Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
I'm 23 years old and made some dumb mistakes after a few too many drinks. Long story short I'm 20 weeks pregnant and the father is a complete joke, he's even already dating someone else. When I told him I wasn't getting an abortion he didn't talk to me for a month. But we finally agreed on adoption. I know it'll be the best for this little boy, but it's tough. I guess my question is if anyone is going through the same thing or knows anyone who has and if it gets easier?
15 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
I've not been in your shoes, but I am on the other side of the adoption table -- a waiting family. All I can say is there are many families who would be glad to keep it an open adoption and keep you involved in your baby's life. Hang in there -- you are very brave to consider such a difficult but loving option for your baby. Good luck.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Im 30 years old and was adopted at 3 days old. My birth mom went through a very similar situation as you are describing. I am so greatful for the difficult decision that my birth mom made. I was able to get in contact with her when I was about 18. And have kept a great relationship with her ever since. I cant explane how much it helped both of us. Life always has its ups and downs but the difficult decision that she made and the hard 9 months with all the difficult choices and how hard it was for her to deal with my birth dad, improved both our lives! Sometimes in the moment it is hard to see the benifits but I come to you as the adopted child who will forever be greatful to women like you for making the hard choices! It wont be easy, but it will be worth it. For you, your baby, and a family with love to give. Thank you for sharing and thank you for your decision
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Maybe think about an open adoption if you think you'll be ok seeing your baby grow up with another family.  I was a single mom at 21 with two kids. Without the help and support of my parents I probably would have failed my kids miserably. I commend you for thinking about your baby first.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am talking to the one who posted this. Kudos to u. U are so brave and kind for not having an abortion being so young and to people here who doesn't seem to be satisfied enough with it. She has already done so much by not killing the baby and if she is not ready her bf is not responsible  and wants a better future for her baby by adoption why not. You girl . you are saving yourself from being like most of the dumb american teens who take the charge alone thinking its a child's play to raise a kid and their baby end up being dysfunctional as grown ups. I am 27 scared as ****. My bf is also great but since we are having problems with the marriage procedure I hated the idea of getting pregnant I still do. Hiding from my family and friends. I even talked about abortion at first for the first 3 months. I am 28+2 now and I am talking about adoption. This girl is a hero for me already.and I a coward. So stop bullshitting
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Look take this either way you want to but if you wasn't ready to be a parent you should t have had unprotected sex I was 19 when I had my first child and the dad didn't want anything to do with us but I didn't be crazy and give my daughter away. But I know that stronger women's deal with their consequences but there are some that can't deal with their mistakes
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I had to give my baby girl for adoption 6 years ago.  She was very ill and needed for the ret of her life a nurse 24/7. I loved her very much but I had to realize that I didn't had all the ability to take care of her (epileptic, cerebral palsy, autism, blind, paralyse, not able to communicate with me t all), it was to big and my love for her couldn't make up for all her need.  So I took the MST difficult decision of my life and I find her a family that had other child like her and that would give her the life that she deserved. I still cry a lot, I feel guilty with my decision but deep down I know that I did the best thing for her.  I choose an open adoption and have news regularly.  Even thought I would love to have other child, I can't so adoption his how only hope.  Take all the time you need to choose your decision that you'll know that is the best for you and your baby.

Good luck
I understand what you are going through.
Gen
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You're doing a wonderful thing. It's going to make a couple really happy someday
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I got pregnant in college and the father wanted nothing to do with the baby. I know my baby deserved to have both a mother and FATHER present in its life. So I made the decision to put the baby up for adoption.  Best decision of my life.  It was an open adoption and i still get to see her. I am now married with our 3rd kid on the way. Very hard decision and it took lots of strength. But you can absolutely do it. You just need to make sure you find a support system through the process and also make sure you go through counseling BEFORE you have the baby.  Birth parents should pay for it. Also your medical expenses should be paid for by the birth parents.  It is also nice if you choose them early and they can attend some of the apts with you to see the baby growing and build that relationship with them. Where do you live?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Good luck hunny sounds like your doing the right thing for you and your baby xx strength your way
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Good luck with your final decision on keeping your baby or placing then for adoption. I work with teen moms and have seen then accomplish amazing things in spite of their age or education status. I understand it can be very hard either way. .I encourage you to look at parenting/ adoption support programs that can offer you support during this time.  Good luck! I wish you only the best :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I think you are making a fantastic choice. I am 28 years old, finished university, married, own a home, have a stable job and this baby was planned and tried for... And I'm still worried about how good of a parent I will be and how much harder life is going to be now that the baby is coming... I'm lucky to have had these life goals completed before having my child, but I could have very easily been in your boat in university before I found my husband... Adoption is a wonderful gift you are giving to a family that can't have children, and to the child you are carrying. I have friends who have been told they can not have children, and have been trying for a long time. They are in an ideal situation to provide a child with and incredible life and will truly love a child and be amazing parents... I would check with your doctor, or public health clinic for support groups as I can not imagin how hard this will be for you. I wish you all the best in your pregnancy and to your future after your pregnancy. You are so strong and making a wonderful decision.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey, you seem like a very strong woman to be wanting to be giving your son up to a family that you think would be better for him. I'm 20, I just found out I'm having a boy. Though, no matter how hard it has been for me with the BD not helping, college and not working. I still couldn't give my child up, his changed my life so much already and I just know him from little flutters +ultrasound pictures.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm 17 years old and due May 5th 2015. I support you putting him up for adoption if you really don't believe you will be good enough. &; I want you to know that many teens who are still in high school do it. My friend is a single mother and in high school still and is doing it. I just can't imagen how hard it would be to carry a baby for 9 months and then just give him away. I support it though! Thank you for at least giving him a life and not choosing abortion!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
No offense taken. I've thought long and hard about it and I know I'm not ready to be a parent. I haven't finished college and I'm not strong enough to be a single parent because I know the father won't be in the picture. And I know there are couples out there that want children and are ready to be parents and I want to bless them with the opportunity.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Please dont take this to any offense. But, why can't you raise this baby boy?
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Pregnancy: May 2015 Babies Community

Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Get information and tips on how to help you choose the right place to deliver your baby.
Get the facts on how twins and multiples are formed and your chance of carrying more than one baby at a time.
Learn about the risks and benefits of circumcision.
What to expect during the first hours after delivery.
Learn about early screening and test options for your pregnancy.
Learn about testing and treatment for GBS bacterium.