Stay at home or back to work??

[jenkaye21]

Just curious...
Someone else's post about finding daycare made me wonder about everyone's plans after baby?
Back to work?  How soon?
or planning to stay home with baby?

[jenntanis]

Well, I currently have the ability to work from home, which is a double edged sword.  I can work from home, but I'm not allowed to have any noise in the background (television, my dog, or a baby).  I had contemplated getting an inhome sitter while I work, but it's not going to be feasible, and I can't give up my job.  Our health insurance goes through my work, and we need both incomes to pay our mortage and stuff.  We are going to tour a daycare next week, that is within 5 minutes of our house.  I'm planning on trying to stay home for 12 weeks, but we'll see what short term disability will give me.

[pat4rod]

I so agree with worriedbabe, my mom was a stay at home mom and we never went without, and I have been a stay at home mom for 9 yrs now, and I love it. My 17 yr old said he loves coming home to find me here bc when he started school I was always working. I also always have something to do. I pick up my 5 & 9 yr old from school and they love it just the smile I get when they see my truck pull up priceless.

[worriedbabe]

i'm a stay at home mum. was about to go back to work when my son turned to but found i'm pregnant again!! as it's a threatened miscarriage, i've decided to stay home and take things as easy as my tot allows. i'll go back to work when this baby turns two if he pulls through. i think it's important and healthy to have some kind of a life outside of caring for your children. however, my mum and dad were ALWAYS at work and i wish they hadn't let that take over. mum/dad being around a little more was important to me as a child...more important than how nice the house/car was or how good my presents were.

[kaprovea]

I love my job also.  I have decided though with the money I make as a teacher we would just cover the cost of day care.  My husband went back to school for the last 2 years for an MBA so that I would be able to stay home if I chose to.  I think that it would be fun to do all the mommy things with my child.  Im excited to do playgroups and go to the library story hours and such.

[lmcrt]

I'm going to take off 12weeks and then go back to work part-time 3 days a week. I'm a respiratory therapist and not willing to give up my career just yet, plus it would financially help us feel not stressed about money since I am a big spender. My husband is a firefighter so at most he works 2-3 24hour shifts a week. We won't need day care and I would never trust my little ones to strangers. We are going to work around are schedules and still have a few full days a week off together and then my mom will babysit on the days we are scheduled together.

[SoCalTricia]

You are exactly right! If I was unhappy at home, my kids would know it. Funny thing is, I *could have stayed home with my son and been happy...but not the same *kind of happy. Strange, I know. He was just such a good baby...always happy and SO funny. He's still that way, and he's 9 years old...I could be with him 24/7 and never get tired of him. My daughter - totally different. She was exhausting - both physically and emotionally. Sometimes I *needed to get a break from her. She's *still exhausting, and she's 18 years old! LOL. Also, luckily, I work in a field that is not effected by the economy. In fact, when the economy gets worse, my job gets busier! And, my kids have always been pretty proud of what I do, and how well I've taken care of them for all their lives so far. (I've been a single mom up to this point.) We've been fortunate enough to have a very good life, and they have had the chance to experience a lot of things that many kids don't get to do. So...my working works out best for *all of us. Add to that, too, that my benefits are outstanding - six weeks a year of vacation, great retirement and excellent health insurance. When you add it all up, it would actually make more sense for my *husband to stay home!

Tricia

[tiredbuthappy]

oh yea- like Dani said, you can ask what the daycare's requirements are. Around here they do finger printing.

I also forgot to mention, that i do plan on staying home until the baby is 4 months or so. that's what i did last time. I don't think anything less would be enough for me... at that point i was ready to get out. I also want the 4 months to ensure that I can successfully breastfeed for at least that long.

[tiredbuthappy]

i am going back to work. If i didn't find childcare that i could afford for 2, i might have taken a year off. but just today i found someone i trust :)

technically, i think we could survive on DH's salary. BUT, he'd have to contribute less to retirement. Nothing would be going in to savings. We would have to cut most extras. And every unexpected expense would go on a credit card and build up debt. Fender bender? Leaky pipe? Need a new washer? Anything like that would go on a creditcard. In addition, we are on my insurance which costs me nothing out of my paycheck, so that would be an additional expense.

it would be too stressful. We'd have to avoid special occasions (weddings, birthdays, etc...) because we wouldn't be able to afford gifts. We'd worry about bills, and that would stress us out.

I don't feel it's worth the risk for me to stay home. Maybe when there's 3 kids... But with all of the uncertainty in the economy, I want to do everything I can to ensure my family's stability. by the way... i do have a plan for when there are 3 and childcare would cost too much- i am almost finished getting my ESL certification and you can make big $$ teaching just a few hours a week in adult school, community centers, etc...

If i had the choice and money was no concern, would I stay home? I don't know. I do find work to be very rewarding and fullfilling. I think part of the reason I am willing to work is because I am also a teacher. It's a pretty good schedule- no crazy hours. So many breaks, summer vacation, etc... If i had a 9-5 job that I hated, I would probably fight harder to stay home.

[Dani711]

martinsbride- when my friend had her baby she just researched all day cares here and it is not required as a state law to have a background check, and then you can just ask the day care center what their requirements are.
About the aspect of staying home, if you can afford to stay home and that is what you really want to do, talk to your fiance and see where he stands on it.  Probably best to start figuring things out now and getting prepared.  Being a stay at home mom is a full time job so I wouldn't feel like you are not providing just as equally toward your family.

Tricia- I think you are a perfect example of someone who is better at work, because your kids feed off of how you are feeling.  They would start to recongize that you need to be doing something different, and that would probably be worse for them.  I also think it is so great that you love your job!  I know for me I will be 32 when I deliver and have waited forever to be a mom.  But with our roping company we will be traveling for a couple weeks a month as a family, and I will be able to work with my baby with us for a while, and that is the best of both worlds for me!  I am just to the point right now where I want to feel what it is like when I finally get to meet my little baby, I think I am going to burst LOL!

[SoCalTricia]

I'll be going back to work. With my last child (he's 9 now) I had money saved up and was able to stay home for six months before going back to work. This time, I think I'll be able to swing about four months. I've never had anything but positive experiences with daycare with both of my children, so that's not an issue for me...I don't worry about them getting abused. The fact is, the huge majority of abused children are abused by their own parents, not a non-relative. I loved being home for that first six months with my son...but, if I could choose five years to stay home, it would be from about 12 - 17 years, not from newborn to kindergarten. LOL. (This is the mother of an 18 y.o. daughter talking.) That aside, I love my work...it gives me a different kind of satisfaction and sense of accomplishment than motherhood gives me. Plus, I make really good money - more than my husband. If we scrimped, we could live on one income - but I don't want to live like that. Also, I will admit to having this irrational fear of total dependence on someone else.

Tricia

[pat4rod]

I have been a stay at home mom for 9 yrs, and me and dh wouldn't have it any other way. But then I still have 4 kids at home and always have something to do. I think that it is so much fun it, I have one in pre-k, one in 3rd, one in 8th, and one in 10th. Busy busy.

[martinsbride]

One of the factors that controls my decision, and some people aren't going to understand it (heck, I'm not sure if I do), is that my guy likes the finer things in life.  He has a job making approx 4 times what I do, and he has said that in two years, he may be offered a position in which he'll travel about 5 days a week, and asked if I would be okay with it, because he wants the money aspect of it.  

I have always been the provider in my relationships, never knowing when to say no, and now for the first time, I'm not.  But I don't know what I'm supposed to do now either.  Am I supposed to compete with him and try to make as much as him?  Or could it be possible for me to just sit back and enjoy motherhood for awhile?  I'm scared to address this with him, mostly because I'm afraid he would think I just want to live off him like my exes did off me, but it's not that.  I've waited to be a mom for so long.  I'm really confused.  I haven't even talked to anyone about these feelings yet.

[jenkaye21]

You're right, it is a very personal decision and different for everyone.  My best friend is a stay-at-home mom of 4, and i have the utmost resect for her-- I don't know how she does it!  
As a teacher, I get summers with my kids and love it, but I am always ready for school to start. haha
I always joke that snow days (we're off on our second in a row, today), make me remember why I work! (besides the $, of course)
I love my kids more than life itself, but I think I'm a more patient, attentive mommy when I'm not with them 24/7.  That and I DO love my job.  
I respect all of you who plan to stay home-- I think its one of the hardest jobs in the world!

[martinsbride]

How do you find out about the background checks?  I'm curious now whether they check things out down where we'll be.

[Dani711]

I have always planned on staying home.  Aside from the fact that day care is expensive, around here they don't even do ANY backround checks on the people they hire.  Anyone can walk in and get a job, and that scares me.  I know for me I would never be able to concentrate on work not knowing how my child is.  I think it has to come down to what you think is best for you and if you can afford to stay home.

[jenkaye21]

BTW, I will be going back to work (I'm a teacher).  This is my fourth child, and I went back to work fairly early with all of them.  Well, with my first, it was back to college.  

But I have THE most wonderful daycare, it is an in-home daycare, she keeps about 6 or 8 kids, and she loves them like they are her own.  She is like a member of our family, and I've known her forever.  She has kept all of them from about age 6 weeks until after they started school.  

Thank God she has a spot for my little one coming in August!!  With the timing, and getting 6 weeks off school for matermity leave, I am hoping to get a little more home-time with this one, probably about 8-10 weeks.   Can't wait!

[martinsbride]

We keep talking about it, and I love working, but the more I think about daycare (and especially after the story on foxnews.com today about the baby that was locked up in the dark in the daycare because his parents didn't show on time), I just think it's wiser to try and work from home until he can go to school.

[kaprovea]

I am planning on staying home with my kids until they go to school.