.  I ended up making noise from the bedroom and he woke up and went downstairs.  Later that evening he asked if I had saw anything earlier when he fell asleep on the couch.  I told him yes and it was left at that and his dad was going to talk to him - I figured it was not really my place to have that kind of discussion with him.

Something happened this weekend that I am having a very hard time with.  My boyfriend was in the garage and I was going out to sit out there for a bit.  I walked thru the basement to the garage and came upon the son on the couch in the basement doing you know what.  I kept on walking, looking the other way and said sorry and went out the door!!  I immediately told my boyfriend and he was going to go in the house to talk to him about it not being appropriate to do in a "public" place.  I walked around the house to go in thru the front door (vs. going thru the basement again) and his son had moved and was now sitting at the bottom of the stairs (we have a split entry and he was on the stairs in the basement).  I didn't notice this until I was already in the house going upstairs because I thought I saw something - looked down and he was masturbating sitting there but, this time he was holding a picture of me.  

I am mortified and very troubled by this.  I know this may be a "normal" 14 year old boys behavior but I am really having a hard time with seeing him holding a picture of me - his fathers girlfriend!  I feel it is completely inappropriate of him.  My friend said maybe he sees me as the strong female figure in his life and that is somehow coming through.  He doesn't have a great relationship with his mom.  My boyfriend I think is a bit troubled and embarrassed when it comes to talking to me about it, he doesn't know what to say and feels bad for me.  I talked to my boyfriend and started crying, I kind of feel violated if that makes sense.  I never had children, it just was something that I chose wasn't for me so this whole situation has been challenging and now we've come across this new situation.  

Guess I'm looking for what others think and looking for help on how to deal with something like this.  I am feeling totally disgusted and it's hard to even look at the son right now.  

[from_theoutisde]

im not even gonna answer this but you should dismiss it

[hangman1951]

I think the fact that the teenager in question is allowing himself to be "caught" in the act by you - especially since he had a picture of you on the stairs -  should be telling you that he is looking at you as more of a "pin-up" poster than as a potential sex partner.  He may "know" that you are his dad's girlfriend but he sees you as "fair game" since you and his dad are not married.  (And if you think that he's not aware of any sexual activity between you and his dad, think again!)  Calmly tell him that he is too young for you and that there really could never be any type of relationship between the two of you.  Make him aware that, if he continues to masturbate in places where he KNOWS you'll be frequenting in the house, you will speak to his father about sending him back to his mother's house.   Ask him to politely confine his masturbation to  his room in the future and not to use any pictures of you as his "fantasy material".  (You probably should do all this in the presence of your boyfriend so there's no misunderstanding between the two of you later on.)   On a personal note, you need to get over your embarrassment about a teenager's normal behavior - i.e., his masturbation - you don't think his dad didn't do the same at his son's age?

[bassistphillip]

How about you not feeling and behaving like a victim pf sexual assault. You have obviously raised teenage boys! Get a grip! All 14 year old boys are horny all the time and they go through a stage where they lust for their mothers. Nothing comes of it unless THE PARENTS overreact and make it a huge ordeal. He is a boy for heaven's sake!

[Jareddanton]

I don’t think they are acting like a victim.

It is a little weird that the boy is masturbating to her, it shows that he is attracted to her  which isn’t quite appropriate since it’s his dad’s girlfriend. It’s not really that weird though since it isn’t his mom but it’s still weird.

[Andrewdavid1]

Yes, the pictures of YOU, might be Strange/odd but the Masturbation certainly isn't. In actual fact if he WASN'T masturbating, there would be something wrong. I think that you might have become his favourite 'Pinup', all boys- of his age- have them. Get his Dad to speak to him, 'Man to Man, and explain these 'things'- I'm sure that's all it needs. All Young Adults need guidance, not a Telling Off, nothing more. Let us know how this, turns out, will you.

[Kermit the Hermit]

14 and down and up depending on the child's body chem and possible high testosterone

like to beat the meat allot i did all the bloody time

now to your pic that needs firmly addressed

it could if it hasnt already to obsession

spying at private times or showers lots of bad behaviors

possibly depending on child trying to make it come true

his father needs to and you have to force him to address this now

and it may be to far and need intervention of a counselor

he needs someone to let him know spankin his monkey is normal and fine but obsession is bad

good luck hope it gets better