Partners. Family

[louiselloyd89]

Sorry for long post. Im 23 weeks pregnant with first baby. Also my parents first grandchild and sisters first neice. Basically my mum has bought us loads of stuff for baby. For example. Cot. Moses basket. Baby wipes. Nappies etc and my sisters have got clothes and shoes. My uncle has got us nursery furniture. Which im so greatful for. My problem is that my OH family has done nothin for us or baby (i dont expect them too) but its like its ALL my side of family who is buying us everything. And i feel this is a bit unfair on my family as they have spent a lot so far. This isnt my partners first child (he has a 14 and 5 year old) so i understand they may not be so excited as hes had children before. But this is my first and our first together and feel like his family dont care. Am i being unreasnable?

[louiselloyd89]

Thank you all for your comments. Was having a down moment (hormones!)i am happy that ny family are excited for new arrival. I think the way my mum shows how she feels is by buying stuff (not a very emotional person) and i am just hoping his family are there for the baby when she is here x

[figaro08j]

Who cares if his family dont do anything for the baby.  Am sure your family not putting there self in debt to do things for the baby.  They do it cause it brings them joy in happiness. If his family keep it up your child will know who's there for him in the long run. And your family will always come 1st when it comes to spending time with the baby cause they where the ones who help.

[RockRose]

babyjacksonpotter,  is his sister more needy?  

I think often adult children view what parents are doing for one sibling and feel left out - when the truth is,  one sibling can't take care of themselves and the parents are really proud of the one who can.  

I think you should expect things from them - expect them to want to come visit the baby,  expect them to want to be a part of your extended family,  and I think you should include them.  

Sometimes,  you don't know what the inner workings of family dynamics are.

Best wishes.

[babyjacksonpotter]

I don't think you are unreasonable. I'm an only child and this is our first child and my parents have helped us so much with we've thing and his side has done mouthing for ua. This is his parents second grandchild and they do everything for my sister in law but nothing for my husband. It's not fair but I expect nothing from them and will give nothing to them.

[RockRose]

louis,  sometimes you just have to focus on the positive.  

No,  his family doesn't seem all that excited that you're pregnant.  Your mom is kind of over the top,  and by contrast you notice the baby's dad's family isn't focused on your baby.  

I think the more you dwell on that,  the less happy you will be.  I wouldn't bring up the comparison - ever - to your partner.  

Enjoy your baby and your new little family.

[Mimilove3]

I understand ur not asking for stuff which is great ur mom is blessing u. of course ur her baby too :) i think that my family will always be more happy for me than my husbands because im the sister/daughter and on my husbands side im just another sister in law ..there sisters will always be before my kids in away. I dont know if i make sense but as long as ur family and hubby r happy for u to me thats all that maters:) i always say my kids have more than enough love from my family that don't misss/need theres :)

[louiselloyd89]

So i just want to clear this up. I never once asked anyone to buy anything. I get random texts and msgs off my mum saying she had bought something. I dont sponge off anyone and if i couldnt afford to have a baby i wouldnt of  i just feel like his family arnt to excited about the baby and thats the thing thats hurts. Money and gifts is not wat matters to me. What annoys me most is thr my family are spending loads and we have heard nothing from them. Not even a txt to ask how i am or anything x

[RockRose]

Reading through your list,  I'm having a hard time thinking of other things you might need that haven't been bought for you already.

Are the two of you completely without money - is that why your family has left nothing for you two to buy yourselves?

[djddsmom]

If he already has kids, then no they are not likely to get this one anything other than maybe a toy or an outfit. Just be grateful that your family is being beyond generous.

[allsnowwhite]

I won't say you're unreasonable, you probably just have too high expectations. You shouldn't require anyone to buy anything for the baby except they were involved in the decision to conceive or the process of conception itself. Whoever gives you anything is being generous and u should just be thankful. Don't have a sense of entitlement, it might leave you dissapointed. All the best

[jessicups]

Do they show they are excited in other ways? Honestly I don't really see it as the families responsibilities to buy baby a bunch of stuff. Of course it's always nice if people do, but that's the choice they've made. It's unfair to put the same expectations on someone else, they may not see it as normal to be buying a ton of stuff. I had the same thing. My family threw my a shower, I got so many things from my side, honestly at least like 1500 worth of stuff. My husband's family just got us a sleeper, teddy, some books, a blanket. Which honestly is fine. I'm jus greatful for anything I get. Are you having a baby shower? Maybe they,are waiting to get you stuff then.

[mrsp416]

I underatand the hurt! My 1st child was the 1st grandchild both sides 1st nephew both sides everyone was thilled this time i am pregnant w my 2nd baby at the same time as my SIL and my MIL flat out said to me which was hurtful its not that i am not happy for you but right now its all about my daughter. My husband was shocked. They never ask me how i feel i send them updates about baby after appointments never comment or show excitement and one time she compared what i said about my little baby to what my SIL scan was. Our babys will he half a yr apart she is due in a few weeks yet i am so hurt and offended i told my husband do not tell them anything anymore unless they ask or show they care. If your at least getting excitement from them then dont stress about the baby gifts. Trust me. I am almost 12 weeks and all mine do is stress me out and make me cry because its all about their princess!!! Be happy your side is excited and helping like my side is. Keep your chin up!! Good luck