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husband's blues after wife's breast reduction

I'm trying to be as supportive as I can with this, she's had the surgery, I told her before that she's doing this only for herself, not because I had any complaints about her breasts.  I like the new ones ok, but liked the old ones better.  I was suprised at the feelings I have of betrayal, neglect, almost grieving the loss of my favorite part of her body, feelings of depression.  The comments I read from women completely discount the feelings of the men.  I'm now having problems "finishing" the act of sex.  After she is satisfied I just loose interest, I want to finish in my mind but the feeling just isn't there.  I look over at her in normal situations and the fact that she is so much smaller bothers me.  It's been 5 weeks now, we'll keep trying, hoping these feelings go away.  When I ask if there is a support group for husbands of wives with breast reduction, I get told oh it's all about you then? No It's not all about me, but I do have feelings, and they are hurt, and there isn't anybody willing to talk to about them.
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Avatar universal
My beloved wife of 20 years just told me a couple weeks ago she wanted a reduction. I was shocked and didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything and listened. After a couple of days of soul searching I sat her down and explained my perspective.

First, I reminded her that she asked me out after we had met at a party. I really wasn't interested. She used her breasts to attract me and even went so far as to take her shirt off when we started making out a little. They were fabulous and in my testosterone laden youth they were plenty of incentive to seek a second date. Without her breasts I would never have pursued her or fallen in love with her because quite frankly she wasn't my type. She was and still is pretty chubby.

I told her no matter what she does, I will always love her. After 20 years I still lust after her as well. I cannot guarantee that will continue to be the case if she gets a reduction though. The hard truth is she will then be chubby with small or medium boobs in proportion to her body. I am a passionate man and I will not live a passionless life. The implication is clear and the decision is hers. She said she was shocked, upset and flattered all at the same time. I did tell her that I know I should do a better job romancing her to show her how wonderful she is. She doesn't need an esteem boost from smaller boobs. She needs a daily reminder from me.
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She deserves so much better than you
Avatar universal
I feel all the confusion here by the men. Breasts are wonderful. It's some sick game that society plays when you strive for perfection. But if you have a man who truly loves you why change??

As for me. I had a reduction. I hate it. I'm not me anymore. I'm anyone. I'm not special. I wish I'd never done it   I am looking to get implants to take me back. Any women. Is it a reduction you want or an uplift. Be clear.
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Thank you for sharing and for your honesty. You had your best intentions with your procedure. Hopefully in time it gets better for you. Thank you again for sharing-
Avatar universal
I'm very surprised this is the best conversation across the internet so this is my story for the past couple months my wife has been hinting she was going through with this procedure and for the longest i was very supportive and the night before the operation we tried having sex but i really wasn't into it and we both went to bed upset at each other she said it would change her life for the better then the day came i had high hopes that things would come out great until i seen her after the operation i was extremely let down from what was said during the pre op she would go from a g cup down to maybe a solid d cup but she looked more like a average c cup on the way home my disappointment and anger got the better of me and i said some very hurtful things and after she had enough she said some back it took me to call a family crisis line to get advise on how to handle the situation they said the same thing many of the female commenters said "she is the one going through the surgery""it's her life"and etc but the only thing that really hurts my feeling that i thought that we are a team and we should think together instead of apart later that night i reassured her that i wasn't going anywhere but i still fall in with some of the guys i have always been attracted to my wife other than her physical appearance she is loving and trusting and we have been through a lot more together than any other women i have ever been in a serious relationship with but i always enjoyed her being a plus sized girl and that was one of the great physical attributes my wife had c cup sized breast look great on a female of a certain body sized but if you put them on a larger size girl it just doesn't look natural at all i understand the women side of the story with the health benefits but i understand the guys side of maybe getting some reassurance than the procedure won't go horrible wrong she is left with nothing but in the end what is done is done i can't cry over her decision when i have my own life to live that's something she has to live with i don't have to like the final result but i have to accept it because she is my wife and thats who i vowed to honor and cherish just like she is going to honor and cherish me  and as far as the other commenters now matter if it's been 1 day or 8 years ago that you and your spouse had this procedure done don't let something special slip away over something like this just remember the good times and the bad and the reasons on why you two decided to get married or get involved into a serious relationship in the first place it's not the men fault that they have feeling's or emotion's and it's not the women fault that they have health concern's with having large breast WE ARE ALL HUMAN and all of us are very unique and in a relationship we need to work with, respect, and understand each others needs and feeling to have a healthy relationship p.s. I HATE C-CUPS!!!
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Avatar universal
8  years later and I have never gotten used to my wife's changed body.    I never will and no amount of counseling  will change.  I've tried.  We're still married but sex life is non existent.   I don't dare say anything or I'm a selfish *******.   I just suffer in silence and accept the fact that my sex life is basically over.   I'm committed to being faithful.  The anger is there and it manifests itself in depression but there is nothing I can do to change  my wife's body back or erase the image of what was lost to me physically.  Sad but true.  There are many aspects about my spouse I love.  I pleaded with her to reconsider before going ahead with the surgery but was basically told to get over it.   If I could have even had some say as to the extend of the reduction I may have felt different, but it basically came down to the surgeon and my wife making the decision and I had no input.  

I dare not say anything or I am a bad person.   So, I'm sorry ladies who feel we are selfish bastards, but  I've tried to adjust.   Most men are just wired to the visual appearance of a woman.  It has been proven over and over that sex is very much about the visual and tactile experience for men.  What are we supposed to do?  Deny our hormones?   If a women is suffering PMS due to hormonal changes, it is accetable.   If a man has inabillity to adapt due to physical changes in a women we are just awful people.  Frankly, I give up.
Helpful - 1
2 Comments
Your excuses are garbage. That's all they are too. Men aren't wired for anything. It's entitlement to a woman's body. If you decided to get a **** reduction or extensions, hair implants, dental work to make yourself better ESPECIALLY  for your health I am sure your wife would be right there beside you supporting you. Not whining.
Do better
Women (God love em) simply can't and don't know exactly just HOW harDD-wireDD we are. Esp when blessed with being w/a busty wife and then having it removed from us. It's not your fault; but please don't insist that were all lying when we say we ARE harDD-wireDD for this. It's how we're made and both Darwinists and Christians understand that it is to ensure procreation. Please believe us. There's simply no way to prove it other than forums like this one.
Avatar universal
Like already stated "I was surprised at the feelings I have of betrayal, neglect, almost grieving the loss of my favorite part of her body, feelings of depression." My wife had a reduction 13 months ago. I have tried to get used to her new much reduced shape and it is not going well. I find it difficult to look at her scarred breasts. She says what if I had cancer? I say that is different, you underwent a voluntary procedure because you didn't like the way people looked at you. We get nowhere. I more or less can force myself to be with her, but if I think too much while being together I cannot maintain an erection. If I was not in my 60's I would move on, but I don’t relish the thought of "dating." I love her for many reasons, but don't find her sexually attractive. So where does that leave us? In some sort of limbo, a plutonic type relationship without desire that make me nauseous when I think about it. I lusted for my wife for many years, now I have difficulty looking at her.
Helpful - 1
2 Comments
Finally. It's been so hard to find anyone speaking up like this. I feel the same. Life is really horrible in the intimacy department. I've looked to engage myself in other passions but its weird to even get in bed with my wife now. Feel like we're just roommates. I'm really torn up about this and its not getting better. Thank you again for speaking out.
I feel like I'm sleeping w/a guy.
Avatar universal
Well I have been with the same partner for 11 years.  She got the breast reduction early on in our relationship.  Maybe after one year together.  I still hold a lot of resentment, anger, frustration, betrayal, depression. I felt and still feel shallow for caring so much about her breasts but that is how I feel. I feel it is something a female will never fully understand.  What if I decided to get a penis reduction?  Would most woman be accepting of that?  Highly unlikely. She had a wonderful pair of breasts and went from DD to B/C . I am partial to big **** but I love breast in all shapes and sizes, they were hers and it hurt a lot to see them go.  I repressed it for a while but it just made it worse.  I regret not speaking up more prior to her doing it.  I feel if she were to consider doing it now I would put a up a huge battle.  Also it was not for back issues, purely a confidence thing.  Well I wish I was hung like a horse but I'm not going to get an operation!  Just had to get that off my chest.  Getting married in two months and I am still holding on to this ********.  If anyone has any advice to finally put this **** behind me, please let me know.

Thanks

Al
Helpful - 1
2 Comments
I spoke up a lot before my wife's procedure but of course any comment made that wasn't 100% supportive meant I was being an insensitive jerk that only cared for her breasts. I now have complete sexual shutdown and am madly depressed over this. She wasn't in all that much pain but wanted to fit into more dressess. She understood somewhat but did it anyways. Knowing she likes tall men (I'm 6'3")--I told her what if I came home one day and I was 5'3". She got that analogy but continued anyways. I love her but I'm completely torn up inside.
Partner? Hmmm what does that mean? I assume its some type of liberal Millennialism. Ok sarcasm aside you mean un-married yet you say you have dealt with this 11 years? May I ask why? If you were unmarried for 11 years why would you stay in it? Or do you actually mean married and that somehow after one measly year, 365 days you didn't know she wanted this procedure? I was like a ton of bricks? If it were a ton of bricks still it was only 365 days in, I assume no kids? Wait a minute were back to you possibly being a millennial which means yes you probably had a kid because usually it goes like this, meet girl, have kid, buy a house then lastly maybe 10-20 years later then get married lol. In other words I assume normalcy how stupid of me because I'm trying to figure out why a guy just dating sticks around for 11 years with a woman who cut off his most precious funbags then hangs around
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