TTC Apathy?

[BLS1971]

Hi ladies

I'm doing the TWW for cycle #3 of trying to conceive a second child and my level of concentration on this process has changed a lot this cycle. I got a copy of "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" and have been trying to look more for my body's signals than relying on the OPK sticks. I have been sick (a cold), then out of town (taking my 2-year-old to Orlando Sea World), then sick again (dang it - same dang cold came back), so I haven't been charting nearly as regularly as I should be. I only used a couple OPK sticks, sporadically, and I only managed to "try" once this month during what I believe was my window.

Here's the strange thing: I don't care that much. I'm tired of peeing on sticks and taking my temperature when I wake up in the morning. I'm tired of obsessing over every little ache and twinge, wondering if it's a good sign. I'm still wondering if I'm pregnant, but know I have less of a chance of conceiving this month than in the last 3...and I don't care that much.

Is that strange? I'm wondering if this has happened for anyone else.

Thanks,
Bonnie

[BLS1971]

Exactly! I'm vacilating--one day, I'm aching for a second child, and other days I say, "my one child is enough." I went off caffeine 3 months ago (and I hate it), but am still drinking (albeit less). I am back to wanting the days to fly by again, so I can make a baby. Then the TWW and all the obsessing will start again and I will be exhausted. Argh....  

Good luck! SSBD!
Bonnie

[melon3]

Hi there,
            I have just been reading all your comments and can totally relate to your stories. I am 37 years old and trying for my second baby. I have a daughter who is 2 years old and was conceived without any effort at all. I have also used those ovulation kits every month to no avail. I have even stopped drinking caffeine and limited my "glass of wine". ( I love a glass of wine!!), I have got to the stage where I am thinking I am sooo lucky to have my beautiful daughter, Sadie and should just let it go and see take the what will be will be attitude!!

[BLS1971]

Oh wow! I have been doing that asking questions that aren't really what I *really* want to know thing to my friend at work. Finally, she is pregnant and nearing the end of her first trimester, so whew. But those few people I've told about my own plans are doing that to me, too. I'm convinced these women must think I ovulate bi-weekly, given how often they ask me. I just never realized it was kind of insensitive before. Thank you for pointing that out.  =)

[kristine625]

Definitely, "letting go" can help make it happen.  Nicely put adgal.  I think it has to do with where your energies go.

It isn't that you really don't care.  But you are letting it to, if it happens it happens.  I think it lets your energies go elsewhere, and become much more productive.

rubyinparadise:   Yeah, I totally hate the "trying to conceive" thing too.

Almost immediately after my first pregnancy I really really really regreted telling people.  Of course that was the first of now four mc's (I had no way of knowing it would develop into that).  It INSTANTLY turned into the only thing that people would contact me about.

Question:  How's it going?
My Answer:  Fine, I bought a really pretty sweater the other day.... oh I'm sorry I didn't understand that you meant "are you pregnant yet?"

Question:  Do you have any news?
My Answer:  Yes!  My husband and I are putting a deck on the backyard, we are soooo excited.... oh I'm sorry I didn't understand that you meant "are you pregnant yet?"

And this is one of my personal favorites right now:
Question:  How are you?  But they really drag it all out, so it's more like, "Hoooow aaaare yooooooooouuuuuuuuu?"
We obviously know what they are really asking here :)

You get the idea.

[adgal]

The whole ttc process can be so stressful, I think what your going through is normal.  After my 5th miscarriage I was at that point.  Funny thing is I conceived right after my last m/c and wasn't really trying.  That is the one that stuck and I am now 24 weeks.  Sometimes taking a break and just going back to sex for fun (yes, there was a time in our lives we did that!!) is a healthy thing to do.  I can't tell you how many stories I have heard of women who got to that point and that's when it happened. I think there is something to the theory that stress can prevent...hang in there and maybe take a break.  Just enjoy your partner for a while.  I wish you well!!

[rubyinparadise]

I think that your fatigue with the process is totally normal and in fact, can be a blessing in disguise. Both times I got pregnant, it was *right* after I hit that wall of, "Ya know what? I just don't care anymore!! If it happens, it happens!!"

Of course I really did care, but something in me just started to detach a bit from the hypervigilance of "TTC". I don't even like the phrase "trying to conceive" very much because it put me in the mindframe that I would be eternally "trying". (But there's really nothing better to call it.)

So yeah... I think it's fine to get to that place and say screw it. On a deeper level you do care, but letting go a bit can be a welcome relief.

[BLS1971]

Thanks to both of you. I want to have another baby more than anything (except to find more time to spend with my little boy), and I have been feeling alternately guilty and alarmed when I stop to think about just how NOT gung-ho I am this month. I had started to wonder if my interest is flagging.

Having said that, I do feel spoiled after hearing what you have been through. I was extraordinarily blessed to conceive my son on the first try and--so far--have had no miscarriages. I know the odds are better that I will experience some kind of problems this time around and, even though I know this and even though it's still early in this process, I have had a he** of a couple months. Most of all, I felt like an idiot reporting on every little "symptom" to my husband and mother, only to find out I was not pregnant at all.

I appreciate your feedback, and I certainly wish you both a healthy pregnancy and baby very soon. Sending healthy, sticky baby dust to you both...Fed Ex!  =)

Bonnie

[udbe2]

I completely understand where you are coming from.  I haven't been temping or even doing the OPK's the last two months.  We've been BD'ing every other day and nothing since my last m/c in June.   I've even looked into the Clear Blue Fertility Monitors however just haven't got the mind set of caring to order or pick up one.  

I've stopped talking about it w/ family and when the few friends do ask I just tell them if it happens it happens.  I'm tired of obsessing and constantly buying sticks to be dissappointed each month.

[kristine625]

I definitely understand what you are saying.  In fact, I cannot talk about this issue with my family or friends anymore because they do not understand where I am coming from.  They all want to find solutions and suggestions.  I even have one friend who goes into such great detail about what I, my RE or my husband should be doing.

The bottom line is I really don't care anymore either!  Yes I want a baby.  Yes we will keep trying (I'm 39, no kids yet, four miscarriages).  But I refuse to obsess over every little blasted thing :)  I think it takes up way too much energy.

I don't mean to sound negative, I just think that I know what you are saying.  I feel ya' girl.