I think you'd be doing your wife an extraordinarily big favour if you left her. I don't know her, but my heart aches for her at having a man like you in her life. She deserves so much better, and I hope she finds it.
Wow, I can't believe no body talks about this. There is no way a husband or wife can alter their body and then say it is only their business. Imagine a wife who is only attracted to tall men. One day her husband comes home and say,"Being 6'5" makes me feel socially awkward and people always stare at me. Clothes never fit right and they are hard to find. I'm reducing my height to 5'6" so I can live a better life." Post-op the wife would not feel as attracted to the husband and many "height fixated" women would file for a divorce. Somehow, men who are attracted to large breasts are villianize, but it is a common and natural thing among men. Unless a wife is in pain and everything else has been attempted to help, I think wives are wrong to get reductions. Why would a wife want to make herself less atrractive to her husband? Totally selfish.
Women have no clue. You completely discount what this man is saying. He is telling you how he feels. My wife had a breast reduction 10 years ago and I am still depressed about it. Poor me I know, but that is how I feel. If there is any constructive suggestions for men who are depressed about their wives breast reduction please comment
The love of my life did this.... I think it ruined our entire future together and it breaks my heart into a million pieces because I loved her for so many other reasons, but without sexual attraction Our relationship doesn’t work.
She could’ve gained 500 pounds, cut off her arm, and got a tattoo on her face... all of those things would have been easier for me to deal with than this.
Women on here are scolding men for being shallow just because they have a differset of priorities of what they want in a mate, and women aren’t as visual. You all don’t understand.
I strongly discourage women from doing this.... they don’t realize what they are doing.
men would rather have imperfect large breast than reshaped small ones.
Deviststed in Denver
I am 10 years removed from my wife's decision for reduction.
She is a totally good person; a bit controlling, but a good person overall and a great mother.
My wife went ahead with the decision to have breast reduction. She had the classic symptoms of back aches, etc. She met one of her old friends who had a breast reduction and she came home stating she was going to move forward with exploring the reduction.
I understood that this was something that needed to be considered. I asked her to consider looking at weight loss, exercise, etc. before proceeding with such a drastic and radical procedure.
She had her initial consultation and she decided to move forward. I kept pressing as to how much tissue would be removed, etc. All that I got was they would be perkier. I'm a quantative person. How much means 200 grams? 500 grams? 40% smaller? I told her if it was what she needed to do then she should.
I was never invited for a consultation by her or her cosmetic surgeon. I was basically told, I'm moving forward. I tried to persuade her to reconsider or at least look at other alternatives.
The day of the surgery, I drop her off. Park the car. I go to the staff and ask about the length of surgery. No one at the clinic advised me to stay. I had my cell phone with me. I was told the surgery would be about 3 hours so to go ahead and get breakfast. I stayed on site and left cell phone.
Fast forward. Surgery is completed. I knew the results would be shocking at the front end as I had went on internet and researched info and pictures so there was no shock about the bruising and scars. I was hopeful of the "new look"
The surgery was well done. Scarring minimal, etc. But after the breasts had settled I was shocked as to how much tissue was taken. My wife's breasts were reduced at least 50%. I mentioned once to my wife that I was surprised at how extreme the reduction had been and I was struggling with it. I was then told that the surgeon had called out to have me come in and discuss this. Seriously???? I was already at breakfast and nobody called the cell phone. I wasn't advised to stay and in fact was encouraged to go have breakfast due to length of surgery. Furthermore, what doctor and patient consults with you right before the surgery. As if there were any adjustments that could be made at that time.
10 years out, I have never gotten over it. I don't say anything because if I do I'm a selfish bast*rd. I've tried counseling, Viagra, touch,,, etc. The reality is I love my wife emotionally and I am totally faithful, but the visual and touch sensation is gone and our sex life is basically over.
I am angry, but nothing is going to change so I've resigned myself to being a partner in raising our children and in our household management and respective business decisions. The intimacy is gone. There is nothing that can unwire a man's preferences. It isn't just about the size reduction. Surgically altered breasts (enhancement or reduction) do not feel or look the same and a man's brain is wired for a certain look and feel. I am an emotionally sensitive person, but for men in general, there is a certain disconnect between emotionional and physical attraction. We don't dare speak this general truth as we are villified.
My wife could just have well kicked me in the testacles as it has rendered the same result. Sex life is over. We respect each other, but that part of our lives is over.
I agree that women have the right to do with their bodies what they want; unfortunately, in this situation the consequences for many males is loss of physical desire after that alteration. It is what it is. Those women who post on this site that we are selfish pigs are just as shallow as you allude to us being. You are suppressing our feelings and that is a fact.
Is this just about really liking big boobs or are you feeling like your wives/girlfriends made this decision without taking your feelings into consideration? As a woman about to undergo a breast reduction, I can tell you it is very easy to get caught up with the notion of finally being ‘free’ of these burdens that cause daily aggravation – from unwanted attention to outright physical agony – that it is difficult to see a downside sometimes.
If my boyfriend told me he wanted me to keep my large breasts, I would have them reduced anyway. I would be very sorry that he felt that way but this is not a ‘team’ decision, I’m afraid. I do value his opinion and I want him to find me attractive, but he does not have to live with them every moment of every day. I agree that it is important to talk about this kind of thing, however I know and he knows that it would be incredibly selfish of him to expect me to live with enormous breasts (30H), when they make me miserable (physically and mentally), just because it gets him off.
Pdxbrb – honestly, it doesn’t sound like you just ‘prefer a voluptuous woman’ you sound like you really don’t like your wife at all. She is ‘a pile of mashed potatoes’, her breasts are a ‘tragedy’, she looks terrible in clothes but even worse when nude, wanted surgery for ‘a quick fix’ because she is too lazy to exercise, she has never looked worse, etc … and you are faking erectile dysfunction because you do not want to talk about the fact that you are still crying over a breast reduction that you didn’t want her to get. I think you are right to say you put her on a pedestal as she was, and now she has revealed herself to be, in fact, an imperfect human being, you can’t handle it.
Words of encouragement for men and women on both ends of this---- my comment is worth a read for advice and maybe a little or a lot of healing!! I'm a 56 year old woman who had a reduction at age 28. My husband (now married 32 years) agreed to the procedure, because after our second child, my boobs almost hung down to my belly button. Here is the weird part....After the reduction, I sort of blocked everything out, and focused on the kids - my husband and I still had great sex, although he wasn't all over my boobs anymore and I kept them covered and assumed the .. ahem .. top position. Oddly, I didn't care - I wouldn't and couldn't allow myself to care. Fast forward 28 years from reduction dat. Here I sit, with my boobs almost back to the size they were before the reduction, as a spilling over 36 D. Pre-reduction was DD. My boobs are better shaped than they were, but I am anguished over the scars. I practice yoga regularly, and am in good shape, but hate the scars.
Here's where the hope and healing comes in: Instead of wallowing in the past, the woulda (not done it) coulda (not done it) shoulda (not done it), here is my advice to you all. Women, buy some of prettiest, sexiest lingerie you can get your hands on. I like pieces I can shimmy down under my boobs to cover the scar lines, then hoist the boobs up over the top - like a corset. Or push them up over the top of any neckline so your nightie is basically a sling. LOVE yourself , massage vitamin A cream into the scars to get them as supple and faded as possible and grow your hair long!
HUSBANDS! Here is the most important thing for you to do, and I SWEAR it will bring amazing healing to you both. Please try to love her new boobs. Kiss them and caress them (overcome). Fondle them and tell her she is beautiful. Watch it come true, your words are VERY powerful. Buy her flowers, put some petals on her for healing in a moment of togetherness.
Help her heal, because I can guarantee if you are feeling appalled, she is feeling those feelings 100 times over. You can actually turn this around some, and watch for yourself the amazing power of acceptance, love, transformation...all within YOUR ability. Please try
, and see the wonders of your human touch, kind words and caring. Try it...it might not happen over night, but try it for a while and watch your wife become beautiful again. You need it, she needs it. You can't go back but you can change today and tomorrow. Try it... :) Best to you all. xo
I am really sad to read these men's views. I was 17 when I had a breast reduction. I was 120lbs with 32e boobs. Men of all ages constantly stared and made horrible comments and laughed at me with their friends. I felt like a freak having such big boobs on a small body. I had to give up sports because they hurt so much and I wore really baggy clothes to hide them. All I ever wanted was to have normal sized or small boobs like all my friends had. I did not want or understand the attention. I begged my mother to let me get a reduction. I truly believe I had to have it because I was so out of proportion, but I do have scars and this has affected my relationship s with Men because I don't want them to be turned off by me so I have only ever had sex in dark which I know is also a turn off to men. At 33; I've tried so hard to overcome this and tried to think differently about this and hope that someday a men will like me for who I am,and the fact that I have other attractive qualities about me but it seems what most men really want is a nice pair of boobs and that's really really really awful and they will throw away 'love' because of this one aspect. I'd rather be single than be in a relationship with a man who isn't 100% happy with me like the men commenting here.
My beloved wife of 20 years just told me a couple weeks ago she wanted a reduction. I was shocked and didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything and listened. After a couple of days of soul searching I sat her down and explained my perspective.
First, I reminded her that she asked me out after we had met at a party. I really wasn't interested. She used her breasts to attract me and even went so far as to take her shirt off when we started making out a little. They were fabulous and in my testosterone laden youth they were plenty of incentive to seek a second date. Without her breasts I would never have pursued her or fallen in love with her because quite frankly she wasn't my type. She was and still is pretty chubby.
I told her no matter what she does, I will always love her. After 20 years I still lust after her as well. I cannot guarantee that will continue to be the case if she gets a reduction though. The hard truth is she will then be chubby with small or medium boobs in proportion to her body. I am a passionate man and I will not live a passionless life. The implication is clear and the decision is hers. She said she was shocked, upset and flattered all at the same time. I did tell her that I know I should do a better job romancing her to show her how wonderful she is. She doesn't need an esteem boost from smaller boobs. She needs a daily reminder from me.
I feel all the confusion here by the men. Breasts are wonderful. It's some sick game that society plays when you strive for perfection. But if you have a man who truly loves you why change??
As for me. I had a reduction. I hate it. I'm not me anymore. I'm anyone. I'm not special. I wish I'd never done it I am looking to get implants to take me back. Any women. Is it a reduction you want or an uplift. Be clear.
It's incredibly sad to me that so many of you have let your marriages fall apart because of what you deem as a physical imperfection. My boyfriend and I had only been together for 4 months when I underwent my surgery. I was then forced to spend the following 3 months recovering states away from him, but throughout this time he was incredibly loyal and, above all, excited for me. We've been together for over two years now and I have never felt more confident and comfortable in my body, resulting in an even healthier sex life. Next to trust, the most important part of a relationship is putting the other's health and happiness before your own. It's pretty pathetic that a 19 and 20 year old were able to endure something so inconsequential (in the grand scheme of things) better than some of you who have been married for over a decade. I feel sorry for your poor, undervalued wives. I hope they some day find men who will be attracted to their other physical and intellectual aspects which you have failed to appreciate.
I'm very surprised this is the best conversation across the internet so this is my story for the past couple months my wife has been hinting she was going through with this procedure and for the longest i was very supportive and the night before the operation we tried having sex but i really wasn't into it and we both went to bed upset at each other she said it would change her life for the better then the day came i had high hopes that things would come out great until i seen her after the operation i was extremely let down from what was said during the pre op she would go from a g cup down to maybe a solid d cup but she looked more like a average c cup on the way home my disappointment and anger got the better of me and i said some very hurtful things and after she had enough she said some back it took me to call a family crisis line to get advise on how to handle the situation they said the same thing many of the female commenters said "she is the one going through the surgery""it's her life"and etc but the only thing that really hurts my feeling that i thought that we are a team and we should think together instead of apart later that night i reassured her that i wasn't going anywhere but i still fall in with some of the guys i have always been attracted to my wife other than her physical appearance she is loving and trusting and we have been through a lot more together than any other women i have ever been in a serious relationship with but i always enjoyed her being a plus sized girl and that was one of the great physical attributes my wife had c cup sized breast look great on a female of a certain body sized but if you put them on a larger size girl it just doesn't look natural at all i understand the women side of the story with the health benefits but i understand the guys side of maybe getting some reassurance than the procedure won't go horrible wrong she is left with nothing but in the end what is done is done i can't cry over her decision when i have my own life to live that's something she has to live with i don't have to like the final result but i have to accept it because she is my wife and thats who i vowed to honor and cherish just like she is going to honor and cherish me and as far as the other commenters now matter if it's been 1 day or 8 years ago that you and your spouse had this procedure done don't let something special slip away over something like this just remember the good times and the bad and the reasons on why you two decided to get married or get involved into a serious relationship in the first place it's not the men fault that they have feeling's or emotion's and it's not the women fault that they have health concern's with having large breast WE ARE ALL HUMAN and all of us are very unique and in a relationship we need to work with, respect, and understand each others needs and feeling to have a healthy relationship p.s. I HATE C-CUPS!!!
8 years later and I have never gotten used to my wife's changed body. I never will and no amount of counseling will change. I've tried. We're still married but sex life is non existent. I don't dare say anything or I'm a selfish *******. I just suffer in silence and accept the fact that my sex life is basically over. I'm committed to being faithful. The anger is there and it manifests itself in depression but there is nothing I can do to change my wife's body back or erase the image of what was lost to me physically. Sad but true. There are many aspects about my spouse I love. I pleaded with her to reconsider before going ahead with the surgery but was basically told to get over it. If I could have even had some say as to the extend of the reduction I may have felt different, but it basically came down to the surgeon and my wife making the decision and I had no input.
I dare not say anything or I am a bad person. So, I'm sorry ladies who feel we are selfish bastards, but I've tried to adjust. Most men are just wired to the visual appearance of a woman. It has been proven over and over that sex is very much about the visual and tactile experience for men. What are we supposed to do? Deny our hormones? If a women is suffering PMS due to hormonal changes, it is accetable. If a man has inabillity to adapt due to physical changes in a women we are just awful people. Frankly, I give up.
Like already stated "I was surprised at the feelings I have of betrayal, neglect, almost grieving the loss of my favorite part of her body, feelings of depression." My wife had a reduction 13 months ago. I have tried to get used to her new much reduced shape and it is not going well. I find it difficult to look at her scarred breasts. She says what if I had cancer? I say that is different, you underwent a voluntary procedure because you didn't like the way people looked at you. We get nowhere. I more or less can force myself to be with her, but if I think too much while being together I cannot maintain an erection. If I was not in my 60's I would move on, but I don’t relish the thought of "dating." I love her for many reasons, but don't find her sexually attractive. So where does that leave us? In some sort of limbo, a plutonic type relationship without desire that make me nauseous when I think about it. I lusted for my wife for many years, now I have difficulty looking at her.
It's so aweful as a woman to feel that you are worth nothing more than a pair of breasts... My breasts are the same size as when I met my husbad( got larger with pregnancy)After 12-13 years of dealing with emotional issues over this and some other things that have come up in our marriage because of my surgery we are now in the middle of divorce... I can't live with shallow Hal any longer.. I'm a cute, educated, good mom of 3 with great sense of humor and a passion for my job .. Time does not heal this.. Counseling may help sort out deep feeling why this is so over the top
Well I have been with the same partner for 11 years. She got the breast reduction early on in our relationship. Maybe after one year together. I still hold a lot of resentment, anger, frustration, betrayal, depression. I felt and still feel shallow for caring so much about her breasts but that is how I feel. I feel it is something a female will never fully understand. What if I decided to get a penis reduction? Would most woman be accepting of that? Highly unlikely. She had a wonderful pair of breasts and went from DD to B/C . I am partial to big **** but I love breast in all shapes and sizes, they were hers and it hurt a lot to see them go. I repressed it for a while but it just made it worse. I regret not speaking up more prior to her doing it. I feel if she were to consider doing it now I would put a up a huge battle. Also it was not for back issues, purely a confidence thing. Well I wish I was hung like a horse but I'm not going to get an operation! Just had to get that off my chest. Getting married in two months and I am still holding on to this ********. If anyone has any advice to finally put this **** behind me, please let me know.
Rose if there is pain or any other medical condition and a husband doesn't understand the reason for getting it done when it is to take away pain or give you a healthier life. Is a man who fell in love with your boobs and not you. I realize this is not your story. My wife did speak of discomfort or pain every once in awhile, but I rarely ever seen or new that she would take a over the counter pain med and never anything stronger. So how bad was the pain?? I'm guessing and in no way standing in judgment, if anything I
hope when you were in pain there was something you had that would help you. There are no awards for living in pain. My wife about 6 years ago had a skin cancer not diagnosed correctly on her chin for 3 years until she changed doctors. By the grace of God it did not go into her bone. They only had to remove her chin under her bottom lip from right to left, but the chin bone stayed. I walked into the room where she was sitting up and ask me how she looked as there are no mirrors in the room. With my eyes filled with tears that were now rolling down my face, she asked "how do I look"? My mouth open and the words BEAUTIFUL came out he did such a great job. My brain was in high crazy gear crying harder than it ever has asking God "WHERE IS MY WIFES CHIN" AS THERE WAS NOTHING BUT A GAPPING HOLE WHERE HERE CHIN ONCE WAS. My wife had a large scar that was in a football shape. When she asked this time " How do I look during this time " I replied the truth "AS BEAUTIFUL AS EVER" So when its about health there is doubt thing need to be done. But when its really not(not that the marks aren't there and the straps are leaving marks) but GEEZ THESE HUSBANDS(REAL MEN) MARRY, TRY TO RAISE A FAMILY CORRECT, AND IN SOME CASES (MINE FOR SURE) I THE HUSBAND WORK SO HARD TO EARN ENOUGH SO MY WIFE CAN LIVE THE LIFE SHE CHOOSES. I DIDN"T ASK FOR THIS PAIN (HEART BREAK) or want it. BUT IT IS REAL AND THE FEELING FOR MY BEST FRIEND SINCE I"M 20 YEARS OLD NOW 49 ARE GONE, and I want them back. I will never not love her she is the mother of my children. I want to love her again as the only love in my life.
What is selfish is the way this surgery screws up more relationships than lives it betters. When a man is attracted to a woman that is a good thing. How can you possibly fault an individual for being attracted to you. If he likes your breasts that is a great thing. The doctors tell you how out of proportion you are and they can reduce the size back to a more normal size. Let's step back a second and think about what is actually going on here. A strange individual takes a small sharp knife and cuts large pieces of breast tissue from those very glands that define you as a woman. He then pulls what is left back together staples it and stitches what he can back together to form some resemblance of a breast. In my wines case the nipples look like they were cut with a small cookie cutter, she is scarred from armpit to armpit, half of each breast has ended up as bags under each armpit and the doctor took well over two thirds of each breast. Now she looks normal I guess. Sure they are smaller but very ugly. I can only speak for myself but this surgery was a complete disaster for our marriage.
I realize that many women get reductions for medical reasons and that is understandable. Just saying that having empathy for husbands and boyfriends who find large breasts aestheticly pleasing should not be seen as completely unimportant. You mentioned that you don't understand finding large breasts attractive so I assume you have not empathy at all. But it is hard to experience the women love become suddenly different and less attractive even if you know it is to relieve her pain. I still believe breast reduction and height reduction are close aesthetic equivalents in a gender sense.
I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm still having difficulty looking at what she so proudly shows off. Irrespective of the medical benefits of reduced weight, I think a lot of it for my wife was "fixing" her aestetic and while she's happy with the results its still very difficult for me to process and look at. I liked the large breast when we first met and thought she looked great even after 3 kids and 14 yrs of marriage. I think sweetpea can talk a lot of platitudes and while its true that one needs to get used to it I'm concerned how long that will take. The hard part is trying to be supportive, while hiding how disturbing the the look and feel are.
How did these stories end? Did the husbands stop loving their wives?
I am not going to repeat a lot of what has been said already. To the women who say that men need to get over it, you are just as superficial as you accuse the men of being. This issue is complex and complicated and includes issues of how a man's brain is wired and also non physical things like making decisions together in a relationship.
For me, the one thing I will add is this:
I am one of the husbands who has been devistated by my wife’s selfish decision to get the reduction.
After much arguing with her over this (most arguments sounding a lot like this forum) I’ve boiled it down to this.
- 10% of my feelings are purely selfish. I want what I want and don't want to have to like what happened.
- 40% of my feelings are hard wired. Even when I try my best to be supportive, I can’t. You can't turn attraction on and off and as someone who has always loved large breasts this kills the intimacy at a level I can not control.
- 50% is something which hasn’t been directly addressed which I will discuss.
In short, when my wife and I started dating we both shared with each other how important we felt sex to be in our lives. I was led to believe that my wife would prioritize our sex life.
Over the years there have been numerous instances where my wife approached one of the aspects of our sex life in a way that suggested that although sex was important, it wasn’t THAT important. Despite it being important to me, it wasn’t important to her.
In most instances I learned to love and tolerate even where those issues arose which resulted in aspects of our sex life that I didn’t like.
The reduction was just simply one more example of this message. And so I cannot help thinking that if the sex life was thriving and my wife did this, I might be more willing or able to look past things. But since this is yet another instance of her telling me that what matters to me isn’t important, it goes beyond the physical realm.
I absolutely know how u feeling. My wife had breast surgery 2 years ago. Well it was her decision because after she gave birth she started to hate her body, especially breasts. I could not understand what was wrong with it, i still loved her and her boobies as well. But when i saw her unhappy face i decided to support her in her decision even when i was hoping inside she will change her mind. But she did not. I did travel with her long journey to Prague as a cheaper option. I even attended with her consultation at Forme clinic and then i saw her happy face after the surgery. Well i was happy for her and love her even with her new breasts. To be hones her breasts look so good:-) It took time but i got through it.
This has been an interesting read for me. I am going for a reduction in 10 days. I have been large chested my whole life and have dealt with daily headaches, back pain and over the last year intense shoulder pain. Before having a child I was a DD and after having a child I am an H. Over the past year I have lost 30 pounds in preparation and feel amazing and sexy other than my breast size. My husband and I have been together for 20 years and he has always admitted he preferred large breasts. While he has been supportive of my surgery, I am also fully aware that he is going to struggle with the change. All that said, I am proceeding. We have had our ups and downs, as relationships do and frankly our sex life hasn't been great over the last year. Which is weird to me because I feel great and want to have sex all the time but he isn't so into it - so that makes me feel bad about myself again. It is like a vicious circle So basically my thoughts are that I need to feel good and happy about me or I can't be good in a relationship. It we can't find a way through this together then that is okay. We love and respect each other and will continue to do so even if we are no longer married. But it comes down to me needing to be happy in my own head and him being happy in his. If you are unhappy you need to move on.