After years of ineffectual struggle with this curse, I’m starting to believe this hell is going to last forever. I’m only 17 now. What happens when I grow up? How am I going to deal with job interview? University? Social life? I’m going to be rejected, humiliated and isolated as always. everyone will try to get rid of me, that limits my life so much. For example, bank security guard didn’t let me in, while he let in others. It obviously means he did that only because I stink. Some teachers avoid me, they don’t want to conduct extra curriculums, so they pretend they are busy. Such things happen now and will happen in the future, and it’s going to be way more difficult, like eviction, etc. It humiliates and limits me. I almost feel like I’m a disabled person with limited opportunities. it’s so painful.
Regarding job, okay, I might study and work online. But what kind of life it is? Imagine staying home for the rest of your life, studying home and working home. Completely alone, with no friends. I know I’d still have my parents, the only close people, but what happens when they die? I’m going to be so damn alone and isolated. No parents, no friends (online pals don’t count), no spouse, no kids. Just staying home 24/7 and working. This makes me rapidly become depressed and suicidal. I just don’t know if it’s possible to be happy with such condition.
Sorry for complaining.