Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
1178023 tn?1293733628

I am doubly thrilled but MIL is sad

Hi everyone I am 14 weeks pregnant with twins. I found out that Twin B is  a boy, by accident. The Ultrasound tech kept telling me look at the penis, so that's done. I am thrilled as this is my first pregnancy I was happy with one but two is more than I could have asked for.
The issue is my MIL, she had beautiful gorgeous sons, one of whom I am married to. She always wanted a little girl but I have a feeling they are boys, which makes me happy but sad because I feel that she is a let down.
Then here is something else, my mother's sister my closest aunt told me if I had a boy and a girl, she would love the girl more. I feel helpless. I tried for years to have a baby, and now I would think everyone would be happy but now they are choosing genders.

Has anyone been through this or going through this.

3 Responses
Avatar universal
First of all: Congratulations on the pregnancy!  But reading your post made me so upset that such a sweet time in your life is overshadowed by such negativity.  I was going to respond to your other post, but here seems more fitting.  My ultimate *dream* in life is to be a mother!  To be able to carry my baby(ies) to term, just to have no complications and have a healthy development of a fetus (or fetuses) would be my DREAM!  What should be an exciting, hopeful, optimistic time is now a discouraging, dismal and depressing time about your future kids *gender*?  I don't know if your family, or MIL, knows of your fertility past.  If they don't, well, their ignorance of the delicacy of life and it's challenges is obvious.  If they actually know how hard it was for you to get to this point, and they *still* are making you feel incomplete and flawed - then I would talk to DH about this.  Sorry to be so blunt, but your MIL's inability to conceive girls is not something for you to worry about and *fix*.  Your aunt, the same thing... No matter how much they love you, nobody should spoil this moment for you.

I hate how people put their own agendas onto other people lives.  How could anyone know the pain in our hearts.  Their nightmares are nothing to the reality of our lives.  I'm sorry you have to go through this.  I wish I could remind you of how *lucky* you really are at this place in your life.  Please try to remember how hard it was for you to get to this point.  Remember the joy of the positive test.  Remember the dreams of your pure childhood innocence and realize you are on your way to that dream.  

I hope that your pregnancy will be uneventful.  And remember when you hold those two warm little babies in your arms next year - nobody will be thinking about whether they are a boy or girl - they will be thinking about how complete your life is.
136689 tn?1419580447
i would just ignore what your aunt and mil are saying.. this is your time and i can understand the fertility issues just to get to the point on having a little baby grow inside and how wonderful it is and that these little ones are taken for granted as it has taken it's time to get to this point.. please don't let them get you down as you will love these babies more than anything in the world and i'm sure what ever sex they will be everyone will love them just as much
1271927 tn?1310580362
Chrissie - everyone is gonna have so much to say during your whole pregnancy that eventually it will be easier to brush off the dumb comments from family, friends and strangers. However, here is some info for you. My sister just had twins about 5 months ago - one boy and one girl. It was the first girl on BOTH sides of her family. She was so nervous that everyone was gonna favor the girl (Aliyah) more than the boy (Aiden). She even secretly told me that she feels like SHE would have to favor Aiden more because no one would love him.

Well, 5 months later I check out her facebook (I live far away) and become SO offended that everyone she knows has like 200 pictures of Aiden and like 5 picture of Aliyah posted in their books! It is CLEAR that Aiden is being favored. Anyways, I go up there to visit a few weeks ago and it's very apparent that Aiden is being favored (the opposite of what she thought would happen). So, she and my mom tend to favor Aliyah more to make up for it. They are both my God babies, so I love them equally of course!

Just know that everyone will have favorites in life. I was my uncle's favorite, my brother was my great grandfathers' favorite, my sister was my aunt's favorite and so on. It never hurt our feelings. We were all loved by all of our family, and no one was mentally damaged by the extra love!

So, girls, boys, one of each...it doesn't really matter. Each kid has their own personality and will be loved by all. But the feelings you are having are natural. And in the meantime, when people make dumb comments just ignore them or give back a dumb comment ("yeah, I think I will love our daughter more too...in fact, we're thinking about selling our son on the black market...." see what kind of reaction you get from your dumb commenters when you say that! LOL!)

:)
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Pregnancy: May 2011 Babies Community

Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Get information and tips on how to help you choose the right place to deliver your baby.
Get the facts on how twins and multiples are formed and your chance of carrying more than one baby at a time.
Learn about the risks and benefits of circumcision.
What to expect during the first hours after delivery.
Learn about early screening and test options for your pregnancy.
Learn about testing and treatment for GBS bacterium.