worried about telling friend

[mrs_g_2014]

In 8 weeks pregnant, waiting to announce my news after 1st scan. Getting worried about breaking the news to a friend who is desperate for another baby but is having trouble conceiving. Its become a massive part of her life and I know shes struggling. What should I do????

[Tavi12]

This is a hard one because I have been in your friends position although I never showed I was upset but I was always upset when friends or family would tell me they were but if she's a good friend she will be happy for you and know you are not trying to hurt her

[laurawr_madeline]

I was on the other end of the stick. My partner and I were trying for a while and all within 2-3 months I had my sister, 2 sister in laws and 2 cousins announce they were pregnant. One announcing it on mothers day. I was hurt and doubted myself more and more but I came around and accepted the fact that it is what it is and then lo and behold, we fell pregnant. Just break the news gently to her and don't approach it in a way where she might feel uncomfortable. If she's upset at first, she will come around. Just let her know personally before you announce it to the world. Good luck x.

[casey2pointO]

There is nothing you can do to make it easier for her. She will be happy for you but secretly hurt and have to fight her own jealousy monster. But you can't lie tell her and ask her what will help her be ok.

[KeriRob08]

Some people comments are kinda rude .

[Shohna]

I completely agree..i have one daughter who is nearly eight..my husband left me and I thought id never have another child..I simply cannot believe my luck that I get to be a mummy again now..but i would cry myself to sleep regularly and it always tore at my heart to hear ppl were pregnant .my sister and bestfriend were both pregnant at the same time and I helped with baby showers and was happy for them..but at times it hurt so bad..i never wanted my friend or sister not to be pregnant..you just want it so badly!im sure ur friend will be okay with you..i love that you are so concerned for her..it shows what a good friend you are..and im sure she will appreciate your compassion :)

[Billie925]

And can I just say that people talking about not conceiving is not seeking attention it's a very touchy subject for people and is think Mrs g is not doing anything wrong by taking other people's feelings is to consideration

[Billie925]

I was trying for 6 years my friend came off the pill and a month later she was pregnant she told me and I was over the moon for her. Tell her in private and she will be fine and happy for you
If you leave it until after Xmas I'm sure she will guess and be hurt you did not tell her
I think a lot of the comments directed at you are quite rude you sound a lovely considerate friend xxxxxx

[DBM_May22]

Hopefully she takes the news good. I myself was trying for 10months with no luck. And my sister who wasn't trying found out she was pregnant. She literally just got out of jail and got pregnant in less then a month, And I was so sad but I didn't let her know. I wasn't mad just a little hurt that I had been trying and she wasn't even trying. And guess What a week later I found out I was pregnant. she is due may 16th and I am due may 22nd.

[Tinuha]

i was in a very similar situation. my friends had been trying for almost 2years and we got pregnant the first month we tried. they were one of the first to know because we didn't want them to hear it from anyone else. and we saw them so much they would notice things like me not drinking. they seemed to take it really well and are genuinely happy for us but i know there has to be a bit of jealousy too its only natural when someone has something u want. we also experienced a bad reaction from my sister in law who has been trying to get pregnant too, but she's come around since and apologized for her reaction. so it may go either way but im sure in the end she will be happy for you.

[mrs_g_2014]

Thank you so much ladies kaysie03, nickizzy and rockrose, thats exactly how I feel and I dont see why the first 2 people who commented had to make me feel like I was wanting to rub it in her face??? Obviously I want to do the opposite, hence the post! Thank you for the support and advice. I will message her and tell her first  xx

[RockRose]

mrs_g I think it's very sensitive of you to think of her feelings during your time of joy.

I would tell her before you make the general announcement that she might hear second hand.  You know her best,  and how she would respond best,  but I'd be inclined to send her a loving email with the news and then call her later to talk to her.  That way,  she has a chance to compose her response and make it the response she wants to have to you.  

I've known women struggling with infertility who truly are happy for other women being pregnant,  and women who wish in their heart the woman would miscarry.  And some aren't good at hiding it.  

Blessings to you for being caring about your friend and prayers that she succeeds in getting pregnant.

[nickizzy]

If she's a close friend and it would feel special for you to tell her then tell her, she may be a little upset but as your friend I'm sure she will be excited. When I found out I was pregnant my partners beat friend had been trying for 2 yrs with her partner to no avail we told her that I was pregnant she was a little upset made a little snappy joke but it's actually been good for her I'm now 7 months she's still on fertility bit gets exited by my growing bump and all the pregnancy drama and it has distracted her from only being focused on fertility so your friend might feel the same.

[kaysie03]

Lol well geez am i the only one who didnt get offended by your post? It sounds to me like you genuinely care about your friend n dont want to flaunt it in her face.

[mrs_g_2014]

1st scan will be after christmas!

[kj_skibum]

You are 8 weeks and wanting to tell your friend right before Christmas....If you know the news may be upsetting then you can choose to have more grace than personal need for attention. What is your motive for telling now vs. waiting unyil after the holidays? Many people wait until after the first trimester at 12 weeks or until after the results of genetic testing at 16 weeks to tell family and friends. Why don't you wait to share your news with your friend/others until at least 12 weeks. Take her/others to coffee AFTER Christmas and say, "I have exciting news and know you will be happy for us. We are 12 weeks pregnant! We would have told people sooner but wanted to wait until I was through the first trimester." Most people know that the 1st trimester us a sensitive time when it is more likely to miss carry. Whatever you do DO NOT make a big production with your friend and do not tell her you were worried about her being upset by hearing happy news about your pregnancy! Moaning about not being able to conceive can be a woman's way of seeking attention and sympathy from others. She should be happy for you! Jealousy and coveting what others have and also making a big production of what you have and others don't is unhealthy. Both of you should be humble and have grace. Baby Making is Not a Way to Show Status or a Competition.

[mrs_g_2014]

I meant as in how do I break the news to her!!! Not how to give advice on conceiving.

[nessgarcia1593]

Tell her to tk vitex its a herbal supplements n works im living proof I have one ovary with cysts n tumors on the one I did hsve before they removed it this friends if urs was me after four years this is my 2pregnancy tell her but mk het feel more involved n to pray if shes religious say this to whom she believes in ......"_______" PLEASE bless me with the gifts you have for me not the one u have entitled for my neighbors nor my brothers and sisters but the ones u hsve for me she also needs to eat bby fertile foods have her contact me doc told me it would be impossible for me to have kids  n BAM LOOK AT ME