Some help with my 2.5 yr old

[sadiesmommy]

Hello all, thanks in advance for any and all advice you can offer. First a little background: I am currently 25 weeks pregnant with twin boys. Back on the first of August me and my two year old son moved in with my parents as I was placed on bedrest and my husbands schedule didn't allow for us to be home with all my restricitions. Everything had been going great - my family pitched in huge and when my mom started work again, my sister began taking him for two days during the week so I could relax (at the end of August). My bedrest was lifted at the beginning of Sept. but I have been instructed against, lifting, errands and only allowed light meal prep (basically things that will keep me on my feet a limited amount of time). All continued to be well until about two + weeks ago. I would be at my sisters to visit or to pick him up and he out of nowhere would push my 1yr old niece to the floor or pull at the 5yr olds hair. They seemed to be constantly at odds and fighting over toys ect.., which I know a lot of behavior is normal at his age. However, I have tried every form of discipline - time out with explanation, time out without explanation, time alone in a crib away from the other children and even spanking when warranted - the problem is with the hitting I feel it is counterproductive to spank him as punishment so we do ALOT of time in time out. He always apologizes right after but then 30 seconds later is doing it again!! I am being ridiculous or is this just the phase he is in right now. He even hits his older step brother which we try to ignore for the most part because my step son feels as though if he is walking in his direction he is trying to hit him but when toys get used as weapons in the process I always intervene!!! I have tried also explaining to my step son that he has to be careful how he plays with him because while my 10yr old has the motor coordination to engage in "pretend fighting" my 2yr.old certainly lacks some of the motor coordination to always prevent contact during "play".
Any ideas???? I know the living situation is not it's normal but it has been at least pretty routine for us since August so I don't know how much it would be a factor still if he were to be acting out.
I also had a question on potty training - we are at the beginning and only working on it when he shows interest but I noticed that his BM's are still mushy and not formed - shouldn't they be and could this have anything to do with his lack of interest at times because a mushy BM sensation is definately easier to ignore than one that is a little firmer and may require a little more effort to accomplish???
Okay I think that is it - thanks again in advance in case I don't get back to each of you personally!!!!

[sadiesmommy]

Thanks so much for your thoughts. Time out is definately the most consistent I usually only resort to spanking when time out has been tired a few times. I started with time out when he was about a year old, I started with the one minute per your age but quickly realized in most cases it was not long enough to make an impression. The hitting started around a month before he turned two and I had thought we had gotten a pretty good handle on it for a few months and now this. I know what you mean about the older boys and I definately don't try to force play between the two of them but i will on occassion ask him to occupy his brother while I make dinner which I know can be frustrating for both of them but they are part of a family and my step son has definately had a harder time adjusting to it as he was basically an only child in both households until he was almost eight (ours and his moms). I am in no hurry for potty training and am so glad you said that. Oh well, its just so frustrating to see my little boy be such a bully at times and I know there is probably alot going on in his head that he cannot verablize just yet as well so I will keep on with the time outs and try my best to help him understand the why of it all. I am sure once the babies arrive and we are back at home there will be some improvement!! Thanks for the support

[babygirl6152]

I would use only one tactic- time out- or spankings (for 3 months- stay consistent)- do the explaining after he has served his time out- have him show some act of sorrow, hug-  I have some notes in my journal if you would care to read.....

I have 2 year olds in preschool and they don't do much hitting-

in our family, and this may be hard and may not make sense to you- but the big boys are out playing with the big boys and don't play with 2 year olds- for the exact reason you said- and wether they admit it or not right away they usually resent playing with little ones- I know lots of folks won't agree with that- but that is the way we do-----
that does not mean there is no interaction with the little ones- they eat together- hug them good nite, maybe read them a story- help them dress, just my 2 cents though.

How long are the time outs/ maybe it doesn't sting enough- maybe 10 -15 minutes/


with all that is going on I would not fiddle with toilet training right now- I am sure others will think it is fine and I am sure you will be glad to get rid of those diapers....

mushy bm's are usually from lots of water/juice/fruit or combination
although if he is withholding there could be seepage and the well formed bm is still waiting behind .... although you said he does show interest so maybe encouraging only won't hurt anything-

we are here to support you-  you are a good momma- keep on trying