10 year old step-child not sleeping at our house

[KAdams]

Recently my 10 year old step daughter is not sleeping at her Dad's house.  We had this issue when she was 7.  Her Mom recommended putting a TV in her room because she put one in at her house.  We did this, thinking we should be on the same page as her Mom.  But it lasted about 3 mos. because it turned in to a battle every night for "more time" (TV was on a timer) and we'd go in her room at midnight and she was still up!  We finally removed it from her room and replaced it with relaxation CDs and started a rewards system.  The rewards we did for a year, but we've continued the CDs for the past 3 years.  They worked all this time, but recently she's started waking us up again.  She says she has nightmares, can't sleep, wants in bed w/ us, or wants to call her Mom.  We accomodate her w/ a night light and a very bright overhead light, she still says she's scared.  I really think the light is keeping her awake, not helping her sleep.  My husband talked to her Mom and she advised that we let her sleep w/ us because she is sleeping w/ her (as well as her 3 year old sister - she's a single Mom).  My husband told her that we don't have room in our bed for 3 and he doesn't want her sleeping w/ us anyway at her age.  She recommended that we get her a sleeping bag for our room.  We don't want to start that either.  She needs to be in her own bed where it's comfortable, not on a hard floor.  Her Mom also told us that she is refusing to take showers at her house at night.  The only way she will, is if her Mom stands outside the bathroom door.  It seems like her Mom is babying her and now she expects the same at our house.  I think she has separation anxiety from her Mom when she's with us (she has a cell phone and texts her Mom the entire weekend she's w/ us).  I also think she's jealous because her Mom has 2 other (younger) kids that take up a lot of her time, so she does what she can for her Mom's attention.  I think we should encourage her to be independent, by sleeping in her own bed and taking showers alone.  Not encourage her to be dependent on us like her Mom is doing.  Please advise.

[margypops]

I agree with you, and it does sound as if it is a batyle of the houses, the best thing for you to do is continue to let her stay in her own room and if she complains of nightmares dont make an issue of it, it is possibly she is trying to get more attention, so dont give it for these issues , feeding into it makes it worse, instead try to make her stay with you one that she will enjoy,, get her doing games and outside Fun, activities, be clever fill her time with you with pleasure, and she will want to be there and let her Mom say what she likes ,its your time with her make it a fun time and not dwell on negativities, if she complains let her , shrug it off. Focus on her positive side.Let her Mom worry about the showers .

[margypops]

PS  You are correct about the TV make sure she has a lot of nice books instead to read, and read to her before bed and anytime, reading is the best thing for her.