My story seems not special after I read other stories. I am a single mother, immigrant, we came to Canada in 2006 with my son and my 8 year old daughter, who always been my support, my helper, my everything. I worked very hard to provide her with everything, we have no family in Canada and no support whatsoever. She never suffered financially as many immigrant kids did, my parents were helping a lot from abroad. She was dancing competitive ballroom dancing for many years which was very costly but I tried to manage and cut down everything else to let her dance and pursue her dream. Things started to change after 15, I couldn't recognize her anymore, She's 16 now, quit dance, sport and other activities and left home in NOvember, because she didn't want to live with my rules and limitations. She got to smoking weed, started to disappear at nights, and was lying all the time. She became very aggressive and verbally and physically abusive. She accused me of emotional abuse and applied for social assistance. Her social worker at school didn't even bother to investigate the situation at home and believed her and her GF where my daughter moved in temporarily. I am a teacher, community interpreter and her lie damaged me badly. Now she is renting a room somewhere and I am not allowed to know the address because she is a victim of "abuse". I don't know how to get her back, and would like to file a complaint on social worker who instead of helping the family and trying a counselling, took my daughter's side without even looking into things.
My life turned to hell since November, I lost myself, and don't know how to live without her. I don't know anything about her now, and haven't seen her for more than 2 months. I don't know what to do....
I am going thru the exact same thing and we are dealing with a lot of issues and we feel useless as parents as we have no rights at all. Taking off, lieing, stealing, drinking and I just found out she has moved to cocaine (hasn't been confirmed yet) At 12 they can decide where they want to live, at 14 they can make their own medical decisions and at 16 they can leave and drop out of school. My husband is at the point where he wants her out of the house for good where as I am not at that point. I have already gotten the call from the hospital that your daughter has been brought into the hospital passed out drunk and I figured that would be the wake up call but it didn't phase her at all. Every time I feel a bit of hope we are going forward she rips out my heart and takes off again. I have gone out my way to help her many ways, it's a one way street I give and she takes. I know it's her 15 year old brain thinking things are so much better when you don;t live at home but I am scared I am going to get a call that will be much worse then her being passed out. But I do have a bit of hope. I did reach out to the police again via email and practically begged for help and i did get a response. I provided the police officer with all of the issues and on Tuesdays where I live there is a bunch of agencies in the area who get together and listed to police offices bring cases to them of teens in the area who have many issues and if they feel it's sever enough they will step in and provide the necessary help to the family and teen. I am praying something can and will be done. I am exhausted at this point and am lost as to what to do.
Im interested in knowing what happened ... I'm dealing with this. Christian. Daughter is 17 and is not working. She has no responsibility and we are poor. She has one thing --- an ipod. She has a friend who she has been hanging out with every day for probably 2 months now .... and seems they cannot be seperated for some un Godly reason ... I don't think they do drugs and I think she still hasn't had sex, but maybe I am wrong. Her and her friend pierced their belly buttons and got best friend things for it. She stays gone as much as possible and when she is here she is dying to leave. When she is here she's in her room asleep or in her bed. She takes for granted there will be a home to come back to EVENTUALLY -- I am scared to death to know what's really going on. I don't know what to do-- I can't force her home and don't want her to run away. I don't have a car to chase her down and drag her back in either.
Dont' feel bad, i have a liar too, and found out "again." Last night, After laying down the rules of you can have the freedoms to come and go, you still need to let me know address,phone numbers in case of emergency. Not a big deal right? Simple equation in just letting me know you are okay and i know if something comes up i can reach you. That is all, not snoopin or being all nosey. Basic parenting; Being she never answers her telephone. I have a cork board in the kitchen so in case of emergency; So outside of that, this liar and " I say it stringently "on account of this is what she does since day one of life. She is a"liar," i've accepted that part of her, but what i won't is the blatant no reasoning behind it. True, teens tells stories to get away with stuff. I know that, but really? I see is as a disregard to my emotions , feelings and basic thought of me being her mom. This all began on Friday evening, after her work was over... She used an excuse to go running around.Football game ya know?? hint hint; then said they were going swimming hint hint; weather was down in the low 70's." Its Her Lying again... "The girls who she used as Ali by ? her family had no recollection of her ever coming over to visit. this kid has been telling me this is who she hangs out with, stays the night over after football games . you see? So, lastnight, my instinct said to call the number she gave me after i called her dozens of times. And i was right, it was a nonworking number. So, back to texting nonstop her cell as to which she shut it off. "Ugh, kids... can't stand them." So, around midnight i decided to report her to LBPD and possibly a missing person. Let all the family know she is back at her running around . They came out and took a report, and here it is the next day 2pm and i still haven't heard from the girl. Her grandma made it a point to spill it, when i had to chew her out on where is she. like some crazed stalker according to them. In relation to a concern parent that has to deal with a god dam liar all the time. Ya, i'm pretty much done with this girl , this family all together. I can't compete with a pack of liars and family members who reward ill behavior with money or drugs. They all have some form of dependency or addiction, they say my girl isn't doing drugs; but liars all stick together. Nope, i called the life insurance people to see if the policy is still active and now wait it out. I learned this years ago when this began . I look at it like this; "if she wants to run with the pack beware of the dogs along the way." And so , instead of being at a complete loss . I will be compensated for the ill stupidity itself. Take it or leave it.
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My son just turned 18 in Feb. he graduates on June 6th, He has been disrespectful and lying and hard to handle for the past several years, 2 weeks ago my husband and I got into and arguement with him about taking the trash out before school and he got mad and walked out. He has since moved in with a friend and his parents. He is leaving for the basic training for the Army in July. These parents are aiding my child in what is is doing and not helping him, I don't understand how these parents would not reach out and find out say I have your child he is okay and is it okay for him to stay or something but believe what he is "spilling" to them. And in turn is the mother is calling him her child on his facebook page. Knowing that we are talking and that I will see it because we are still having a Graduation party for him on Sat due to all the announcements and invitations have gone out and flights have been made. I just don't know how to handle this it is hurtful and this lady has to be stopped as well. I also have to spend another year around her as her son is only a JR. and my daughter in in band with him also.
Has anything changed? My heart is crying every night as I am going through this with my daughter who just turned 18. Please let me know what your doing now 5 months later. I am ready to kick my daughter out of the house.
Has anything changed? My heart is crying every night as I am going through this with my daughter who just turned 18. Please let me know what your doing now 5 months later. I am ready to kick my daughter out of the house.
I'm so devastated. I have a 15 year old son and he is out of control; angry, defiant, oppositional and smoking pot. I've done EVERYTHING to help him I can think of. I had to call the police on him two weeks ago as he was scaring me and being violent in the home; not with us, but with possessions. The police are useless. They basically treated me like I was in the wrong. Saying in a sarcastic tone "what do you want US to do? Give him a ticket?" Ummmm...no. Tickets aren't going to help. I was lucky enough to get him into the local mental health hospital for help. Six days he spent there. He was so angry, but came around and was doing great. He was put on some medication for his moods and we saw a vast improvement very quickly. He is in day treatment now for three hours a day, Monday through Friday. We go to family counseling. I went to bat for him at school and made sure everything was taken care of for his return. At family counseling last night I found out he's still smoking pot and says he doesn't see anything wrong with it. "It's a plant", he says. If he doesn't get his way, he swears at me, says he will leave, clenches his fists. I'm am sick and tired of living in fear every single day. My heart is breaking, I cry constantly, but not only is he ruining his life, he's ruining mine! I tell him I love him more than anything in this world. He just texted me telling me he is going to his friends house after school. I said no as I can't trust him right now and, of course, he went crazy and said many colorful things to me. He said he is going no matter what. He is 6'2", so people that say just go there and drag him home don't know what they are talking about. He's not a little kid anymore. He towers over me. I just keep thinking "I'm done. I'm done", yet every parental instinct in me says I can't be. How can I be? But, what more can I do?!? As of this very moment, I am considering refusing to pick him up tonight if he wants to come home. He threatens to drop out of school constantly, so maybe it's time to say have at it. Get a job and get an apartment and good luck. I'm overwhelmed, defeated and miserable. I love this kid more than anything in this world and now I have to make a decision that goes against every fiber in my being.
My 16 year old daughter is doing the same thing she left last Tuesday this is the first time she has been gone this long but there's nothing I can do she won't talk to us and the cops say to just let her go. It's hard but she knows the rules here and when she wants to come home she needs to follow them or figure it out herself. She thinks she knows everything. My question is are we still responsible if she does something wrong?
I wish I was as ferm as you. I want to, but I raised m'y daughter by myself. She never missed out on anything. She does not sassy me or act bad towards me, but she does not want to be with me anymore. She slept home, once in a month. I don't know how to deal with this. She does not want to come and clean her room, and does not want me to go in it. I feel like telling her if she does not want me to touch her stuff she should come and get it since I live by myself anyways and pay the rent here. Would I be wrong doing g this. It feels as if she moved out already. Im her taxi do. We can't talk about anything. I see her 10minutes in the morning, the only time I see her and she always says, I don't want to talk about that now.
Let her go. I left my parent's home at 16. They didn't fuss and fight with me and told me although they refused to pay my rent, I should know there's always a warm meal and a safe place to lay my head should I decide to return. My parents did not have to tell me, "their house, their rules", I already knew it. I was gone three months. I managed to find a little job that paid enough to pay rent and utilities, but it got old fast! I had nothing! It was so cold one night, I slept between the mattresses to keep warm. I tried to do the right thing and went back to school. Once the school administration found out I had no adult to sign my report card, they told me I could no longer attend classes. My point is this, it was hard! I know now how it broke my mother's heart for me to leave. I have two well rounded adult daughters today. One was valedictorian the other was a spitting image of me and my determination to be on my own. I treated her just as my parents did me when I left. "In my house, my rules". It took her less than a month to come home. I knew, just as she knew, the door was always open. My parents loved me just enough to allow me to fly or fail. I kinda did both. I did learn however, it is easier to fly and fail at home with parents who respected my teenage stupidity. Your daughter will do all the things you do not want her to do if you fight her. She may even do some of those things while living at home. The thing is at that age you think you've got a tiger by the tail and you can whip it. Allowing a teen to fail in the midst of your desire to see the teen succeed is hard, but your teen will see that you respect their independence enough to allow them to try. Never throw it in his or her face because things just didn't work. Teens can be incredibly pig headed and will dig their heels in and lock horns with you not because they dislike you, but because it is in their nature. Sit back and watch, be proud of his or her success, regardless how small. Always be there to offer love and NEVER say "I told you so". When your babies reach this age some will not fly for whatever reason. On the other hand, others just have to do this. It's the hard way to learn and you want to spare them the disappointments and failures, you just can't. You will help build self esteem and a new parent/teen relationship he or she will remember and be grateful for the rest of their lives. So hug her, kiss her, and reluctantly let her go without all the drama. Just be sure she knows she will always have a home to return to as long as she knows, "your house your rules". She must also understand you will NOT be paying her way. When she returns, respect her attempt to do it herself, even if she failed, by giving her a bit more space because she has after all, faced life head on and was mature enough to either make it or mature enough to realize it's better to live by the rules throughout the rest of her life. I think you will both experience a new found respect once you both understand each other's point of view. This is something hard to accept because our teens are still in our eyes, our babies. I think that's the whole point. Your teen is trying to say he or she is no longer a baby and if it means walking out to prove it, be prepared to let them go. The good news is, they almost always come back. Especially if you give them just enough room to see how hard it is to be a grown up! God's angels will watch over them. Just ask. Be strong, fight the urge to interfere, and do not follow her around. If you have other children or family members with children in the area, you will know what's going on, trust me! God be with you and give you the strength to let her fly or fail. It is all part of learning how tough life can be. Just stay on good terms without seeming to "get all up in her business.
I had a similar situation. My well behaved 17 year old got a job and full of herself. Ran away once then if we got in an argument would say shes staying at a friends house. My worry made me look weak and she used that. Finally i changed my attitude and said you be home by 9 or I am calling the police and they can assign you a curfew and you can answer to them. She was home by 9. This happened once more. I was worried but didnt show desperation. Told her she had till 9 or i was calling police. Worked again. Dont know what future holds but she seems to understand that she will be home at night now. She just wants to stay out later and uses that technique to try it. Her curfew is 10:00. Its the only problem i have had which is wierd. Watch therapists advice thats where she got the i am upset and staying at a friends house idea.
This is what happened in my situation. My well behaved 16 year old and I got in an argument and she ran away to a friends house. I didnt know where she was for about nine hours. I called 911 and reported her a run away. Police got her at 2 in morning. She is a minor and herd in maryland the police act on that. Long story short therapist told her next time say you are at a friends house and make sure mom knows which one. She chose to use this as a reason to stay out all night. I was worried and she knew it. I went thru the I love you and want ylu to be safe stuff she saw this as weakness. She tried it two more times then the third time I said be home by 9:00 or I am calling police I am not bluffing and i wasnt. I dropped that worried mom stuff although i was worried i just changed my attitude. If she said I wS doing wrong I said no I m not. This is for your safety. I did not back down. She tried manipulation. I just kept repeating myself about police involvement. IT WAS HARD AND SCARY but she was home by 9. Tried again a month later and I just kept repeating thru text It is not safe I will call the police and she was ho e by 9. Hopefully thats the end. Show love not fear be firm and follow thru. Get on those police in maryland they act. Look up laws good luck.
Exactly my thoughts about my step son running away to his aunt's house, and my younger daughters watching this. My husband and I are waiting it out hoping he will learn from this and not do it again, but I agree with you. It is sooo hard to do. I am a total basket case. So worried.
Same thing happened to me. I am so worried. I go through it all day long. My step son left with his maternal aunt. I am wondering whether I should get him to come home now, or whether I should wait it out so he learns some life lessons as my husbands says. I know he is safe with his aunt regarding school, food, shelter and etc..., but I am not so sure about them having the time to be there with him to watch him most of the time. Make sure he is doing everything he needs to do to do well in all areas of his life. I am a basket case worried and not able to work or concentrate. All day this is all I constantly think of. His aunt is not helping and is actually making disciplining him more difficult than it already is. This is the first time he leaves, but this is not the first time she makes thing difficult by meddling way more than she should. It's like the child who plays both parents to get his way. She is falling into that constantly and makes it difficult for us. His poor mother is far away in another country and worried sick about this too. I should have kicked the aunt out and told her he is not leaving with you period. Ugh! Wondering where I went wrong and what I could have done to have him here.
I am no way near to feeling this way. My husband and I are waiting this out with the same way you are thinking, hoping our son will learn several life lessons from this, but my heart just wants him back. I am aching, hurt, weak, a basket case. I don't know how much longer I can stay strong and resist the urge to ask him to come back. What if he doesn't? What about making sure nothing happens to him? So much is going through my mind.
What about reporting her a runaway? Isn't there protection to the parent of a rebellious child, by having a report on record? My heart goes out to all hurting moms, dads, grandparents and families.
I have a 17 yr old. She will turn 18 in four months. Senior in high school. She has always been spunky, but kind. Her first job she made a friend. That girl seemed a little off but I chalked it up as an over protective mom. After all. She was going to be 18 soon and I can't protect her from life's experiences! Could I?
Long story short; her behavior was becoming more rebellious and she too would refuse to come home. So, I used the law. Once she was home and would start to act up; I would call the police and tell them she was acting out of control and I'm scared for her. Once she knew they were coming she suddenly got control! When they arrived I would explain the situation. They would talk to her and peace (of sorts) would resume. After about eight times of calling the police, they proceeded to tell me they couldn't continue responding to these calls. I replied with "yes, you will!" They looked at me and said "NO". I closed it with: "if you are going to take away MY parental ability to discipline MY child in an effort to raise a respectful, law abiding person: then I WILL allow you to discipline them!" The officer informed me I had the right to discipline in a "spare the rod, spoil the child" kind of way along with the perimeters. Guess what!? We have more rights than we give ourselves! Look into your states laws. Perhaps there are reports you can file that protect you, as well as, show our children who really is the alpha male. Please understand I don't think beating a child is the answer. But, sometimes rebellion needs to be taken behind the barn with a switch and other times with prayers.
WE ARE THE PARENTS. THEY ARE OUR CHILDREN! Who loves them more than us? Who wants their safety more than us? Who has their best interest at heart more than us? I remember the day when "we" would get in trouble, our friends would ask us to play and we would say....*with head hung low....I can't. I'm grounded. When asked what happened, we would reply by stating our wrong doing. Now a days when their friends ask "what happened?" The response generally is......"my parents are stupid" they don't take responsibility! It's a world of entitlement and offenses! It's all about the children's rights. When do we as parents, take back our rights?
My son is 17, he will be 18 next summer. He lost his license already, and got an MIP 3 weeks ago. I have tried everything with this kid as best I can as a working single parent! Last week I took him out for dinner and he actually spit a couple of pieces of food at my!!!! That was the last straw for me! I want him to go live with his dad even though I know I love him and will miss him (or the way he use to be...) he is very disrespectful, almost threatening, smokes pot, already went through treatment several months ago. Gets in trouble at school for disrespecting the teachers. In the past I was letting him use my car, but he was not to go out of our city limits, he did it all the time! He says things that he knows should hurt my feelings deeply. But all in all, I still feel guilty for wanting him to go live with his dad! he doesn't want to do that because he lives in a different town, but I just can't take it anymore, I am stressed, worried, angry, and sad all the time as I watch him make his poor choices every single day! I feel for the single parents who don't have the option of shipping their rebellious kid to the other parent's. I will still continue to try to get him to go to Job Corps.
The main problem between teens and their parents is that they don’t understand each other not even want to try. The age difference between them creates big misunderstanding and problems. I think to solve this problem both have to understand each other so they can solve their problem with their experience.
I dont know what to do my daughter left my house after an argument with me 4days ago I know who shes with but I dont know where she lives she's contacted me though facebook but she dont plan to come back what can I do she's only 15
Thank you so much for your post. Your unfortunate story is very similar to mines, but my son started when he was 13. I's terrible, i don't wish this pain even on my worst enemy, which by the way i don't have. God Bless and hope things are doing better.