Depressed

[kfrye14]

I'm 26 weeks & my life is falling apart. My husband left me in the middle of my 1st trimester (this is our 2nd child together), because in his words I am psycho. I have bipolar disorder that I learned to cope well with off medication; when I wasn't pregnant. I feel so alone, unwanted, unloved, like a failure. I admit to being so upset & hurt at times & saying things I later regret. Theres no telling him how I'm feeling because I'm just a crazy person. I have nobody to talk to & in reality nobody cares to hear it anyway. I want to disappear. I'm failing my children. I'm sick of crying & overthinking. I don't want a divorce. I just want the only family I've ever had back. I'm ready for the rest of this pregnancy to fly by so I don't feel this way anymore & maybe I can be normal again. My doctor was going to put me on an antidepressant when things first fell apart but I was too scared of what it might do to the baby if I took it. Is there anything I can do that doesn't involve being on medication? I also just found out that I have gestational diabetes so I'm stressed with that & learning to keep my sugar down also.

[kfrye14]

Yes

[specialmom]

Ugh, well.  He's not being a partner.  he's being a boy.  Running away from real life.  Does he abuse alcohol or have a drinking problem?

[kfrye14]

We had talked about marriage counseling before he moved out. I wish we could've started that. He says he doesn't want a divorce. Some days I just don't know. Usually he will spend the night 1 night a week. I work 3rds, he works 2nds & the rest of the time he would rather be with his friends getting drunk & whatever else they do. Some days are so great; he says things that builds me up & makes me think he will come home soon & then something else happens and all of that is blown out the window. And money is getting to me. I have rent, gas, electric, food, & a cell phone bill to pay. Christmas is coming & our sons birthday 2 days after. I don't have money for presents. My husband wont help me out with that either, I've tried multiple times. He's also on the phone plan & hasn't paid anything towards it since July. This entire situation has my head a complete mess. I just want to disappear.

[specialmom]

Oh goodness, you sure are going through a rough time hon.  I'm sorry it is like this!  Well, could you offer to go to couple's counseling with your husband to see if things can be mended?  Is there any hope that he will want things to be repaired so that you two can work on this?  

Also, as you say that you say things out of anger and that are hurtful in the heat of the moment.  Well, clearly he does as well.  Calling you psycho and bipolar and crazy are examples of that.  Honey, if you had a true psychiatric condition, he'd not be the first to notice. And your doctor would treat you for bipolar disorder.  You are human and have some issues with self control.  THAT you can work on for sure.  Learning not to be hurtful when angry or fly off the handle or blow up easily are all things people can control, hormones or not.  So, you can work on that for sure.  But his comments implying you have a mental health disorder are unkind and probably wrong.  Is he a psychiatrist?  So brilliant that he can now diagnose people?  Doubt it.  

I think being blue and 'depressed' are only natural when someone that you really count on at a vulnerable time in your life like pregnant with baby number two breaks up with you!!  It would not be normal if you DIDN'T fall apart to some extent.  right?  If this happened to your girlfriend, would you expect her to be like "oh well . . . la dee da."  Nope.  She'd be a wreck.  

So cut yourself some slack.  

Back to the relationship, do you think there is any hope that he'd go through counseling or is he dead set on divorce?