having a hard time and need to vent

[Courtd16]

I know what I might be feeling  or saying might up set some people.  I dont mean to. I am in a two year relationship with a single dad. when I met him he did not have much contact with his now 4yr old daughter.  I knew about her and was ok with it because I figured I would have limited to no interaction with her while we were dating. Thing moved quickly and he was moving closer to my area so we could do more with eachother. About a year in he found out his daughters mother was  doing some hard core drugs and was leaving her kids with people. He became very motivated to go get her. However also at this time he had lost his job and was looking for work and staying with me and my mother. My mother was very opento helping and when she found out his dadaughters situation wanted to help. So thats what we did we went and got her. Now we have all been living in a two bedrooms condo . I have always had the most interaction with her because I was going to school and working part  time. I never spent much time around kids and felt like they were fine for little bits of time.  So then becoming a main caregiver was a struggle.  So then we got her in pre-k and it was better. Then that raised a new issue of her wanting to call me mom. My boyfriend didn't care and my mom loved the idea. However I felt like I did not want to push it because my relationship was still new only two years and has been moving so fast by then. However it happened and I went with it. Now that im pregnant I feel  so many new things. I care for her and want the best for her but loving her like my own idk. Im adopted and even though I love my family there is a line that separates us.  My mom however keeps pushing me to feel something and its not happening. She just does not understand and it makes me feel like a bad person. I took on a role that truth I never thought would come so quick. Now having my own idk whats going happen but I feel I might have made a big mistake letting things go. I love him and from day one told him my fears about dating/being with someone with kids. Idk what to do but really just wanted to vent. Thank you

[bigmamapagaza]

It's tough sometimes. But, like some others said, you can't control how you feel. Dont feel guilty about it!!  People might want you to feel guilty but it's your life and your emotions.  We can hope that later your feelings grow for her but for now just take it slow. It's hard because she counts on you for the love she doesn't have from her mother. To be honest, you will not love her like you love your own. It's a fact of life. Just showing her affection and caring should be enough until you are feeling more. Good luck.

[Mama530]

I have a mixed family,  but am on the other side of the fence. I have 2 sons from a previous,  and my husband and I are about to have our 4th together. Our kids are siblings without issues,  but due to the immaturity of the boys bio dad and family,  it was made very clear to our sons that these are half siblings and step dad,  and clear to our daughters their brothers have a different father.  It was a sad time,  very heartbreaking to the children and us. Kids don't always see an adults point of view.  Their innocence is a special thing without corruption,  their views on things are very delicate. One down side for me is that my sons bio dad spent 3yrs. In our oldest sons life and 9 months in our youngest, where as my husband has been dad for the past 7 years. Our kids are about to be 13 and under. The line created by the bio dad and his family forced an uncomfortability that never existed, in our combined family.  The bio dad was never apart of our lives until I got married,  than he would pop up every now and than, now he has a child with someone else and pops up about 4x a year. I guess the point I am trying to make is, even though you may not feel a connection,  your step daughter does, and she will feel an even stronger connection to her new sister/brother. For her sake, and the sake of her future relationship with her own daughters one day, help make the bond that doesn't really exist,  because you are all she has that can teach her acceptance, motherly love, unconditional love for another human being.  If you allow her any type of glimpse into your actual feelings that you don't love her as your own, you could cause her a rejection issue that she is going to grow up with in regards to a mother daughters relationship thatvshe will have from both her moms, and brought into her own daughter and mother relationship.  One that doesn't need to exist. I hope that makes sense.

[kittiemom_xo]

I wouldn't think too much into it now since you are pregnant. Hormones go crazy so I wouldn't make any decisions just yet. Of course there would be a line between her and your own child its something you can't help. But I think in time, if your relationship with the father is still going well, that you will feel more attached to her. But also talk to him about it if not.. Because you dont want to be overwhelmed

[Courtd16]

Thanks you everyone.

[abbb01]

U may not feel deep strong love for her but it sure sounds like u care fpr her and have made her a part of ur family when she was in a bad situation which is wonderful I do think u should talk to ur mom though about forcing feelings that's just not going tl happen and she's just creating undue stress when it sounds like u are already treating that lil girl well and that's the biggest thing that matters is she feels she's safe and belongs the emotions may come in time on their own kudos to u for doing for her what it seems her mother wouldn't

[mege26]

You can't always help the way you feel or don't feel. I think its great that pu stepped up when you didn't have to. Kids need love and support even if its not from their blood. I agree, I wouldn't want to be called mom that early in case something happened. But I still think you did a wonderful thing. Just give it time and see how you feel. You can't force feelings.

[Jrob0530]

Awww it's ok pregnancy def causes emotions to surface. I can say I love my step kids to death and only want the best for them. They will ALWAYS have a place in my home &my heart, but being pregnant with my first I also know it will be a whole new world. Don't stress nurture you're relationship with his daughter after all she will be the stepsister to your little one. It's harder when they are little but my stepdaughter will be 16 in April and I love having her around she's my shadow &my buddy and my extra set of hands around the house. I hope your relationship flourishes but that takes time so don't be so hard on yourself.