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Avatar universal

Who should I be upset with???? Please help!

My 9yr o son stayed home from school today because his leg was hurting him. He fell yesterday and the kid hasn't missed a day of school so I said ok you can go to grandmas with the two little ones. My 45yr old uncle lives with my grandparents and basically walks all over them. He's rude and doesn't help out at all. He gives himself such a sense on entitlement for God only knows what.
Well I told my grandma and my son this morning " NO outside, no playing around and NO xbox." Well I called around 10:45 and my son wasn't there. My uncle made him go with him to run some errands. I was sooooooo freakin mad! I specifically said no outside. If he's to hurt to go to school than he's to hurt to leave the house. My grandma said she didn't have a choice but to let him go. I know how intimidating my uncle can be but he's my son and I said NO. Like why don't they respect it. So I told my son he was grounded for the day for leaving the house.
But now I'm feeling bad like I know how my uncle is and he can be very mean and I know he made my son fi with him. And on the other hand I'm like my grandma should've stepped in better and said no he cannot go. Period. But she didnt she let my uncle walk all over her and if she let's him that's her but she should've never let my soneave when he was in her care. What if it was a kidnapper or something she would've let him go...who should I be upset with??? My son for going or my grandma for allowing him to leave?? I'm not even going to confront my uncle because he's gonna swear I'm wrong so its pointless.
16 Responses
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Avatar universal
I was actually having breakfast with my son and my daughter before dropping them off at school lol. It's fine now, I just know next time take the day off:)
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Avatar universal
^^i bet that got your blood pumping first thing in the morning lol. Im sure you have the situation smoothed over now? :) did you ever get it worked out with your uncle?
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Avatar universal
AnnieBrooke...No I do not "take advantage" of my grandma. I pay her to watch my kids because I do not want them in day care. And a day care provider wouldn't allow my kids to leave with anyone.
And for the fact that I have not drawn the line does not mean I don't have anywhere else to put my kids...it means if it really becomes an issue I will quit working because is rather stay home than put my babies in day care. There's nothing wrong with it but its just not something I feel comfortable doing. Your basically saying I'm settling for crappy child care because I don't have a choice. No I trust my grandma more than anyone I know and I get upset that she's old and my uncle totally disrespects them. That's what pissed me off. If my grandma didn't feel up to watching my kids she would tell me which she has done more than once and I'm ok with that. My son is not at fault. I was mad yesterday and I apologized for getting after him its not his fault.
And I do not want my uncle out of the picture so I can take advantage of my grandparents. That's a shady thing to say when you know really nothing about me.
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4774515 tn?1359650004
I can understand being upset with your uncle for not respecting your wishes. Maybe next time just have your grandma come over to your house to stay with your son (if that's possible)...that way you could avoid dealing with the uncle altogether :)
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134578 tn?1693250592
OK, let's see.  You get free day care from Grandma?  Or do you pay her?  If it's free, is she happy and willing to be the place you turn for day care for two or three children?

If you pay her, and don't like your domineering uncle and his style, look around for somewhere else to put your kids that will take the same amount.  Because your uncle lives there.  He is going to be around.  Criticizing your grandparents for "letting him walk all over them" is not going to change anything except give you an ulcer.  Besides, it sounds like you rely pretty heavily in that direction too, so it's not like you have the moral high ground.  You don't want to look like you're mad at them giving the uncle some space because you want him out of there so you can take better advantage of them yourself.  Point is, regarding your uncle and his relationship with your grandparents -- you cannot control this.  Your Grandma is intimidated by him or allows him to get away with stuff.  You cannot control this so you may as well stop getting mad about it, it's "what is."  If this was not a relative, and you had your kids in day care there, and some domineering relative of the care provider were often in the house, what is the first thing you would do?  Get the kids out of there.

The fact that you haven't drawn the line that you might, as a parent, suggests that you don't have any choice about where you put the kids.  In which case, try not to waste your energy getting mad.  You get what you pay for.  Grandma does not have to 'control' Uncle, it's her life and her relationship with him.  It would cost her more than it is worth to try.

Don't be mad at Grandma, that relationship is a given.  Be mad at Uncle only if he knew absolutely that you did not want your son to leave the house in his company.  (Perhaps he knew you told your son not to go outside, but it is still possible that your uncle thought you meant not to go out in the yard and play, since your son is nursing a sore leg.  Which your son did not do.  It's quite possible the uncle did not understand that this prohibition was supposed to cover anything your son might do besides sitting down and getting well.)  If your uncle is not a parent, I would not be surprised if he didn't have a clue about exactly what your motivation was when you told your son not to go outside.  If I were a kid being told not to go outside, I would assume it meant don't go outside and run around and play when you are only out of school because you got hurt.

You sound like you're mad at the situation, and have taken it out on your son because he also failed to completely understand that the prohibition on going outside was meant to be a prohibition on doing anything besides sitting around in the house getting well.  I don't think it sounded like your son defied you or sneaked around your back.  He was swept along by his dominating (and adult) relative, and didn't have an explicit instruction from you about what to do in that circumstance.   I'd cut the kid some slack and remember he is only 9 and this is an uncle who pushes people around a bit.

See what you can do about the daycare situation knowing Uncle will still be there whenever he wants.

Good luck.

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5094917 tn?1366986485
I bet it is cause I have a aunt just like that and I be ready to kick her A double S
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Avatar universal
You guys are right...thank you. It's just really annoying
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5094917 tn?1366986485
Yeah just take the day off next time and then you don't have to worry about that happening. Lol good luck
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5094917 tn?1366986485
I understand what you are saying about him not being able to go to school but listen to what you just said... Your uncle does it all the time! I think you know who to be mad at you just don't wanna confront him because its a battle your going to lose but if it was me I would speak my mind anyway. If your not going to be mad at him then you shouldn't be mad at anybody because this is all his fault.
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Avatar universal
I have been going thru a lot of stress with my mom and when I have an argument with someone its all I think about. I just didn't wana have an argument and be stresssed out again. Now I know next time ill take the day off of work lol.
And I told my son he wasn't grounded anymore...he asked what did that mean lol.
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Avatar universal
But I see it as your to hurt to go to school than your to hurt to leave the house period. Regardless of what he's leaving for.
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Avatar universal
That's my point. He knew I told my son not to leave and he still made him go. It's like they don't care cuz they're gonna do what they want either way. My uncle does this to my grandparents all the time. And if I wouldn't have called my grandma would've never told me he left. I just called my uncle and he said don't be mad at Mikey I told him to come with me. And he keeps trying to defend what happened. It's pointless talking to him cuz he swears he's right. He does this to them all the time and to my grandma he doesn't do anything wrong. It's fustrating. He doesn't see anything wrong with underminding me.
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Avatar universal
Oh I'd be mad at tht uncle! I would've went 50 shades of whoop a s s on him! Lmao
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Avatar universal
That being said, in my opinion you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. If he was going to do errands then he wasn't just taking your son out to have fun. He was probably taking him with him so they would have some company, or to give grandma a small break. I would be a lot more upset if he took him out to play or go have lunch. Not trying to upset you, just trying to give you an outsiders point of view.
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5094917 tn?1366986485
He may swear your wrong but that is the person you should be mad at just like you don't wanna have a confrontation with him neither did your grandma and he could have made your son go just because you said not too! So he is to blame!!
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Avatar universal
I wouldn't be upset with your son. He's young and it sounds like your uncle has a position of authority, as  ill gotten  as it was (I say that because you don't want him to have authority) so your son went with him, because he was following orders from an elder. I would ungrounded him. It's not like he went outside on his own free will and was playing and having a grand old time. I would be slightly upset with grandma. If your son was left in her care she should have put her foot down and kept him home. But really, I would be most upset with uncle. And I would  have confronted him regardless of the way he would have answered. You are his mother and you set rules. Uncle should have abided by those rules. But it's probably too late to say anything to him now because he'll just tell you that you should have said something earlier and it will turn into a whole different argument.
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