Shettle's Method Failed on me.

[Gili]

Ever felt down when you find out second baby is the same gender as the first?  First of all, I used Shettle's method to try for a boy after 1st healthy daughter.  The timing was literally within 12 hours before I ovulated.  Just had 18 weeks ultrasound.  Sonographer said 98% sure it's a girl even though I thought I saw a boy part on the screen, but a second look after the baby flipped looked like the boy part was gone.  Could have been the cord that was right in front of the girl part.  Secondly, I'm not that young anymore.  I dont' want to have more than 2 kids.  Now that second is a girl, I feel incomplete as I kept dreaming of having the second the opposite gender.  I know the baby is healthy and that's what matters most.  But, I can't get over my depression that's doesn't seem to go away.  Everytime I replay the sonographer's announcement of the baby's gender, that voice just stab me.  Anyway, I had an emotional breakdown in front of my OB as well.  Just can't control my prego hormone.

Anyone have had 2 girls and feeling that you want to go for a third?  I had that thought, but fear that it'll be another girl and I would go through worse depression.  Besides, who knows if a third try will be a boy?  Furthermore, I feel that keep having girls could be a problem of my hubby and my mix of conditions.  My hubby is always hot.  He always have to stop in the middle to turn on the fan or AC.  he might have killed all the boy sperms even with boxers on.  I never come during intercourse.  So having that said, I think I'm tied to girls only which makes me feel incomplete.  Thanks for reading.  Just want to get it out.

[adgal]

I am sorry you are feeling so down.  But I guess this is a bit tough for me to understand as I would give just about anything to have 1 healthy baby, boy or girl.  I am not judging you, but I hope you focus on how fortunate you are to have a healthy baby on the way, and wish you luck in your pregnancy.

[Gili]

Yes, I keep telling myself that it's nice that I can have kids.  My aunt is 70 now and never could conceive.  When my uncle passed away, she blamed herself for making his life incomplete without branching for him.  So when I look at her, I definitely feel I shouldn't be unhappy.  It's easier said than done.  I just can't get over my depression.  Maybe it's because I'm pregnant and hormone is out of control.  But, I wasn't depressed at all when I had my first daughter.  I guess it's the idea of being a mom of only girls that I can't get over.

[melimeli]

I know exactly what you mean I have two girls... and I was so so sure this was a boy that when I found out I am pg with my third girl it was almost like a death of this boy I was so sure I was pg with...  I have been in for 3 u/s since gender has been known and each time I ask is it still a girl?  The last one the tech even wrote on it "still a girl" haha... it is hard because I want a boy so bad...  but it is better now I am 28w and excited... will I have another one?  I want to right away to try... but dh wants to wait a couple of years.. I will be 35 when I deliver and heck I don't want to wait too long... hopefully by the time I am 37... if it is another girl... I will just give up....  good luck.. you will love her when you see her..

[lynda544]

I can totally relate to your feelings. My husband was married previously- I have three stepson's. I've been pregnant twice now and both times I was heartbroken when I found out they were boys. I know and knew at the time I should be thankful for any baby. I was, but it did not help the empty feeling go away. I Love both my boys and would not trade a single think about them but I did go through a very depressed part of my pregnancy because of my longing for a girl. Fast forward seven years- my husband and I decided to try again. I was sure I would be fine with a boy or a girl. We did IVF and actually spin the sperm for a increased chance for a girl. The old feelings of longing for a girl returned. At 13 weeks my MD thinks it's a girl but we won't know for sure till the next ultrasound. I know I am truly blessed to have 2 healthy, wonderful children. Don't feel guilty about something you cannot control. You will love your baby no matter what the sex is.

[jifnif]

I don't know exactly how you feel, I have lost 3 pregnancies and can honestly say "please God just give me a happy healthy baby".  But I do have a friend...this is a true story:  She was prego w/  a lil girl, while pregnant the daddy died.  That was 8 years ago.  She since had remarried and just had another lil girl w/ the new hubby.  This lil girl is 18mths old.  She was kinda bummed but they had a 2% chance of even getting prego.  Weird enough, she fell pregnant again....while pregnant (she still is/due in May) this baby's daddy died in December.  She is going to have a girl.  She has really hoped for a boy b/c of the father's death.  Could you even imagine?!!!!!  Now she is just happy to have all of her lil girls with her.  Please try to see past what you don't have and focus on what you do have.  :)  

[vsentz]

well, I certainly DO NOT relate at all with your feelings, and I am sure some girls here that have had gone thru painful losses and painful infertility feel the same way as me. I just prayed days and nights for a healthy pregnancy.... no matter what... it didn't even matter to me if my baby had a condition or not! I just wanted to be so blessed with a little one in my womb... i wanted so badly to feel a baby kick my belly.... i wanted to be a mommy SOOOO BAD! that it really didn't matter, in fact, the one time i 'kinda' wished she was a girl... i asked for forgiveness to my God because i was acting SO damn selfish!
Now, i am blessed, i am pregnant due in May, i am finally a MOTHER and love my child OVER ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING.... i would die or kill for my child... this is my miracle... and i have never been more blessed and happier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, no, i don't relate to your feelings, nor i hope i will some day, why? because i've struggled, i've felt the pain of a loss, i've seen myself cornered wearing million tears in my face with a negative pregnancy test in my hands....
I would have given anything to be in your shoes... i cannot imagine feeling sad when i am so lucky and blessed. I feel so sorry for you, and that you're feeling this way instead of having the time of your life and enjoying every bit of your pregnancy...... it has to be devastating.....

I guess if you don't want her, you could give her for adoption??? there's million families that long for at least one baby.... and she, i am sure, will be loved no matter what....
I guess the other one, would be to adopt a little boy??? and there's no way to fail on that one..

oh, and FYI.... no, your husbands boxers didn't kill your boys...... hehehe.... it's just a matter of luck... 50%-50%... and fate...
so no, 'the problem' as you called it, (which i don't see a problem there, a problem would be an illness or a death threat...., not a gender for X sakes!) is not your hubby's underwear....

Good luck, and I wish the best for that little girl in your womb.

[40smama]

I'm with V - I'm having a hard time relating but, I'm so weird - I have three girls already & now am pregnant w/a boy but secretly sort-of wanted another girl!  But after going through all of the ttc we endured, I realized in about 2.2 seconds to be extremely thankful for the healthy baby I'm so blessed to be carrying.

What about counseling?  I would suggest that if your feelings remain so they won't interfere w/your relationship w/your new baby.  

[nursekim]

I used the same method this time around also....except we were hoping for a girl, as we already have a 6 year old little boy.  I can totally understand how you feel, I am still very upset/disappointed about it and if it is brought up I get very tearful about the whole situation.  Look at it this way.....you have your girls. Girls always stay close to mama. Boys are adorable when they are small and you always love them, but they "leave" for their wives.  I am really battling that idea now.....I have no little girl to be my "forever best friend"  I think we will try again, but I am like you.....It will probably be a little boy again.

[rukiyar]

I have 6 kids and the first four where girls, and even thought I would have liked to have a boy I was still thrilled to have my girls, finally my fifth viable pregnancy it was a boy and the next one after that was a boy too, so now I have my two sons and guess what I am currently pregnant 22weeks with you guessed it another girl and I am real excited my youngest dd will be 7 yrs before Myah comes and my yougest the two boys will be 4yrs and 2yrs. But to me Healthy after suffering two devestaing m/c is all that matters when you see her it wont matter either too you I guarentee she will melt your heart just the same congrats and god bless

[lhughes]

Well, I'll have to toss in my 2 cents.  I was SURE Lauren (our second girl) was going to be a boy.  So sure I had them check each time we had an ultrasound.  We wanted a boy badly.  I was a tad disappointed, mostly because I knew she was going to be the last baby we could have.  And mostly the disappointment was because we had a COOL boy name "Nathan Jackson" after my dad and dh's granddad.  And didn't even have more than a first name for a girl.

Well, we batted around girl names for forever, nothing seemed to really get us excited, before coming to the weirdest conclusion.  And it was just before my dad passed away....  Lauren ???? became Lauren Jackson and it sounded so good, it stuck.  So in honor of my dad, Ray Jackson Belcher (yes, I got a lot of ribbing for that last name in school), our little girl carries the name we would have given to the little boy we wanted.

She might forever wonder about the sanity of her parents (what child doesn't), but we all liked the name. Little Lauren Jackson has been the best thing there ever was.

And to top it off, God knew better.  Having to have her early because of the need to continue my chemo, we didn't need to worry about her lung development (like a little boy).  So, all in all, she came out just the way she should.

[pcarsey]

With this one.. everyone in my family wanted a girl except me, I didn't care as long as it was healthy! Well I'm having a boy and although my DH, DD and DS said "dang it", they have gotten used to the idea and all are just fine and excited with it now. It could be your hormones, hopefully you will get used to the idea and things will settle in and you will enjoy some part of being pregnant. I will add, I have a daughter and a son, and my daughter always wanted a sister. She loves her brother, but there is something that 2 sisters have that a brother and sister never will and vice versa... Give it some time. Good Luck

[1nana]

A little disappointment I can understand, but depression? That's going overboard. Focus on the fact that she is healthy. That should be first and foremost.

[AshleysMom]

I'm sorry, but I have had so much grief (10 mcs) in the past three years that the gender would be the last thing on my mind.  I'm happy that I'm having a boy (almost 29w) especially since I have a girl, but all I wanted was a healthy baby.  

That said, I think DH would have been a bit disapointed if it were another girl...

[azqtpies]

I am having my third boy!  my one daughter is grown and my son, now have my 9 yr son at home and my 4th child my lil boy on the way shortly, I have found  you adpat and love them no matter what I think we are all convinced early on what we think it is, and then nope its not! with a lil time we all absorb and are just estatic... as i am sure you will too! I love my girl, but whew... I would take 10 boys before 10 girls anyday!...lol Good luck  to you for a healthy baby.

[kindergal]

It sounds as if you may in need of professional therapy.  Ask your OB for a referral.

[rene67]

I'm sorry that you are concerned about the gender, and feel incomplete because you wanted a different gender.  Maybe some counseling would be helpful.  But I'm with vsentz and many of the women here, I've had 3 miscarriages since 2006 and am concerned I may not have any children.  I would be so happy to have ONE healthy child.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but worrying because you wanted a different gender seems shallow.  Plus, there are benefits to having either one, even both of the same gender.

In 3rd world countries such as India and China, girl babies are routinely aborted because the parents want boys.  There are some historical reasons for preferring boys, but in our modern world, there is no good reason.  I am not saying you would ever consider aborting, however your thinking is in line with some in the 3rd world.

Also, there is no documented study that says timing intercourse gives you a different gender.  I have not heard of the Shettle's method but doubt it has been studied extensively.

[Gili]

I'm beginning to get uesd to the idea of all girls now.  Hubby told me it's a matter of talking to someone until I'm tired of it.  My brother has two boys and he joked about exchanging one with me since he and his wife wanted a girl so badly.  I wouldn't try my soon-to-be-borned girl for anything of course.  I feel guilty thinking about a friend that couldn't have kids, period.  But, it's almost a fact of life that people are bounded to be disappointed when they don't have want that they or what they have been expecting.  Anyway, I wouldn't have a family of four with a boy and a girl.  But, I still wouldn't trade for anything now that it's a reality.  At times, I still wonder if the sonographer is wrong.  The last sonographer was very experience and he was right on the dot.  This one seems less experience, but why should I doubt her accuracy?  I know it's just a subconscious desire for a boy after a girl.  It'll absolutely be irresponsible and heartless to abandon your own kids for anything else.  Yes, I'll love my second daughter.  I have been looking at those 3/D ultrasound printouts of her face every night before going to bed.  It helps me to accept her and feel blessed that the doctor said she's very healthy.

[stephie4]

Many go through what you are feeling. I had the opposite....  I have an 11 yr. old boy, and was wishing for, and basically had my mind set that i was having another boy....

Here's the thread:
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/show/394470?post_id=post_2316937

BTW, i'm 28 weeks, with a girl.  

[Peaglenut]

This may sound harsh but are you just a little bit mad??  I've just lost a baby. Be grateful your girls are alive and healthy or maybe you could just give the baby away seeing that just want the two and try your shettles again for a boy...........ridiculous woman!

[JeanneG]

I have a 3 year old daughter with a rare genetic disorder, global developmental delays, and significant medical problems (feeding tube).  Getting her diagnosis when she was 3 months old (we thought she was heathy at birth) was devastating.  18 months after her birth, we had a healthy baby boy.  I have to admit that after the relief of getting normal amnio results, I was disappointed he was a boy as I've always dreamed of having a typical daughter.  He is an absolute joy, such a blessing and great with his big sister.  I wouldn't trade him for the world.    

I would give everything I have for Olivia to be healthy, so count your blessings that you have a healthy child and a healthy baby on the way.

BTW, I just lost another baby at 7 weeks after seeing the heartbeat last  week.  I'm having a D&C on Monday morning.  It breaks my heart that this could have been the healthy baby girl I've always dreamed of...but, the experience also made me realize that I'm truly happy with my family as it is.  

Life isn't perfect.  Try and put your disappointment aside and enjoy your pregnancy.  It's such a special time.  

[saj39]

I am sory it didn't work, I too tried it and am on my 4th girl. I think we just we not meant to have a son. I love my girls though and I thank god everyday for my healthy girls. I just try to focus on that. I think in a way I was more disappointed for my husband, but the girls have him so wrapped it isn't funny!! Good Luck and enjoy being pregnant, Its a miracle from God.

[cpatow]

You can't choose what or who you get and to hope you can is only setting yourself up for disappointment. If we could we'd be playing "God". Be happy you are having a healthy child...you can spend even just two minutes reading the posts on this board to realize that!

[vsentz]

hehehehe ;)

well said!

[jbrooks39]

i feel the same way,i have 3 children,2 girls and a boy,we have been TTC for over a yr and i donr care what the sex is as long as its healthy.in fact,if we do get pregnant,we arent going to find out the sex,we want to be suprised.a baby is a blessing and sometimes karma is bad,i mean godferbid anything happening but if something happens to your little girl,you will feel guilty for the rest of your life.be happy,i have never heard of anyone upset about having the same gender in children,i know some say the wish they would have a boy/girl but to be depressed,c'mon.be blessed that you are even having a baby,some people are longing to have what you have.