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Avatar universal

sexual curiosity?

I walked into our living room today and caught my 2 year old daughter on top of my 5 year old son. He was holding her and humping her!

His pants were on but unbuttoned.

I explained to him that what he did was wrong because it was for grown ups only and not for children.

I also told him that people don't do that to their brothers or sisters.

He seems to be very interested in his sister and I know that he's touched her before and I thought I took care of it.

I've even caught him peeking at me in the bathroom throught the keyhole in the door.

Why is he so curious?

I no longer let them take baths together and they are not allowed to be naked unless they are taking baths or getting dressed.

He has shown her his private areas before. I just think that this is NOT normal curiosity and that somebody at some point has done something to him. I just have a bad feeling.

I'm not sure what else to do or what direction to go with this.

Should I talk to a doctor?

What else should I explain to both of them?

I'm so shocked and at a loss of what to do next.
55 Responses
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Avatar universal
Little girls can be sexy and horny. There's nothing wrong with this.
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
AND I will tell you my son has NEVER been sexually abused
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
Be careful though, do not tell him "it is bad" use different words. A child told that their private parts are "bad" or "private" have extreme issues on later life with their sexuality.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I disagree with the first respondent.  If your son's behavior was just like they describe, potty talk and touching and "hitting" that would be normal.  What is key to pay attention to is how your son is mimicing adult sexual behavior (laying on top of his sister and humping her).  He is repeating behavior he has seen or experienced.  Ask him if he has seen someone do this or had someone do it to him.  Also continue to have discussions with him about private parts and help him set proper boundaries.
Helpful - 0
14221803 tn?1433445323
hi how are you today just read your artical im a grandmother of four  boy 10 three girls soon will be 8 in July one just turned 3 in January one turned 1 on Christmas day. yesterday my grandson came downstairs and told my daughter the 7 year old pulled her pants down to scratch her leg she was upstairs with a male friend who is 8  my daughter i think did it the wrong way she asked her what was she during she told my daughter  my daughter told her she was fast and dont do it again. poped her a couple of times and sent her to her room i wanted to say something but i knew my daughter and i would said words i want to think that maybe something like this happen before really concern i have other concerns about the way my daughter do her parenting
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
FYI -CPS will NOT always take the child first and ask questions later. That is NOT the case at all. My niece was molested by my sister's father-in-law. When my sister finally got the guts to report him to the authorities, the police got involved and they did their questioning of the child. CPS did not show up until a few days later. What you MUST do when CPS is involved is COOPERATE with them, answer questions truthfully and do NOT appear like you are hiding something, because if they suspect that you are hiding something or that you are not cooperating, then they can take your kid for 72 hours without much due process-- and THAT is a fact!  IF at the unfortunate event that CPS gets involved, you want to get that case resolved/closed ASAP or else, if it goes beyond 30 days, it WILL grow into a full-blown investigation and will get more complicated.  I have a friend who is a senior rep at CPS, and believe me, as much as possible, you want to avoid involving CPS if it is something that can be handled within the family, like keeping a closer eye on the child and doing some "investigative work" on how he came to learn of that "sexual" behavior. When my niece was interviewed by the authorities, they have a way to make kids talk. She told the authorities more about what her monster of a grandpa did to her, and she demonstrated them using dolls too, so in case your "personal investigation" makes you uneasy, and the boy actually mentions names, and the behavior persists, you may want to call in the authorities yourself, because if you tell the doctor, the doctor WILL call CPS on you-- and that is worse than you reporting it first yourself.  Doctors are required to contact CPS and report any alleged sexual abuse case, so talking to the doctor may not always be the best thing. It is ALWAYS hard when someone touches your child inappropriately. I know this because when my daughter was younger, an adult at her daycare (not the caregiver) touched her inappropriately, but as far as I could tell, my daughter said it happened only once. Thankfully, my daughter was very vocal and she always told me everything . I took her to the doctor right away. The doctor checked her, and when I mentioned what happened, the doctor reported it right away to CPS rep at the hospital without even asking us if it was ok. Of course, I was fine with reporting it, but because I did not get to report it first, CPS had to interview us and do a home check, etc. Up to now, my daughter has a record for a "history of abuse". That is why I took a $2000 PER MONTH pay cut and took the graveyard shift so I don't leave my kids with anyone else. Forget daycare. I can't trust everyone there. If it's not the caregiver themselves who have the potential to hurt my kids, it would be other kids. IF you can at all, try rearranging your lives, budgets and careers to allow you to care for your kids yourselves. Don't be "sponsors" of your kids' upbringings by working your butts off the whole day and spending hundreds if not thousands per month for daycare. Your kids are only little children for a little while. Before you know it, they are too big and too grown up to want to be around you. It only takes once for any one to rob your kid of their innocence. Besides, the time you spend with them in childhood will always be a special time. I am currently homeschooling both my kids. IT IS TOUGH to be working full time at night, caring for them during the day AND homeschooling, but it IS doable.  I know it is not for everyone, and at first, I did not think we could do it, but now that we are doing it, I would not every leave my kids on daycare again. Homeschooled kids are VERY self-confident, at least mine are, as well as the few others I have met. Why? because they don't get bullied by other kids in school. My kids also do NOT watch regular TV shows, we don't even have cable TV. They watch pre-approved movies (pre-watched by me or their dad) and they are personally supervised when using the computer. They are enjoying their time together and with their friends during the supervised playtimes with other children. At the park, my daughter has no problems making friends and rounding up other kids and telling them the rules of the game. Try spending more time with your kids. Not just being in the same room, but actually being there for them to converse with and even play with. Then you will be amazed when they look at you in wonder and ask: "Mamma, why do you know everything about us like it's magic?" It's because when you are there with them, you will learn to read your kids and their actions more accurately than any psychologists can. So many people off-load their kids' care to others so much and then blame others when things go wrong. I grew up in a family where all 4 of us sisters had a personal nanny assigned to us. My mom was a career woman and my Dad was a business man. They loved us, but hardly spent time with us. If any of you saw the movie "The Help", with the main character taking care of that young woman's daughter, that was similar to our situation.  Truthfully, if we adults want to have children, then we should at least try to care for them ourselves, not just off-load them to be cared for by someone else, then expect them to have the behavior we want them to have when we are not even around them enough to teach it? Our greatest wealth are our kids. Their innocence are very fragile. Guard their innocence with your life--even if it means less perks in life for you and not so fancy cars to drive for your partner. CPS should not have to interfere with our children if we do our part as parents well. Good luck.
Helpful - 0
5694898 tn?1372543842
its natural for anyone any age 2 do stuff like that when i have kids i wont make them do anything like that but if they explore they explore their not gonna be like that for ever i think it is very important for kids to xp that i am very realistic
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Did you check her private to see if it was red or look like it had been violated?  You should have taken her to the doctor so they could have looked for bruises.  I would have went straight to that parents house.   3 years old or not your daughter knows what happens to her and you should always believe what she tells you. JMO
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Kids are curious at all ages. I think at age 7 I might worry but never call cps. I do understand how some people see it as someone inappropriately touched their child but you have to put yourself in your childs shoes and see it the way a child of whatever age sees and understands it.  I have a two yr old son and if he touched another child I can't get on to him cause he doesn't understand. Like he doesn't know what sex is. Duh! Just like a fiv year old. they dont really fully know and understand unless youR really going into full detail and teaching your child all about sex and stuff. (Which I don't recommend)  . And beating up someones mom cause their 3 or 5 yr old touched ur daughter cause they are to young to understand is very adult like. Let's teach our children violence instead of being an adult and talkin to the other parent about the situation that made u uncomfortable. Way to go! YouR teaching your child well. Ya thank god u found jesus cause u really need some guidance.
Helpful - 0
4707031 tn?1358202137
my situation is similar, except for i have 7 and 8 yr old boys and a 3 yr old daughter. it has been a year since i found out and was able to began watching more closely, blessed i was that my baby girl is the youngest of 6 and very intelligent even though she could not talk, was able to give me a full story on what was going on, of course i freaked out..... i blamed my 7 n 8 yr olds but more myself till its been a whole yr and im still so messed up about it that i jus came apon your story today. however i wish i would have done this type of search much earlier because you all have helped me remember that kids do experiment..... instead i've spent all this time feeling guilty and ashamed and had no one to talk to, i thought i failed my baby girl, i love her so much, i felt i was the worst... and not knowing what to do i got the wrong people involved and made more of a mess  
Helpful - 0
4216832 tn?1351192714
Hello kimaling.. i had to comment on ur post because it brought up a red flag with the kids in my house.. I have a 2 year old daughter she has not shown any signs of curiosity or anything yet, but she has a 4 yr old sister from her dads past relationship. I have caught her a couple of times checking her self out and kind of touching her private, I dont have her often she is usually going from her moms house to grandmas house and to our house. What has got me questioning her is there has been times where she has grabbed my boobs and tried to kiss me when i was changing her after a shower. I thought it was weird cuz it wasnt like a lovable kiss a kid gives their mom but more like romantic.Recently she surprised me because out of nowhere i was doing something and she comes and pokes me from behind i literraly felt her lil finger. she had never done that before she would just slap my butt or grab it.. So when u said to worry when the kids initiate something like that I'm worry because my daughter loves her sister and always follows her and one time i caought them lokked in my closet.. it really worries me. I can not talk to the mother because she takes everything so deffensive.. What can I do, if their is anything i should do...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Please could you send me the link for this website.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Its totally normal, and most of what all of you have written on here IS NORMAL TOTALLY.   Talk about a bunch of worry warts, omg I have never heard so much stuff that omg your son is going to turn into a molester and rapist and have sexual disfunctions.
Good god ladies shut up, read a book on child sexuality and shut the heck up, get off the internet and sharing what is a personal family subject with strangers.  3/4s of which are completely illieterate or drunk by their spelling and phrases.  Jeesus.  There are books, there are pediatricans, and last but not least YOU can go to a child shrink and ask them also without taking the child and embarrassing him more.
THe best thing to do is play it down, and explain that its not appropriate to play with their "wanker" and that it can get dirty, or in my case we have a big dog I fear will chomp it off,  Seriously!   Also keep their underware on, and get their mind on something else.  Most often children do it more when they are bored and with severly lacking attention from parents and playing with other children your child will get bored and play with anything that feefs kinda good.
Now get a grip, keep it in your family, nothing is wrong with your children.  Geeshus.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You're dumb, I feel sorry for your kids and you for thinking it's okay to hand off your problems to the "professionals!!!!" If that's who you think has the best interest for you're kids then why are you even bothering corrupting them.  Anyone who's not willing to discuss sex and body parts or basically just ANYTHING to their kids is setting them up for the worst.  It's really sad you think you're daughter's "acting normal" when she's probably just scared of you and can never live a normal life now because you let what should of been a learning milestone out to be the worst experience of her life.  Sexually confused children, are learning from childish role models and do deserve to know the truth.  It's sad to think of where she will finally learn about it, let's just all hope there's someone smart around!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You have some serrious issues within... Perhaps you should pray on that.
Let professionals decide what is or isn't normal, not chemically imbalanced people like shandel.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
It sound like the step daughter has a yeast infection, which are not as uncommon as you'd think. The manifest a little different with that age, the skin gets irritated too due to the lack of hair to keep it more controlled. Take her to a pediatrician next time she comes. Also, don't worry about the legal action, no judge would take away rights based on a paranoid Mother's assumption of wrong doing.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You are right on track!
Girls cannot get pregnant till the get their period, & if your daughter is having a period at 10 then you have a serrious problem. The youngest should be 12 otherwise their are hormonal issues. Maybe you should spend less time calling CPS on people & more time parenting. Take your early bloomer and get her checked out. I was 11 when I got mine & therapy were coserned even at that age.
To the original question...
You should always voice your concerns to a professional, because they can either help fix it or ease your mind. There is no harm in just asking.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
there is something seriously seriously wrong with you! This event happened 5 years ago in the first place! You don't call CPS on your own babies. Yes, babies that is what they are. You handle things with in your family, talk to your doctor and go from there. Complete and utter ignorance from people who do that. Not to mention the fact that no one knows what goes on in foster homes. You call CPS and they take those kids, and then those kids/babies get put in a home where a jealous 15 year old son sexually and physically abuses one or more of those 2 babies....yeah great idea! At least in their own home, with concerned, loving and definitely aware of parents, they will be getting the help they need! No wonder the system is so full of children that do not need to be there, with people like you making decisions!
Helpful - 0
3122331 tn?1342133472
Lol- 'saved by the lord'. Ok- going on JUST THAT, obviously you have things in your past that you are not proud of otherwise you wouldn't have had to be "saved" (i.e. "beating the crap out of your neighbor") and you were an adult that knew better. Now you have LITTLE KIDS that you are saying should be "tooken" (seriously, use spell check) out of the house for acting in a way that they do not know is innappropriate. You are an uninformed ADULT, and you are wanting to punish uninformed CHILDREN? Educate yourself. Set your religious beliefs and personal beliefs aside for a moment and do research, look at the facts, not what you BELIEVE is right. Any child professional that you will speak with, any article you will read on normal childhood behavior tells you that children being curious about their private areas is 100% to be expected. Acting out in a way that seems weird to adults is what kids do in any situation- sexual or not. How do you suppose any person in this world discovers that they are sexual beings? It begins somewhere... right?!? I am not saying that a child "humping his sister" is acceptable, and yes, maybe that parent should speak with their Dr. and get some statistical facts, but by no means does it mean they have failed as a parent or that their kid has something wrong with him to warrant removing him from the home. Seriously,if one child ask another to take her pants down and play "I'll show you mine if you show me yours", is the kid that took her pants down the "victim" or is she probably just as curious as the kid that asked her to take them down? Why else would she pull them down instead of saying "no" and telling her parent? Does it make you a bad parent because your kid didn't understand to say "no"? I can only hope for you that your child exibits some behavior at some point that is 100% normal and you see that it has no reflection on you as a parent but is simply a kid being a kid.

I initially came on this page because my four year old daughter is exibiting curiousity and I wanted to do research on how I as the adult should handle it. At first I was very "creeped out" and didn't know what to do with her. After reading many posts, many articles, speaking with other parents and professionals, I am seeing that it is the parents that instantly want to call CPS, that are the problem. As bothered as I was by the problem personally, I read these posts and see that yeah, feeling disturbed by our kids acting out in a sexual way is normal, but their behavior is also normal. I refuse to be ignorant like the parents on here that instantly shout out that a SMALL CHILD has a problem and needs to be taken out of their home. YOU are the problem. Educate yourself, then educate your children and finally- stay away from my children. I'd hate to think that someone may call CPS on me because my child acted in a normal way because she is curious.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I totally agree with you!. These people that say this is normal are crazy!> I cannot believe how many people think that it is not a big deal. It really upsets me! I have a daughter who was touched by a 3 and 5 year old neighbor boy. I beat the crap out of their mother. This was before I was saved and was living for the lord. I very much regret fighting her and I should have called the law and cps instead. I counseled my daughter and prayed many times. She acts normal and is very well behaved, sweet and smart. There are no issues but she still remembers it and knows that they were wrong but It still breaks my heart and I still cry and pray to this day!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You should have done something about this the first time he touched your daughter, and you should have put him in counseling/therapy. If I were you I would NEVER allow him to be alone with his sister or any child. Now you need to get both of them help!. They need counseling and this situation should be investigated by cps. Your son should be tooken out of the home and put in a special therapy home.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You should have done something about this the first time he touched your daughter, and you should have put him in counseling/therapy. If I were you I would NEVER allow him to be alone with his sister or any child. Now you need to get both of them help!. They need counseling and this situation should be investigated by cps. Your son should be tooken out of the home and put in a special therapy home.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I think he's just extremely curious. I advise you to just keep a closer eye on them when they play together and hopefully he'll grow out of that stage. I really think once he's older and understands everything a little more, he'll get out of this 'awkward' stage.

Don't worry though, there's nothing you have to be afraid of, or go calling doctors for. In fact, when I was younger, I had 2 cousins that were the same age as me which was around 7ish? They were brother and sister, and the sister would always come up to me and tell me things like how her brother kept on showing her his 'lower regions'. But then she'd go and pressure me into doing things with her as well. I'd be slightly confused and curious, so I'd go along with it. But as once we noticed it was wrong we stopped and never ever mentioned it again. Ever. It's sort of like something you'd wish you could go back in time and prevent. But hey, it happens.

But now that I think about it, I was never sexually curious back then. But my two cousins obviously were. And they constantly would say that they saw their parents "lying on top of each other" or "having sex" and "eeew". So that may have lead to the curiosity?

That's another good point. Be VERY good at hiding your 'special time' from your children. If/When they catch you, it'll probably be the most scarring thing in their lives, and also get them to be more 'curious'.

I, thankfully, have never caught my parents having intercourse. And I love them for that.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Personally, I would have to mention this to the parents of the little boy and provide for closer supervision in future when they "play".
Helpful - 0

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