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Baby shower drama
So the time is coming soon! Which is why I thought it was about time I start sending out invitations and figuring out exactly where we plan on having our baby shower. I spoke to my mom over the phone to see what her thoughts are on a venue. Then she says why are you worried about it you are not suppose to be planning your shower. Ok fine, less work for me I hate planning events anyways. But I thought I would at least have some input. So I said well the invitations have to be sent out soon or else everyone is going to have an excuse as to why they can't make it, being that October is right around the corner. Then she says well if they can't make it they can't make it. Afterwards I started stressing the whole night bc my biggest concern is the guest list. All of our friends seem to be doing coed baby showers and I notice my husband kept saying this friend or that family member of his is asking when is the baby shower. So I know if she excludes his family/friends out of it he is going to feel some type of way. And how would she get that info being that she has not asked him yet or my best friend? I went over my family's house and over conversation I asked her did she want to send me the guest list, and she seemed agitated about it. And reluctantly said yeah send it to me. I am certain the next time I bring it up it is going to lead to an argument. I am going to sense attitude from her again and then I am going to be ready to lash out. I talked to my husband about this and my best friend and they think I am afraid to talk to her or afraid to hurt her feelings. When it really is I'm afraid to get angry, start crying and get upset because stress is the last thing I need right now. I just don't want the hassle of the frustration because right now I feel its impossible to keep my cool if she says one sarcastic or smart comment. I am so annoyed by it part of me just wants to send over the guest list and let whatever happens happens :-( sorry just had to vent. I feel either choice I make is a no win situation.
Yeah I definitely feel you on this baby showers are very stressful. I had mine two weeks ago and alot of people who claimed they were coming didn't show up this was my first and last baby shower but if I did it all over again I would have choose not to have one are just invited family and called it a day
I also agree with AnnieBrooke, but wanted to add my personal experience. My sister threw me one big party with both families, and friends with guys included. It was fun, but a little overwhelming, and I didn't get to spend as mich time with everyone as I would have liked. In hindsight, it would have been nice to have a couple of smaller showers rather than one big one. Maybe if you bring that up with your friend and husband, you can get them on board with the idea of doing a separate shower.
I'm also not sure where your friend got the idea that it wouldn't be "right" to have another. As AnnieBrooke pointed out, it is actually typical for anyone who wants to host a shower to pick their own guest list, and its not uncommon to have several.
I'm also not sure where your friend got the idea that it wouldn't be "right" to have another. As AnnieBrooke pointed out, it is actually typical for anyone who wants to host a shower to pick their own guest list, and its not uncommon to have several.
This is why my husband is planning my Baby Shower... to keep out a lot of Disturbance & Drama.
I'm sorry your best friend was not on board to have a friends' shower, those are fun.
Think of yourself like a politician travelling through his or her state in an election year. Sometimes you are treated to a sundae at the Dairy Queen by the mayor of Hicksville for $1.69, and 4 people show up to meet you. Sometimes you are invited to the Crystal Ballroom in Bigsville for a $1000-a-plate fundraiser where the senators and the millionaires come to meet you. Do you act less gracious at the Dairy Queen? No, you go in and have fun. Why be snooty, it's support! And that is what you want! (Or, if you really can't stand it, you just don't go. But a politician that forgets he or she needs voters is not a winner.)
Anyway, tell your friend you'd like to have a back-up plan in case you are deeply disappointed in the shower your mom is planning, and then go to the one your mom hosts first, before you put the backup plan into effect. You never know, you might love the shower she does manage to put together. Try not to do anything that makes you look like you don't realize she is doing this as a favor to you, it will fan the flames if you act ungracious. You can have as many showers (probably more to your liking) as you can coax friends into hosting them, so take the pressure off your poor mom. Good luck!
Think of yourself like a politician travelling through his or her state in an election year. Sometimes you are treated to a sundae at the Dairy Queen by the mayor of Hicksville for $1.69, and 4 people show up to meet you. Sometimes you are invited to the Crystal Ballroom in Bigsville for a $1000-a-plate fundraiser where the senators and the millionaires come to meet you. Do you act less gracious at the Dairy Queen? No, you go in and have fun. Why be snooty, it's support! And that is what you want! (Or, if you really can't stand it, you just don't go. But a politician that forgets he or she needs voters is not a winner.)
Anyway, tell your friend you'd like to have a back-up plan in case you are deeply disappointed in the shower your mom is planning, and then go to the one your mom hosts first, before you put the backup plan into effect. You never know, you might love the shower she does manage to put together. Try not to do anything that makes you look like you don't realize she is doing this as a favor to you, it will fan the flames if you act ungracious. You can have as many showers (probably more to your liking) as you can coax friends into hosting them, so take the pressure off your poor mom. Good luck!
I do agree with AnnieBrooke 100%
I will say this in my personal experience. My mother and sister both told me I was being annoying when it came to my babyshower because I number one didn't work so I had plenty of time to plan it and number two I also wasn't keeping in mind their budget. Anyway I did get everything I wanted just more near their budget.
I will say this in my personal experience. My mother and sister both told me I was being annoying when it came to my babyshower because I number one didn't work so I had plenty of time to plan it and number two I also wasn't keeping in mind their budget. Anyway I did get everything I wanted just more near their budget.
My best friend has been waiting for my mom to ask for her help. But again she has not included her. And my friend said she is definitely not going to contact her now bc she does not want there to be any tension and she would rather my mom reach out to her. I suggested that we do our own thing and let my mom do what she wants and then she was telling me she doesn't think that's right. But I would rather do that to have the shower that I want, it's my first and may be my only baby and my husband should be included it's his baby too.
Which is why the sip-n-see after the baby comes. You can do it the way you like, then.
The reason might be that she wants to invite a guest list the size she can afford, and to have the party she has in mind. When the event is a shower, the traditional way it is done is that the person throwing the shower calls the shots, and the person whose honor it is in, just appears and accepts what is offered and acts gracious.
It's common (or used to be) for a woman to have several small showers, each involving a different group of people (like, church, work, family), so a lot of times the hostess does not expect her shower to be one huge mama covering the load for everyone the pregnant woman knows. It's nice that someone is willing to go through the hassle and cost of hosting a shower, she is not obligated to do it. Some lucky girls get several showers because they have a lot of eager friends who want to host, wish I was them. :) My sister threw a little nighttime party for me that was like a shower, and it only included my maternal side of the family, and my neighbor threw one clearly intended it only to be for women in the neighborhood, and so my husband's relatives were SOL (because nobody on their side offered to throw one, and it was improper for me to throw one myself). That's just the etiquette of showers, they are voluntary on the part of the host, and because they are, you get what they offer and say thank you.
Sometimes a shower hostess asks for names of anyone she wants to invite, but she is not obligated to do this, and it is touchy even if she does, since she might not have signed up to host 100 people or whatever. (In the case of my neighbor it was clear that although she asked me for names, she intended it to be for the neighbors only. She was kind of surprised when I named my mother-in-law, and I could see that if I had also included my sisters-in-law, that was going to be more than she was intending. I think that, being old school, she was expecting someone else to handle a shower that included my extended family.)
So, in short, though you accuse her of having attitude when you want to give input on guests, though it is sweet when a shower host asks who you might want there, it is not required of her to do it. This is a voluntary party thrown in your honor, and though it would be nice if you could tell her who you want and expect her to invite them all, she sure does not have to, by etiquette and by common sense. She's the one who knows her limits (financially and in terms of the style of party she wants) and since it's being done for you, all you can do is appear and be gracious. Sorry.
It's common (or used to be) for a woman to have several small showers, each involving a different group of people (like, church, work, family), so a lot of times the hostess does not expect her shower to be one huge mama covering the load for everyone the pregnant woman knows. It's nice that someone is willing to go through the hassle and cost of hosting a shower, she is not obligated to do it. Some lucky girls get several showers because they have a lot of eager friends who want to host, wish I was them. :) My sister threw a little nighttime party for me that was like a shower, and it only included my maternal side of the family, and my neighbor threw one clearly intended it only to be for women in the neighborhood, and so my husband's relatives were SOL (because nobody on their side offered to throw one, and it was improper for me to throw one myself). That's just the etiquette of showers, they are voluntary on the part of the host, and because they are, you get what they offer and say thank you.
Sometimes a shower hostess asks for names of anyone she wants to invite, but she is not obligated to do this, and it is touchy even if she does, since she might not have signed up to host 100 people or whatever. (In the case of my neighbor it was clear that although she asked me for names, she intended it to be for the neighbors only. She was kind of surprised when I named my mother-in-law, and I could see that if I had also included my sisters-in-law, that was going to be more than she was intending. I think that, being old school, she was expecting someone else to handle a shower that included my extended family.)
So, in short, though you accuse her of having attitude when you want to give input on guests, though it is sweet when a shower host asks who you might want there, it is not required of her to do it. This is a voluntary party thrown in your honor, and though it would be nice if you could tell her who you want and expect her to invite them all, she sure does not have to, by etiquette and by common sense. She's the one who knows her limits (financially and in terms of the style of party she wants) and since it's being done for you, all you can do is appear and be gracious. Sorry.
I dont think you should settle. Its not that youre not being greatful but you were planning on doing it on your own. With so many birthdays and evwnts happening its good to send out invitations early. Just give your mom the list and let her know everyone is looking forward to your bshower.
Yes I get that. What I don't understand is why my input on guests does not matter and why there is an attitude about me asking about guests. Its not like that's blowing the secret.I really have considered doing a separate event bc since she has not reached out to the people I would like there by now chances are she has no intention of doing that. Both my husband and best friend seemed totally against the idea of doing a separate one. My friend was like its going to be weird people are going to wonder where your mom and family are. And husband said, Why? We should just have one and seemed pretty annoyed that his family/friends are bound to be left out of the one she is planning.
Just be greatful your mom is throwing you a shower. Am doing my own and it cause money. Find out the time and place and send out your invites to friends. And if people don't show up because it was last minute, its her, who lost out on money wasted.
It does sound a bit like a surprise is coming. Try not to overreact or you could wind up looking like a jerk.
If you don't get the shower of your dreams, have a sip 'n' see for all the people who didn't get invited to the shower, that you plan yourself and hold yourself, once the baby is born. Then you get to do it your way.
If you don't get the shower of your dreams, have a sip 'n' see for all the people who didn't get invited to the shower, that you plan yourself and hold yourself, once the baby is born. Then you get to do it your way.
I was thinking of doing two showers if she ends up excluding people. But my husband and best friend was like don't do that. And I didn't see what problem was.
Try not to stress I had the same problem come to find out my sisters and mom gave me a surprise shower this pass Saturday. My bf and his side of the family knew about it and my friends. Maybe that's what's going on with u. It's best to stay cool and let whoever is planning it do their job they will find a way to get in contact with friends and hubby's side of the family my sisters did. Good luck and congratulations:)
My shower was starting to get like that too. My mom kept saying she wanted to help but she pretty much wanted my boyfriends mom ( who I'm very close to ) to have no part in it. Finally I said whatever, planned my own with just my family and my future MIL is throwing me one with her family. My mom was absolutely impossible and I'm really mad I couldn't just have one with everyone because she acted like a kid. Its very stressful so I feel your pain.
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