my son is almost 4. His father left when he was 7 months old, but has had visiation and an active role in his life. My son panics frequently when it is time for him to go with his dad. He will either throw a tantrum, cry and whine, or have an anxiety attack, he also gags as though he is geting sick. Before he could verbalize his not wanting to go, he would do things such as stiffen his body so his father could get him in his vechicle. IT gets so bad at times he fights going to preschool, hypervenalates (sp?), red face, tears streaming, and fighting to get out of his fathers grip. I cant take watching this anymore. I thought he just need to adjust, but it has been three and a half years, and it is becoming more dramatic now that he can verbalize his wishes. He constantly says "no daddy, I want mom". He says it at bedtime, when the phone rings, when we ge in the car, or when its time to leave school. It breaks my heart. His father says that once he gets on the road or once he is settled in his home he is fine, but I hear "no daddy" atleast once a day, while trying to make is father aware this is just not a "exchange" problem, but still trying to not hurt his feelings, I don't think he wants to face how big this problem really is. He will hide under the table if he sees his father is there to pick him up from school or he will have a panic attack. there are just so many things my son has done to red flag me that this is a serious issue for him. I have made a daily calendar to show him what his day looks like each day, the teacher works with me and reinforces and helps encourage, I happily have him find things to take to daddys to share with daddy, I encourage him to let daddy hold him when I am present (he will not want anything to do with him if i am near), we make pictures, and crafts for daddy, I just don't know what else to do and what could be causing this. It has gone on for so long so it obviously isn't an adjustment to a change, there really hasn't been any since he was seven months old. What is this? and what can I do to help my son?