Well you can tell him about my poor DH. We haven't had intercourse for 17 weeks. The doctor advised against it right after the ET and then I had some spotting so at my first OB vist the doc advised against it then too. We've yet to get clearance. Which is fine with me because it was only recently that I've got an itty bit of my libido back. I could really go through the the next couple of years without sex and I'd be okay.
Granted recently our sex life is far from exciting these days. In fact I'm suprised at how well he's handled it. We do "other things"...LOL. I cracked up when my OB said that. ANd most of the time I'm never in the mood for that either. We're not quite sure what she meant exactly by "Other things", but I've given a fair effort for something twice a week. He seems to be okay in that I just give him fellatio (sp?) and/or a "hand job"...I'm so sorry if this sounds vulgar. I don't know the proper term.
So maybe you can figure out. Just try to do something a couple times of week. It'll keep him content. Just put out the effort a couple time at least or once in while ...it's hard to completely ignore them. Explain to him too it's not going to get much better after the baby comes. You'll be too busy with the baby. Eventually things will get back to normal but that's probably at the point when the baby starts sleeping throught the night. I dunno....you're sex-life will change dramatically esp if this will be your first child.
LOL when you figure out what to say to your dh let me know so I can pass it along to mine also. He's getting very little action like once every other week, but like Yvette I do offer up the hand job. If this keeps up I'm going to get carpel tunnel syndrom. It's not that I'm not in the mood because I am, but it just doesn' t feel good anymore. Without getting into too much detail there is external and internal discomfort. Plus the only position that really works for us right now is doggie and I'm just not turned on about him looking at my ever expanding rear end or into trying to control my constant gas while we're having sex. It's pretty much a disaster that I fake my way through until it's over. It's a big change from the near constant bd'ing we did to get pregnant. I feel kind of bad for the guy.
Well I must be a complete whack-job. Because my situation is the opposite. *I* am so frustrated I want to scream a few times a week. A few times my DH and I had "rear entry" sex (not anal), and I spotted. Normal, right? Well, my husband got really worried and asked the OB. Who then said that it's not a huge concern, but we may want to "slow things down" right now, and then have to give up sex altogether for the last couple of months. I could freakin' kill my OB. Because now my husband is completely paranoid to have sex. And I don't spot EVERY time...just in that position. But he's still worried. I mean, he'll give in about once a week if I harass him enough...but he's worried the whole time, which lessens my enjoyment somewhat. LOL. I'm thinking I better just buy more batteries. Ugh.
Thanks for the advice...and this actually isnt our first child...its our third and fourth (twins) we have 2 boys already ages 5 and 4...and I have to be honest...the sex drive never returned fully for me after, given the breastfeeding and exhaustion. But ya, the "hand job" is what we have been doing, I'm just trying to find a way to do things we both can enjoy, I dont like faking it or doing things just to do them to make him stop complaining. It doesnt feel right. But like written above...Im not a fan of the "doggie style" sex either! It seems to be a favorite for him too. He has been patient and we have only had a few times, all times went fine until it was over and then i always seem to be paranoid until my next ultrasound.
Well...my sex drive is fine but I'm having dysphoria issues (for those not familiar with trans lingo this means a negative emotional reaction because parts of my body don't match what parts of my brain say they should be), so a similar end result. It
s gotten better but there were weeks where it was pretty much impossible unless he wanted me curled up in a corner crying afterwards. Manual and/or oral stimulation works as a stopgap measure... Now that it isn't so bad any more I usually just let him do it even if I'm not in the mood at all. But I agreed, in writing, to be "physically at his disposal" so it may be a little different for me than for most people.
Kage_no_Taren, I have to ask. Why did you agree in writing to be "physically at his disposal"? Just curious.
Because I belong to him. It wouldn't make any sense for my heart and mind to belong to him but not my body...
I have no desire this time either... weird because when i was pregnant with my daughter, IM the one who was wanting it more... THIS TIME I'm having a boy and i have NO DESIRE WHATSOEVER... my husband gets frustrated too... HOWEVER, I still try to please him atleast once a week. its a small price to pay for all he does for me, and it makes our marriage stay strong... funny part is, if i just give in, i end up having fun after a few minutes anyway... good luck!
I have absolutely no desire either, but I just try to suck it up and DTD every now and then. I totally don't want to and even feel repulsed sometimes but I dont want my husband frustrated.
I feel the exact same way. My husband does not understand at all. I thought that there was something wrong with me, and I just didnt get it. I am so in love with my husband and I am completely happy with him. Just since i have been pregnant I havent had the desire to do anything with him. I know he is trying to be patient.. but 9 MONTHS!? I feel so bad for him, so I will just give in most of the time. Hope everything works out for you!
Really sticking my neck out here being a DH and all but here it goes. I will never experience pregnancy, nor will I ever know how it feels to be pregnant. My wife and I have always had the right mixture of sexuality, me being hyper sexual and her being not always into it. That is fine with me, we chose each other because we compliment each other in so many ways, so the question is, WHY IS SEX SUCH A BIG DEAL? Here are my thought.
I am pair bonded with my wife and we love each other very much. I am monogamous with her and would not jeopardize what we have for 30 seconds of release. But there in lies the issue. Our nature, as men, is to bang(for the lack of a better term) as much as possible to keep the population going. Sounds barbaric, but it is encoded in our DNA. For the most part, masturbation solves most of these issues but eventually stops working. So where does that leave us? Hormonal, frustrated, jealous, high strung, searching for a new avenue to release endorphins in a non sexual way....list goes on, Does this sound familiar? That right ladies, similar to being preggers. When a couple are truly in love and together, both of you are pregnant. I get that you will have to push a 6-8 pound baby out of there and that your body changes durastically but, is something I will never get to do.... but that's nature, the same nature that made us only a chromosome apart.
In my case, my wife thinks the world of me cause I am awesome. I accommodate her every need, especially when pregnant. I have stepped in on ALOT, if not all of the household chores including the chores I had before. I massage her almost every night and do my best to accommodate for any discomfort and have taken the reigns at night and in the morning with our 2yo boy. And damn right I do because we are a team, always have been always will be.
So wtf :) I think that it is awesome that a few of you are offering up alternate avenues for your Husbands, and that holds them at bay, but it is all about showmanship. I think if you want your Hubby to be less sexually frustrated you should base your efforts around showomanship. 30 min out of your week to put on an act that your husband will appreciate really isn't all that much and I guarantee, if you do it out of the blue and have him not asking for it, the satiation will last longer.
I personally do not get this treatment, I beg for it and you know what.... I should not have to, I am great and deserve a little effort as well. Being pregnant does not give the right to be righteous and if your man treats you right, do your self and him a favor and take an interest. What are the movies that get him going and rein act up to the sex part (meaning no actual sex). Let him rub moisturizer all over you and then jump him like you mean it, even if you don't. Appreciate the one who doesn't seek it elsewhere because he is also the one that holds your hand when you are giving birth, the one that would fight off a pack of wolves even if he knew he would fail and the one that has given you the gift you are going to push out of you.
I am a sexually Frustrated father of 1/2 and do not think it will change for me before or after the birth. That does mean that I cannot tell you what your husband really wants. HE WANTS TO BE LOVED, APPRECIATED and SATISFIED just like you. So go home and make him feel like a king for 30-40 min and BAM problem solved.