Coming to grips

[PHXhopeful]

I saw my RE today. On Friday, I learned I had failed the clomid challenge with fsh levels 17 and 36. He did an ultrasound today only because I demanded one. It showed a few little eggs on each ovary and one larger one (but not large enough). ApparentlyI didn't respond to clomid. He canceled the IUI and doesn't recommend IVF unless it's with a donor egg. We're going to try one more test and that's loading me up with all the heavy meds he'd do for IVF and if I don't get stimulated, we'll know. If I do, then we'll see whether to do IVF with my own eggs. He said not to expect a good outcome. Basically, this test if for my own closure. So now I'm trying to come to grips that I may not ever have my own child. At the same time, I'm trying to wrap my head around DE. And yet I still hold out some hope that I will get pregnant on my own. This is such an emotional roller coaster. is anyone considering DE? And if so, how are you coming to grips with the idea?

[trh0819]

Sorry for all you are experiencing but I wanted to share my story briefly. I, too, was not responding to Clomid and IUI, unless you count the massive cysts the Clomid caused during my cycles, but other than that, I was producing very little that gave us any reason to think it was going to work. My RE actually encouraged us to got the IVF route with ICSI and we did. First round we retrieved 10 eggs, 9 fertilized, 2 were transferred and we froze 5. I'm now almost 18 weeks pregnant. This spring I honestly didn't think it was ever going t happen, especially with my increasing age, but we took a leap of faith, literally put all of my eggs in one basket, and now we have a little one due in February.  Hope you find similar success soon.

[prevatt77]

My FSH was 16 when I conceived Gavin and I was 41.  I would try another doctor.  I had 5 miscarriages prior to Gavin, but he is now 21 months and very healthy.

[PHXhopeful]

OMG what a roller coaster this whole experience is! It's crazy. I've decided to try with my own eggs for as long as I can. Even if I have a 5 percent chance, that's a five percent chance every month. I'll wrap my head around DE later.  

I hadn't heard about CSI. I'll ask my RE about it after this next test.  Thanks for the thoughts on DE. And congratulations adgal! That's awesome. Can you share your story and stats? I'm always so happy to hear when it works for someone after they've struggled. It gives me hope. Thanks!

[jakl726]

icsi is Intra Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection -  Injecting a single sperm into an egg (essentially forcing a sperm into the egg) so you are leaving anything up to chances like iui where they just inject sperms into your uterus and hope that one of those sperms will fertilize.

de is a wonderful alternative to women who still wants to experience pgnancy and motherhood.  but de will also be there even after you've completely exhausted your ovaries ... no rush to decide now.  if you want your own 'genetically-related' baby, give yourself all the help and resources you can.  don't discount yourself yet UNLESS you do not want to go through the rollercoaster of ivf.... and i don't blame you.

good luck :))

[adgal]

After several miscarriages I was seriously looking into DE.  THe only reason I didn't move forward with it is we have some strange laws with regards to it in Canada, and it's not as easy as in the US.  I wound up pregnant with my now 7 month old son, so stopped exploring it. I have a few friends on MedHelp who have done it successfully and are very happy however.  Here is the way I look at it, and how I have had those that have done it explain it.

You carry the baby...exactly the same amount of time you would carry one naturally conceived, or conceived throught IVF with your own eggs.  It is your child. 100%.  Every single one of them tells me they have never given it a second thought that the egg was a donor egg.  They carried the baby, went through labor and delivery, nursed, etc.  It is their child.  

I now want to have a second child.  I can tell you that if it was as easy here as the US, I would do it in a heartbeat.  No question.

[PHXhopeful]

I had three eggs on each ovary. They were too small to do anything with. The one that may have a shot during ovulation is the bigger one. We're going to try like hell to get that little egg fertilized the natural way. I had a m/c in Feb. and with what the RE is telling me, I'm worried this egg won't be good quality since it's so small. Thanks for the suggestion on the ttc at 40 community. I'm definitely going to check it out. btw, what is icsi?

[beanie485]

I have had to consider DE before and when we were the way I looked at was that it would be alright for me I would still be able to carry the baby and go through all the wonderful symptoms including morning sickness and feel the little bundle of joy kick me from the inside playing soccer with my kidney or bladder. Then I would be the one to deliver it and take care of it when it was sick and play with it when it was happy so my point is that in the end no matter what the babys origins it would still be my child with my love blood is not the most important thing many adopted children and adoptive families will tell you that it's the love for each other that you share that makes you family so in essence yes it would be your baby your very own
I wish you luck and prayers please let me know how are

[jakl726]

ps.  you only need one golden follicle/egg to produce a baby successfully.  so your one large one can still be stimulated with ivf meds.  also, fsh fluctuates month to month and there are women who still get pregnant even on high fsh... it takes time and maybe it is b/c all you need is one.  what you need to get yourself on is get yourself healthy and get all the ART help you can get (sometimes including a good doctor :))) who wouldn't give up on you).

[jakl726]

hi- i'm sorry about your clomid results.  a 'few' little eggs is still your own eggs.  how many is 'few'?  there are some women in this forum that have 4 eggs after ivf and still have their eggs fertilized and transferred back.  don't loose hope.  some ivf clinics/doctors have a more stringent criteria for proceeding with ivf or other ART procedure.  hopefully some of these women i'm talking about will chime in... otherwise just read some of the post and you'll come across them.  try to also join the ttc at 40 community even if you are 40 yet but you'll see similar situations there and successes.  
also, i think ivf with icsi is the way to go especially if money is not an issue instead of iui.  ivf with icsi will guarantee that both your eggs and your husband's sperm will meet.
good luck.