You are in my prayers. God is with ya and I believe already that he will open doors for you. Stay strong and remember to call on him in your darkest hour.
Also anytime you need to vent you can message me. My mom is difficult too, and I don't know what I would do if I had to live with her again. Still they are our moms so we love them.
May god be with you,
I pray that you get all the courage and support possible. Never think you are weak. Be strong and have the will of fire. I am sure you will make it out with your head high. I got a little poem for you.. its from William Ernest Henley.
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
So be the captain of your soul and you will conquer every fear and obstacle.
All my support is with your mum and you.
Thank you Seekingalastanswer for your prayer and poem.
When I was much younger I was very courageous, done things most people wouldn't in trying to make a life for myself. I thought through the blood, sweat and tears - sacrifices - it was all worth it... Was it? I am back at the beginning, worse than the beginning due to physical damage and not having time on my side. My soul cries not just for the physical damage done to me, but for the immediate family that due to weakness succumbed to addictions and made - make - things a living hell. Stabbed in the back by my own little sister who I cared so much for. Being physically threatened by her boyfriend, my brother's wife.Those things hurt like nothing else. Traitors in your own family when you need their support because after all the years of working so hard and putting others before you, you need that close supportive family. Those of you with close family, it may not always be roses but oh you are so fortunate.
I phoned a helpline once they told me they behave so ugly because of their addictions. It's not really them anymore. I try to keep this in mind. However I cannot fathom why they went down that road - their lives weren't even as hard as mine was - and is.
i have found joniandfriends(dot)org very helpful and hope you can too...
we are very alone and in pain...