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Baby Shower Drama
Ok so my boyfriends mother wants to throw me a baby shower but she doesn't want to invite my family and my friends. I don't want to even go to the party that she is throwing for me, I appreciate the effort but she is gonna have people I don't even know it's literally all her friends and his family. I get along with some of them but most of them are nothing but drama all they do is drink and fight at parties. Is it wrong that I don't want to go?
Mirandags, I've been thinking. You don't want a war with your future mother-in-law. You don't want more baby things. You don't want a shower, especially with this contentious crowd, and you think her idea of throwing a shower was really more about having a party for her son's sake than for yours anyway.
Why not, when you are gently turning down her offer of a shower for all the diplomatic reasons that aren't about the fact you're mad at her, (i.e., you're too tired, don't need stuff, dislike showers), suggest as though you just thought of it, "Say, you know what? Sonny [i.e., your boyfriend] is feeling pretty pushed out of things, why don't you throw sort of like a bachelor party for him losing his freedom from fatherhood? He would love it! It would be a blast!" If her real hidden agenda all along was to have a party for her son, she might go for it, and then you would be off the hook, wouldn't have to go, and (especially) would not have escalated the fight.
Why not, when you are gently turning down her offer of a shower for all the diplomatic reasons that aren't about the fact you're mad at her, (i.e., you're too tired, don't need stuff, dislike showers), suggest as though you just thought of it, "Say, you know what? Sonny [i.e., your boyfriend] is feeling pretty pushed out of things, why don't you throw sort of like a bachelor party for him losing his freedom from fatherhood? He would love it! It would be a blast!" If her real hidden agenda all along was to have a party for her son, she might go for it, and then you would be off the hook, wouldn't have to go, and (especially) would not have escalated the fight.
TIhats rude even if she is paying! A baby shower is about the baby coming and his/her monther not the father! I wouldn't go. Let him be the guest of honor! For me if I went to a "baby shower" and there was no mommy to be I'd be like wtf!! It's gonna look dumb on her without you there!
I think sending her boyfriend and not going herself would pretty much be an open escalation of hostilities. The original post said her boyfriend's mom is throwing the shower "for me." (Not for her son, even if the o.p. feels it really is all about the woman's son.)
Once the statement has been made, to her and to others, that the shower is for her, if she were to choose not to go, that's just a slap in the face of the mother and everyone who attended expecting to see her.
Given the situation, she can foresee it will be hard to enjoy the shower, and she doesn't want more stuff, so she could certainly politely bow out as being too exhausted, too busy, and not interested in having a shower. But it would be a very different thing to allow it to continue in her own honor but not even deign to go.
If the o.p. really, really doesn't want to go to the shower as it is set up, she should simply tell her boyfriend's mom that she appreciates the thought so much but she does not need a shower and is not having any. Then it's up to the mom to throw a party in honor of her son if that is what she wants to do.
Once the statement has been made, to her and to others, that the shower is for her, if she were to choose not to go, that's just a slap in the face of the mother and everyone who attended expecting to see her.
Given the situation, she can foresee it will be hard to enjoy the shower, and she doesn't want more stuff, so she could certainly politely bow out as being too exhausted, too busy, and not interested in having a shower. But it would be a very different thing to allow it to continue in her own honor but not even deign to go.
If the o.p. really, really doesn't want to go to the shower as it is set up, she should simply tell her boyfriend's mom that she appreciates the thought so much but she does not need a shower and is not having any. Then it's up to the mom to throw a party in honor of her son if that is what she wants to do.
She can still get the stuff and not go. It's for her son remember, he can get the stuff and bring it home.
Go to the shower. Take all the free stuff and return it. Use the money and open a saving acct for the baby.
Both family's should unite and join together. There are both going to be related to your baby. So when your baby turns 1 are they going to have 2 separate parties. No they will come together to celebrate. I wouldn't go to the baby shower. If she's having it for her son he can open up the gifts and what not.
Hi, you're saying you already have all the baby stuff you need and you assume this overly dramatic group is going to degenerate into a problematic event? That's a different thing than someone who needs the support. I would simply tell her that it is very nice of her, but you don't plan to have a shower at all. Maybe that will work, though she does not sound like the type who listens to much. lol
Exactly!
I mean literally I just want my mom and immediate family there which is literally 3 extra people family wise and 2 friends that I really want there. I was planning just to go have dinner with them instead of a shower, I have already bought everything the baby is going to need. We have the crib pack n play diapers to last a lifetime clothes bottles socks shoes car seat stroller literally everything. That's why I said a baby shower wasn't necessary.
I mean literally I just want my mom and immediate family there which is literally 3 extra people family wise and 2 friends that I really want there. I was planning just to go have dinner with them instead of a shower, I have already bought everything the baby is going to need. We have the crib pack n play diapers to last a lifetime clothes bottles socks shoes car seat stroller literally everything. That's why I said a baby shower wasn't necessary.
I will say that maybe you could have a shower with your side of the family. I'm also having two showers one thrown by my Bestfriend and the other one done by my mom and aunt . I didn't even want one but they both really wanted to plan one so I just let it go and let them do it but also these are people who I know genuinely love me and I know they are not doing it for show. Honestly even though it may suck I would probably just go and try to be nice I mean you might get some stuff you need. But I also don't know the depth of the situation either cause I don't think its fair for you to be uncomfortable at your own shower
At least you have someone who wants to throw you a shower. A lot of ladies write in saying nobody wants to do it, and that is a very sad thing to feel like nobody even cares enough that the baby is coming to want to go through the hassle of throwing a party.
I agree with ftmat29, even if there is drama, and even if she is a pain in the behind, go and role model being a gracious person. She is the going through all the hassle and cost of throwing a party. The hostess gets to invite who she wants to invite. Obviously it would have been gracious of her to talk over the list with you and ask you for a few names of people to invite, but she didn't, so let it go. Your family can host another shower and they won't have to feel obliged to invite her or your boyfriend's family at all if they want to be *** for tat about it. (Though they could certainly get back at her by having a formal afternoon event for ladies only with all the teatime trimmings and inviting her and your boyfriend's elderly aunts. Show 'em how it is done.)
This does not mean you have to stay at the shower a moment longer than social decency requires, and if it's a nighttime event involving drinking and things degenerate into a brawl, you certainly are allowed to suddenly feel ill and have to go home.
But the person who said you at least get things for the baby this way is not wrong. You're not bridezilla who gets to command everyone, you're getting a party thrown for you by someone else, and they are the one who gets the say. But you get the loot. So, go, and pretend to be very gracious. :)
I agree with ftmat29, even if there is drama, and even if she is a pain in the behind, go and role model being a gracious person. She is the going through all the hassle and cost of throwing a party. The hostess gets to invite who she wants to invite. Obviously it would have been gracious of her to talk over the list with you and ask you for a few names of people to invite, but she didn't, so let it go. Your family can host another shower and they won't have to feel obliged to invite her or your boyfriend's family at all if they want to be *** for tat about it. (Though they could certainly get back at her by having a formal afternoon event for ladies only with all the teatime trimmings and inviting her and your boyfriend's elderly aunts. Show 'em how it is done.)
This does not mean you have to stay at the shower a moment longer than social decency requires, and if it's a nighttime event involving drinking and things degenerate into a brawl, you certainly are allowed to suddenly feel ill and have to go home.
But the person who said you at least get things for the baby this way is not wrong. You're not bridezilla who gets to command everyone, you're getting a party thrown for you by someone else, and they are the one who gets the say. But you get the loot. So, go, and pretend to be very gracious. :)
I had 3 showers with my last pregnancy. One from church, oNE for my inlaws, and one for my family and friends. Be the adult and live by example...my mom's fav saying comes to mind as well....always smile, it'll make them wonder what you're really thinking ;)
Keep in mind most people do one shower for each side of the family. Go to the shower and be the better person. If her friends want to give you free baby stuff take it.worst case you can return the Things you hate for diapers later.
Ps- if her problem with your family is that she wants them to contribute, suggest a potluck.
Tell her that she's being rude and inconsiderate and if your family and friends aren't invited, you aren't going to be there. If anything this baby is more yours than his and you have just as much of a right if not more to have your family there. It is absolutely pointless to have more than one baby shower, not to mention just plain mean. If this is how she's going to start off her relationship with you and your family, life is going to be absolutely horrific for you. If you do this and don't speak up for yourself now, you'll be having separate birthday parties for the next 18 years plus. Which is pointless and confusing for your child. Not to mention expensive for you. All of that aside, a baby shower is for YOU. Period. YOU are the guest of honor, and YOU should be pampered and waited on hand and foot and not have to worry about anything that day. This is not about her OR her son.
I wouldn't take parts in it because just like she loves her son you love your family and friends and its not RIGHT for her to be inconsiderate to you so don't get involved with it
Honestly I wouldn't go cause thats not right. She is rude and CHILDISH. She should be woman enough to at least invite people you want there. Just do one yourself sweetie
Honestly I would not go. It sounds rude that she doesn't want your loved ones there and that she's only doing it just for her son! I'm sorry but forget her.
I honestly just a didn't want one.
She says she's only doing it for her son and if my family wants to go to a party they should throw one themselves
She says she's only doing it for her son and if my family wants to go to a party they should throw one themselves
What if you have a seprate one of just your friends or family?
& why doesn't she want your family or friends there?
& why doesn't she want your family or friends there?
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