Feeling alone and need to vent

[thisisridiculous624]

I have been married for 9 years and with my husband for 15.  We have a 4 yr old and I'm 35 weeks pregnant.  It has been a rough yr for us. I had a miscarriage last year followed by surgery and am now pregnant.  I have terrible morning sickness all pregnancy  and am generally a miserable pregnant person. This has been hard on r relationship and we have had r issues in the past. Sex has been absent for most of the last year because of me and being sick/pregnant. Most recently he has been very distant and on FB all the time. He is on a chat board which has lead to him friending a women who lives in another state. They have been messaging,last night until 4 am when i woke up to go bathroom and told him to go to bed.  He says it is innocent and he just enjoys having people to talk to with similar interests but it gives me an uneasy feeling.  He has never been unfaithful to me. I don't know if it is just hormones or what but needed a place to vent. Thanks for listening.

[B1128]

This is a major redflag in my book. He's staying up until all hours of the night talking to another woman? He's in chatrooms seeking other woman? This is problem and it should definitely be addressed. We as woman feel enough during pregnancy and don't need the man who is supposed to be by your side only, looking to be beside someone else. He says its innocent? Come on. If it were innocent, he wouldn't be up all hours of the night, he wouldn't be on chatrooms seeking other woman besides you to talk too. He is very capable of finding a male friend, he is speaking to another woman for everything but innocence. This is not what innocent looks like. As far as her being out of state, well thank God for that because if she were closer chances are it wouldn't be just talking. What would he have to say then? Oh its just lunch no big deal. No. No way. Boundaries are clearly being crossed for you and he's trying to make it seem like its no big deal.

Sex can infact be sex, but emotional, in my opinion emotional cheating is the worst. And I would say there's a fat chance he's not emotionally connecting to this random woman who he went seeking for in a chatroom, who he either gave or received a phone number from. I would absolutely not guard yourself from speaking to him. When sex isn't in the picture when our partner is interested in it but it is not mutual, some, not all, do go searching for what is missing. A relationship is two ways, and if he's needing something it is up to you to meet him half way. Pick one of your better days, and do it when you are able. You can't just keel it from him and expect him to be on board. Not saying his actions are appropriate, because they are far from it. He is a grown man and knows what he is doing is unfaithful.

Don't put up with it. Stand up for yourself and end this "innocent" talking. No one who is married or in a relationship goes onto chatroom for pure innocent mingling. He needs to get dude friends and be respectful towards you and your kids. He is not only doing you wrong, he doing your kids wrong too.

[kaydeem]

Some intimacy would prob make you feel better though (:

[kaydeem]

So sorry to hear this...First of all he needs to be there for you being sick especially pregnant and this pregnancy being so hard on you. I let him know it bothers you, of course but dont let this start an ongoing arguement. Dont let this other woman bother you..she does live out of state but id let him know he needs to find another pin pal cause you may feel disrespected and if he understands and has no ties or mayjor interest in her, this shouldnt be a problem. Dont feel like its your fault cause a relationship needs to understand each others feelings. Also, that beautiful baby growing in your tummy will be well worth it and what more could any couple ask for. Dont stress momma!

[mags242001]

1st sorry that ur going thru this especially when ur pregnant.. 2nd I have to agree with ppl who have commented... yes we can have friends but when there is texting back an forth especially at those times there is something there. Not that anything has happened because she lives in another state but he is definitely searching to have a fling or a side excitement. U have invested 9/15 years in this marriage if u still love him. Which I can see u do u have to change even if it's hard for u make an effort. Spend alone time with him, make him feel wanted and appreciated and more than anything remind him of why you all dell in love with each other. Sometimes during pregnancy we forget that's it shouldn't be all abt us and the baby, but we can't forget abt our partner. Because little incocent friendships/flirts can destroy a marriage. Try to ignore the fact that he talks to her or don't yell at him or go crazy cuz it's just going to cause more problems n push him away more. Just change ur attitude and make him feel wanted and needed.  

[Marrie_33]

I agree with the last post because even a man just having long conversation with another woman can turn into sometimes especially when that's what's missing in the relationship sometimes in relationship especially when we are pregnant we are sick and don't like being intimate with our husbands or boyfriends but we sacrifice because we know its something most men can't go without I hope everything works out for the best!!

[willtowin160]

I would nip this in the bud immediately. In my marriage we have firm boundaries and out of love and respect for one another we don't cross that line bc we know it will hurt the other. I recommend talking to your hubby and tell him how this makes you feel and really open up to him. And really listen to his reasons for not being able to feel he can get this same stimulation from you. In his mind it could be innocent and he may truly have no intention of meeting her. BUT this behavior opens a door that can be hard to close. What happens when his emotions continue to get stronger for her? Will they text, talk on the phone, will he visit her? What happens when the need that is being filled by this girl is no longer enough and he finds someone in his everyday life? And speaking from experience with a past relationship it is always best to confront these issues head on asap. I hope everything works out for you and your hubby:)

[Myeverything843]

I agree with ^^.

[bassnqueen24]

Most innocent friendships lead to not so innocent especially when there is no intimacy at home. I think it's time for you to put your crown on and have sex with the hubs and make him feel wanted and needed. Often we focus on ourselves because let's be real pregnancy ***** for the most part. Just my 2 cents. But I'd definitely nip that friendship in the bud.