Help with angry 6 yr old

[alexablue]

We have 2 boys, 4 & 6. My 6 yr old is very very smart, bright and active. He always did everything very early on however we have had behavior issues in school and at times with sitters. In school, gets up out of his seat without persmission, hitting and threatening kids, potty language, repeats everything that he hears from home! With sitters and new people, its almost like he is testing his limits, he will use bad languge, hit his brother very very hard at times, and again repeat family things. He is infatuated with "older" kids and thinks he is on the same level as adults.
He also refuses to sleep in his own bed. During May & June he went back to his bed!!! We were amazed but as soon as school was over, and the new sitter started, the fighting between the boys has gotten worse, and he is back in our bed. Even when we move him to his room, he wakes up and comes back.  He also micmics EVERYTHING he sees and hears on TV or from others. My son loves to try on new personas! We really have to monitor everything that he is exposed to!

In the park, he plays well with others, a few times kids have come over to the sitter and said " he said bad words or he cursed at us". However, we have no problems controlling him, we go out to dinner, the movies, road-plane trips, theater, etc. with no issues. Yes, sometimes he will ask for toys, etc. the normal things but he is controllable.

I have taken him to see 3 (THREE) psychologist and they all said that he is fine and just getting bored in school, and regular sibling rivalry.  He participates in activities like ballroom dancing, lego robotics and sports is mostly follows the rules. At times he will go off and do his own things, but I get no complaints.

[Rebecca Resnik, PsyD]

Ok, I see what you mean.

The different perspectives probably reflect how those people were trained. Usually psychologists have more expertise in psychopathology, so I am guessing when those doctors said there was nothing wrong they meant that he did not warrant a diagnosis. I am not sure what you are seeing is 'alarming' though, but certainly more that any parent wants to have to deal with on a routine basis. Hope you find someone who can help make life easier!

Rebecca

[alexablue]

I mean that when he is with his parents and family members and other school staff besides his classroom teacher he is controllable. Its amazing how a psychologist will not see anything wrong and just tell us to use positive support and be patient but a social worker and or play therapist will see "alarming" signs. Thanks

[Rebecca Resnik, PsyD]

Hello,
  Given what you have said about this child's behavior, I am not sure I understand what you mean when you say he is under control. I doubt you find it acceptable that he hits his brothers, threatens others, curses, and dictates to you when he can invade your bed. While I am glad you have seen psychologists, I am concerned that you asked for help and your concerns were not taken seriously.  I do not see this behavior as typical, and why on earth should you, teachers, sitters and his siblings have to tolerate it? Children who feel good do not act in these ways towards others. Simple boredom does not explain aggression towards others. Keep in mind that even 'regular' sibling rivalry can be very detrimental to the family. Also, schools are very intolerant of aggressive behavior nowadays, and you need to make sure your son is not going to hurt or frighten another child.

    I would recommend you find a psychotherapist who specializes in parent management training (also known as parent effectiveness training, applied behavior analysis, or parent guidance). It does not have to be a psychologist, as many licensed counselors and social workers with advanced degrees can provide these services well. I also strongly recommend several books, all of which have been out for a long time and can be obtained used over the internet for just a few dollars: The Kazdin Method by Alan Kazdin, Your Defiant Child by Russell Barkley and Siblings without Rivalry by Adele Faber.  

Best Wishes
Rebecca Resnik