My wife of 26 years, had very large breast in her mind in mine her body was perfect.. After about 16 years of marriage my wife told me she had discussed it with her sister and after they were done discussing it.. She
thought she was going to have a reduction done. After I let her know there was no way on God green earth this was not going to happen. Not because I rule the home with a iron fist, but this was the same woman who had told me we would grow old gracefully and not under the knife. My wife is 4 years older than me and 99% of people believe I'm 5+ years older than her. Now we know who's aging gracefully. My biggest problem at that time was it was discussed with her sister, not me. Move forward 10 years. My wife, our daughter 22, our son 19, and myself are sitting at a restaurant and I'm told along with our kids. She has good news, "she has decide she is going to get a breast reduction" I just froze . I 've been in therapy for over 10 + years. When my therapist asked if after 30 years of being together, I've told my wife how much I was against it and it bothered me, I could not believe how quick the word "NO" came out without even thinking about it. I replied "it wont matter" after hearing myself, I decide to bring it up. In her loudest voice she let me know "I knew you would make this all about you". I said no but can we talk about it, maybe come to a middle. "NO" she replied. I then said something that was not a threat but just a very sad feeling. "if we don't talk about this ,it could destroy our family & marriage". After healing time. We tried to be intimate twice, the first time I couldn't even look, nor receive pleasure, the second time wasn't much different. After 10 weeks of her recovery, it just didn't feel right any longer it was just quite. I told my wife I was going to move out. Almost 7-8 months later we just keep growing apart. I have dreams of my family and want to go home. She is the only woman I ever wanted to spend my life with. Know I just want to love again and be loved in the way I feel loved. So ladies(wives) we know its your body and its your breast, but try to remember your our wife's(LIFE'S) and who knows why but we go through something very painful also our hearts breaking. Last thing enough with the red mark from the underwire or straps. My belt leaves the worst red mark that hurts and itches and my shoelaces when there too tight, but I've never considered cutting off my feet or waist down. You put the bra on, wear a looser one or none. The men are looking if you wear one or don't and 99% of the time we're always saying looking good....Last and most important God forbid should any of you ever get breast cancer the husband who loves you, will be dragging you to the hospital to have them removed. We know how much we need you. We just want to feel needed and have our feelings count also.
Rose if there is pain or any other medical condition and a husband doesn't understand the reason for getting it done when it is to take away pain or give you a healthier life. Is a man who fell in love with your boobs and not you. I realize this is not your story. My wife did speak of discomfort or pain every once in awhile, but I rarely ever seen or new that she would take a over the counter pain med and never anything stronger. So how bad was the pain?? I'm guessing and in no way standing in judgment, if anything I
hope when you were in pain there was something you had that would help you. There are no awards for living in pain. My wife about 6 years ago had a skin cancer not diagnosed correctly on her chin for 3 years until she changed doctors. By the grace of God it did not go into her bone. They only had to remove her chin under her bottom lip from right to left, but the chin bone stayed. I walked into the room where she was sitting up and ask me how she looked as there are no mirrors in the room. With my eyes filled with tears that were now rolling down my face, she asked "how do I look"? My mouth open and the words BEAUTIFUL came out he did such a great job. My brain was in high crazy gear crying harder than it ever has asking God "WHERE IS MY WIFES CHIN" AS THERE WAS NOTHING BUT A GAPPING HOLE WHERE HERE CHIN ONCE WAS. My wife had a large scar that was in a football shape. When she asked this time " How do I look during this time " I replied the truth "AS BEAUTIFUL AS EVER" So when its about health there is doubt thing need to be done. But when its really not(not that the marks aren't there and the straps are leaving marks) but GEEZ THESE HUSBANDS(REAL MEN) MARRY, TRY TO RAISE A FAMILY CORRECT, AND IN SOME CASES (MINE FOR SURE) I THE HUSBAND WORK SO HARD TO EARN ENOUGH SO MY WIFE CAN LIVE THE LIFE SHE CHOOSES. I DIDN"T ASK FOR THIS PAIN (HEART BREAK) or want it. BUT IT IS REAL AND THE FEELING FOR MY BEST FRIEND SINCE I"M 20 YEARS OLD NOW 49 ARE GONE, and I want them back. I will never not love her she is the mother of my children. I want to love her again as the only love in my life.
I know this pain your are experiencing. My husband of 28 yrs has been messed up for the past 12 yrs since I had my breast reduction... It has ruined my marriage. I had neck and shoulder pain and my husband WAS supportive about the surgery. We discussed it, watched a video of the surgery together etc. what came after was so unexpected . My husband cried for months, tried antidepressant mess and we did grow apart. I acknowledged his feeling,tried to reassure that surgery takes time to heal and settle down. My husband started having erectile problems and things continued to get worse. I do understand he may be grieving and it is a body image change. I guess after dealing with such strong emotions for months I just wanted to move on with my life, but he couldn't. He was stuck in this rut"your not the same person". Difficult to deal with these emotions for past 12 yrs and yes it has ruined us.. It took a few years after surgery for things to sexually be better but we're not the same couple anymore. My breasts are back to the same size when I meet my husband now(grew larger after each child).he can't get passed it!
Thank you for posting this. I have had the similar experience. 7 years later I am still so sad. She had the operation despite my expressed wishes, and after I could feel nothing but disgust.
I tried and I tried, but I could not get the feeling back. She broke up because my lack of interest.
I am so sad still. I am so f'n sad. I feel you man.
It's not like we can completely control sexual attraction. If w could, then we would decide to be excited about any kind of body whatsoever. Would make life easy. But as it is, if we are disgusted by, or stressed by the reduced breasts, then, in my experience, it is almost impossible to "wish it away and be happy".
Loving someone and feeling sexual attraction is not for men perfectly aligned. And its not because they don't wish it were.
Well I have been with the same partner for 11 years. She got the breast reduction early on in our relationship. Maybe after one year together. I still hold a lot of resentment, anger, frustration, betrayal, depression. I felt and still feel shallow for caring so much about her breasts but that is how I feel. I feel it is something a female will never fully understand. What if I decided to get a penis reduction? Would most woman be accepting of that? Highly unlikely. She had a wonderful pair of breasts and went from DD to B/C . I am partial to big **** but I love breast in all shapes and sizes, they were hers and it hurt a lot to see them go. I repressed it for a while but it just made it worse. I regret not speaking up more prior to her doing it. I feel if she were to consider doing it now I would put a up a huge battle. Also it was not for back issues, purely a confidence thing. Well I wish I was hung like a horse but I'm not going to get an operation! Just had to get that off my chest. Getting married in two months and I am still holding on to this ********. If anyone has any advice to finally put this **** behind me, please let me know.