husband's blues after wife's breast reduction

[concernedhusband4203]

I'm trying to be as supportive as I can with this, she's had the surgery, I told her before that she's doing this only for herself, not because I had any complaints about her breasts.  I like the new ones ok, but liked the old ones better.  I was suprised at the feelings I have of betrayal, neglect, almost grieving the loss of my favorite part of her body, feelings of depression.  The comments I read from women completely discount the feelings of the men.  I'm now having problems "finishing" the act of sex.  After she is satisfied I just loose interest, I want to finish in my mind but the feeling just isn't there.  I look over at her in normal situations and the fact that she is so much smaller bothers me.  It's been 5 weeks now, we'll keep trying, hoping these feelings go away.  When I ask if there is a support group for husbands of wives with breast reduction, I get told oh it's all about you then? No It's not all about me, but I do have feelings, and they are hurt, and there isn't anybody willing to talk to about them.

[Quandry92]

How did these stories end? Did the husbands stop loving their wives?

[Steve1steve]

I absolutely know how u feeling. My wife had breast surgery 2 years ago. Well it was her decision because after she gave birth she started to hate her body, especially breasts. I could not understand what was wrong with it, i still loved her and her boobies as well. But when i saw her unhappy face i decided to support her in her decision even when i was hoping inside she will change her mind. But she did not. I did travel with her long journey to Prague as a cheaper option. I even attended with her consultation at Forme clinic and then i saw her happy face after the surgery. Well i was happy for her and love her even with her new breasts. To be hones her breasts look so good:-) It took time but i got through it.  

[Happinessiseverything]

This has been an interesting read for me.  I am going for a reduction in 10 days. I have been large chested my whole life and have dealt with daily headaches, back pain and over the last year intense shoulder pain.  Before having a child I was a DD and after having a child I am an H. Over the past year I have lost 30 pounds in preparation and feel amazing and sexy other than my breast size. My husband and I have been together for 20 years and he has always admitted he preferred large breasts.  While he has been supportive of my surgery, I am also fully aware that he is going to struggle with the change. All that said, I am proceeding. We have had our ups and downs, as relationships do and frankly our sex life hasn't been great over the last year. Which is weird to me because I feel great and want to have sex all the time but he isn't so into it - so that makes me feel bad about myself again. It is like a vicious circle   So basically my thoughts are that I need to feel good and happy about me or I can't be good in a relationship. It we can't find a way through this together then that is okay. We love and respect each other and will continue to do so even if we are no longer married. But it comes down to me needing to be happy in my own head and him being happy in his.  If you are unhappy you need to move on.

[Goforitddd]

All I wanted was input on the reduction, my wife went from a 36GG to a 34 B.  I had no input.  The result,  I was horrified.  I would have been happy with a 50% reduction. Now they look horrible, scarred, and like a flat chested woman.  I could not live with the new look, SOC moved on to much larger breasts.  Always been a big boob man.  I don’t care what’s you think.  But if you want to lose a man, cut your ****

[BiancaCH]

Go for it, Happiness! Men like Goforitddd are absolutely, utterly worthless and obsolete compared to the freedom and pain free life of reduced breasts!!! You’ll love your new life!!

[Everynameiputwastaken]

I share my sadnesson with you. My wife has 3 sinters who were advised to remove their breaststroke as cancer risks run through the family at high risk. So theyou did. And went well. They had the reconstruction and  are happy. Now unfortunately it came the time to my wife. It was 1 year and a half talking and deciding with doctor what is the best to do. When she decided I just went along. I love her and said whatever you decide I am at your side. We planned. Her surgery was 4 days ago. She had mastectomy followed by reconstruction of both breasts. The problem that she , not sure if was the amount of drugs used or what, but she is totally lout of herself and straightway wanted them removed. It s a shock to say the least. I said you should come home and wait around a month or so. Nurses told me it s been a success the surgery. I just think was not prepared to questions like Will I repulse you if....reckon after any surgery we get anxious but she is totally crasy. Doctors come to explain simple things like they have to dislocate the jaw to pass the tubes and after she is desperate saying I have a proven in my jaw and so on. After almost two years of planning, stUddingston the ins and outs I really don't understand. I live in England and all my family lives in Brazil. It s very complicated. I feel for her.  Praying that she gives a chance. Think about possible traumas she might have in the future. She is just 35. What every is the outcome I  will be here. Our life is already really difficult having an autistic kid that demands 24 hours supervision. Thanks for reading. God bless you all.

[Bogganc1]

My wife had breast reduction surgery 4 years ago. Her 34 H boobs were a get off for both of us. She lost all sensitivity in both nipples and doesn't want me to touch them. And yes , she still has the same back issues as before the surgery. We are both suffering. We quit having sex. She wished she had not let her normal breastfed friends talk her into it. We are not doing very good and talking separation.

[evernote]

My wife had a breast reduction surgery for pain in her spine which unfortunately did not go away. She had a few complications involving clotting so now her reduced breasts are uneven and we are facing possible corrective surgery that is not going to be covered.  I expressed my view to her prior that I did not want her to do it but could sense that she was going to do it no matter what I was going to say so I just remained supportive.

The comments I've read on this board are the most realistic to what I've experienced in person. The men I meet privately are as devastated as I am and all speak of a surreal sense of loss. It's as though in one instant the intimacy or part of it just vanished. I don't like feeling this way but it's there. I miss having sex and I feel horrible about leering at women with big breasts. I feel like less of a person because I can't just man up and not feel this way.