Scared and confused

[Fallennnm]

So me and my husband have been having problems in our marriAge due to my family issues as well as our problems as well. He sees how screwed up my family is and sees how disgracing my sister was to her family and says I'm just like her because she is my sister and always tells me when he is mad that I'm a hoar like her and that he is gonna divorce me. My real problem is the fact he texts with a lot of girls on messenger and Facebook and caught him a few times having phone sex. In our culture when a girl disgraces her family she is put upon and no one respects that family no more. So every time I catch him doing something bad he turns the argument back to what my sister did and says I'm just showing u what your sister does. I told him its over I want a divorce he said ok but I'm taking our kids and the one still to come and u will never see them again. In our culture they can do that sometimes especially if they find a reason why they should stay with the family. What should I do? Should I stay with him and be depressed all my life and I'm only 29 or leave and pray for the best. I just think ill die if I can't see my kids

[Fallennnm]

So my husband try to make up with me today and I blew him off, right after I did that he said well I only did that for the kids or really I don't care and you know your the one who is wrong and should be apologizing. I didn't speak back but what the hell is he talking about I'm the wrong one. He is the one that's doing the bad things not I. The only I did was tell his dAd and that's all he his mad about.

[Kennedy47]

What a terrible situation. I hope you realize that this marriage is extremely unhealthy to you and your babies and you do deserve much better. No, do not stay with him, you will make it. I promise. Obviously you have to stay in the U.S. so that the law can protect you. Which state are you in? Lots of states can really help you and depending on your situation it might even be best to leave and go to a woman's shelter if you have any forms of fear, intimidation or violence in the home. There are laws that can automatically grant you custody in these situations, people who can help you get on your feet, watch your kids, feed you etc.. and help you find housing and come up with a plan.
Don't sacrifice 10 more years of your life. Be able to look back and say, "those were some hard years" but not have to look ahead and say that. Message me if you'd like :)

[ccourtney519]

Look into a woman's shelter for abused women, they can offer you the help you need.

[LimarieLi]

Salaam fallennm, I emailed you earlier, but it looks like you got some great advice here... I just wanted to say in case there were other Muslims reading this that this is absolutely not the behavior of a proper Muslim & should not be tolerated. It's emotionally abusive & disgusting. Being modest does not mean you are subhuman or subservient..there are lots of resources out there willing to help women, you just gotta Google & pick up the phone :)

[BarbieAnn85]

stay in the US, the government will halp you out until you get on your feet. Don't let anyone treat you like that you and your kids dont need the stress.

[NatFox]

I have been in a simular relationship years ago....i know it is difficult to escape. Even i didn't have kids back then....it still was hard as he had control over me.... And it wasn't long till mental abuse became physical :(.... I really hope you find the way out...not just for your children but for yourself !!!

[Fallennnm]

Thank you all
I really needed to her everything that has been said to me. I feel stronger knowing that other people understand the pain I'm going through and makes me feel like I can overcome this obstacle in my life.

[peaches421]

Depending on where u Live they have support groups to help women get away from men.  But for the rest of ur pregnancy u need to be strong and support u and ur kids.  Try not to stress out because it will affect ur baby.  But u definitely need to get away from him. Stay strong!!!

[michelle81781]

Women in need is a wonderfull service. They helped me get a divorce from my first husband when he became a cheater and because I was a stay at home mother with no income it didnt cost anything to me. They have alot of services avaible to help in these situations. Good luck dear, remember you are your own person and you deserve better!

[gia29]

U live in the united states. Enough said.leave and take the kids and get an attorney becuz ur husband is a lying cheating piece of **** that doesn't deserve u sweetie. Do this for u,but also for ur children!

[Fallennnm]

My family are not really that close
Brothers only care for themselves and my dad well he is not a daddy figure u can really rely on. I love them all but they won't help me they will just say go back to Yemen give him kids or just deal with ur life being miserable just as long as they don't hv to spend a penny out their pockets.
I gonna look up the women in need and see exactly what that is. Well I appreciate All of the advice you all have giving me. I don't have any friends cause he never gave me a chance to make any and it felt good to get feed back from other people. I'm not a bad person but sometimes he makes me feel like a nobody and I do believe I deserve better than that.

[KarinaPolito]

In a situation that seems to have no easy way out, you need to take the harder way which will be difficult now but pay off at the end.  You can get public assistance. I am only saying this for your best interests, so leave him but make sure to get a lawyer and a plan now. Good luck. And don't forget God will help you through these dark times.

[cher01]

He ie psychologically abusing you to makevyou hopeless and inferior. Youvare in the Usa and I don't think you should consider going back to Yemen for he will sure take your kids. Consider your legal status also here coz if you are here legally then you are in a stronger position. As someone said give birth to your baby then seek help. Don't let him blackmail you with your family stuff. Keep evidence of his abuse and how lousy he is as a father coz it might become useful later. He is not worth spending your life with.

[michelle81781]

The best I can suggest is wait until you are healed from having your baby and then go to women in need. They can help you with a place to stay and a lawyer. You will be able to get a job and child care as well with thier help. there are many agiencys here that can help you and he can not take the children with out a very good reason. Would your family be able to come here to help you at all?

[NatFox]

I am surprised your btothers are not helping you!! I believe you can complain to his parents aswell....

[maybay]

I understand this can be very difficult. There are many different organizations here in the states that can help. I undetstand muslim culture a little I took a class not to long ago at college. Try to take a deep breath and relax.  I wish I could be more help to you.  

[Fallennnm]

Lizzieadam thank you

[lizzieadam]

I wish u all the best. You  sound a very strong person and i hope all works out for u and yoir kids.

[Fallennnm]

I'm Muslim but I was born in the United States. I don't have no support from my brothers at all and they are lost in there own world. I haven't finished college I hv 2 more years to go and I don't work. I hv money but it won't last me and my kids for long.  My parents are in Yemen and if I go there with my kids his family can and will go in our home and take them away from me. If I stay in the USA he can't do nothing but I don't have anyone to help me. I'm just so scared I can't go out and look for a job he won't let me and if I do leave him it will be hard not having a job right away and my baby coming soon. Oh god I can live the rest of my life without a man but I can't live a single day without my babies. I pray that god helps me through this trouble time of mine. I do hv a plan if worst comes to show. But my plan is a long shot but it might work.

[lizzieadam]

Why would u have another child with a man like this, makes no sense to me. Marraige is a equal partnership and can add stability to your life if its with the right person. If i were i i would get out as soon as.

[Steph_2]

I would leave him and take my kids with me then let him fight me for them through the courts. I would talk to an attorney and get some advise from him, you need to be smart about it. But living a depressed live is not healthy for you or your kids. Culture is important but your health and happiness is more important, just my opinion.

[NatFox]

Where do you live? Culture might be important in some places and very difficult to deal with. Do you have the chance to leave country? You should do something about it as it will affect your children.
My parents had a bad marriage and it sure had a huge impact on me and my brother :(

[New24888]

What culture is higher than court? You can just decide is keeping your kids!

[nicq]

get help from someone that can get you away from him and get you custody of the kids if necessary. Don't tell him as it may infuriate him? Be careful. If you want to get away and its in your children's best interest...leave but be smart about it.