am I mean ? has anyone else felt this way

[jasmine1670]

I'm not due until January 25th but when I have the baby my husbands mom wants to come down and stay for 2 weeks....now please don't get me wrong I love my husbands mother and she's great but my husband only gets 2 weeks paternity leave and I feel like that little time should Be spent between me,  him and the baby . I try to keep in mind that this is her first grandchild and that's she's really excited but she sometimes can sort of take over and she's already saying this is HER baby and I just want to come home and do things MY way with my new baby . Also I only want me and my husband in the delivery room! His mom wants to be in there but I really just want me and him and my mom but I know thats not fair to his mom its just I'm a HUGE mamas girl seriously everytime I'm having a really bad day as far as morning sickness and things like that I go straight to my moms house! I may just have to sacrafice and just make her happy...Am I being mean or hormonal. Sorry for the long post

[hothotsauce]

I feel the same way about not having house guests and nobody but my sweetheart in the delivery room. If anyone gets their feelings hurt, they'll just hafta get over it. It's not their body our their baby, so they don't get a say. Period. And anyone who is ok with guilt tripping about decisions over a very private, personal moment is a jacka$$

[dasart13]

If she starts suggesting you do things her way, take it with a grain of salt. Seriously, the mothers of us newer mom's will almost always disagree with our ways of parenting. And sometimes they will be right. But just acknowledge what she says, keep it in mind in case your way doesn't work out, but continue with your method until such time comes about.

[nikki471]

I would ask her to come when the hubs goes back to work. Also im gonna be one of those crazy mil i have 4 boys and im due in 11 days with another i have one daughter who was my youngest well is still for now. But i hope to be able to see my boys babys be born. I let my mil in the delivery room and she was better than my mother lol. I understand its weird but she counsiders u a daughter and u the other mom i dont see y not but hey its just my opinion.

[AnnieBrooke]

This is why your husband should be the one to talk to her.  

[jasmine1670]

And I also HATE hurting peoples feelings also so i wouldnt know how to tell her she was being overbearing if she started to be....

[jasmine1670]

Lol I would love for her to come and stay AFTER he goes back to work or even a few days before that's no problem and its a good idea but I just don't want to have to be a hostess while she's here or feel like Im rude for being tired or things like that and like I said I love her but she's kind of.....well controlling and that's why at least the first week I would want it to just be me and him. this is my first baby and I'm not opposed to having help I'm just scared that she will want to sort of take over or tell me how I can do things "better" like on one occasion when we first got married I said I would like to use cloth diapers if or when I had a baby and she said that was stupid and I wouldn't want to clean up the mess.....there's certainly a better way she could have stated her opinion but anyways I guess we'll try to have her come after maybe the first week and we'll see how it goes

[lousie_1986]

Can she stay the 2 weeks after? Or overlap a couple of days so she sees her son too? It would be much more helpful to you to have her help once your husband is back at work.

And you'll just have to be honest about the delivery room thing. My MIL dropped in when she found out I was in labour - we hadn't planned this at all - and she is usually the most quiet, unassuming, loveliest lady out. When labour started to get worse I didn't want her there, not coz she was awful, just because it's not what I'd planned so I asked my husband to ask her to go as I was getting claustrophobic!

If your MIL is a really nice woman, she'll understand and not get offended.

[megmariehebert]

You are not wrong I am the same way I got so mad when she called my little boy her baby and she wants to run the show I know she'll be offended but my mother and fiance will be only ones in delivery room she can get over it lol sorry if I sound harsh

[lguzmom]

Could you ask her to come after your husband goes back to work? That way you would have help, she could spend time with the baby, but your husband would be able to spend time with you and baby alone first.

[Mopemoha]

Obviously coming from a different culture. I also do not want to have my mum (or MIL) in the room during labour. My mum will probably freak out and panic about every little thing. However, the plan is for her to be at home because I feel the first few weeks is when I need the most help so my mum is coming to help and MIL is going off to SIL ( due around the same time) otherwise she'd be at mine. However, they'll be there to help with things like cooking, bathing baby, changing baby etc and you just feed the baby. Everything I'll be rusty about (and to make sure I do things right) but as I said, it's probably a cultural thing. I know friends whose mothers stay for approx 6 months. We do tend to love and appreciate it. They get a chance to be mothers all over again and they lend a helping hand. And I'll be the one saying your baby to MIL Lol.

[AnnieBrooke]

One possibility is to have your husband ask her to stay at a motel, explaining it is so you can have alone time, and tell her you would love to see her from 10 to 4 (or whatever hours work) but that the two of you need not to have to be "on" as host and hostess.  Part of what is going on is what is it she is coming to do?  Will she be there to cook, shop, clean and do the laundry?  If not, who will cook and clean for her?  It is probable she mostly wants to be there because she wants to hold the baby, not to be the maid. Unfortunately, if she is around, you will almost need a maid unless she does her own cooking and cleaning (and probably some of yours).  If it is just you and your husband alone at home, you won't care if your laundry piles up or the dirty dishes are on the counter, but the minute there is a guest in the house, you will feel obliged to run around and clean up, and that is a big nuisance when the baby is your primary focus.  It was very hard for me to have my mother and stepdad around to visit when our baby was tiny, because they would show up around lunchtime and it didn't occur to them to bring lunch, and it was a hassle to get up from resting or nursing to make them lunch.

That said, some of this happens anyway (if you think anyone is going to visit -- friends or family).  You will find that you are a bit pressured to do cleaning that you would otherwise have been willing to slide, and to make food or at least make sure there is something to drink or to snack on for guests, just  because people have come to visit you.  If your MIL is willing to take on the job of keeping the house presentable and making sure there is food available and preparing some meals and keeping up with the laundry, she might be a HUGE help to you.  It would have been very luxurious to me to have someone who took care of all of that while I took naps.  So, if your relationship is good, you could talk to her about this.  Explain that having a houseguest makes you feel pressured to do hosting duties, and you don't want those duties in the first two weeks after the baby comes, but if she wants to take on the meals (at least for herself, and this can include ordering in pizza, it doesn't have to be scratch preparation) and the laundry and keeping the main rooms tidy for guests and also doing laundry, she would be very welcome.  Otherwise, the hotel option.

[dasart13]

And also, I had the same issue with my exes mom calling my son "her baby." I think that is more or less a hormonal thing bc of course she knows it's not hers. I brought it up to my ex once, he talked to her about, and she stopped. Even told me herself that she didn't mean any harm. And that's when I had to admit I was just being hormonal. After all, it was her first (and still only) grandchild. She was just excited.

[jasmine1670]

And if I do decide to have my mom (which i may or may not) I will definitely include her lol so no I don't think your rude I wouldn't do one without the other because I also know my mother as well as his mother will be new grandparents and it wouldn't be fair to have one without the other in my opinion

[dasart13]

MaYbe she could come stay/visit during part of his 2nd week and then the next week. That way at first, you get the time you want but then she'll be around some to help still after he returns to work.

And as far as her being in the room, it could actually come in handy. When I delivered my first, I was only going to have my then-boyfriend and my mother in the room. I was only supposed to be allowed 2 people. Last minute, I convinced the staff to let his mom stay in there also so she could take pics for me. This time around, I've settled on my bf and my sister, and his mom to take pics. Honestly though, I only invited his mom in so that he won't ***** ab how I let my exes mom in the room. And I also wanted my mom and not my sister, but she seemed a little upset ab not being asked and my mom said to let her in bc this may be the only time she gets to witness this and that she (my mom) will stay right outside the door just in case anything goes wrong. I'm a huge mommas girl also.

Actually, just last week I told my bf that if my best friend lived in my state dtill, he'd be lucky if I even asked him to be in there. Bc at that point, I'd only want my mom and my bestie in there lol

[jasmine1670]

Thanks so much! I just wanted another woman's point of view before I talked with my husband but he agreed that she shouldn't stay the two weeks and that we should just have our alone time as far as the delivery room goes first ill have to see how many people they allow but chances are it will be me and him which is fine

[LuciaMR]

I wouldn't want my mother in law in the delivery room, it is our moment,  and i don't want to be stressed about other people...but I also don't want my mom with me...but I told her to be closed just in case in change my mind in the moment of truth and i start crying for my mommy

[mommyzoelina]

I think it's very understandable if you may not want her there, while your husband only gets 2wks with his new baby. This is a special time for the new family! Although it doesn't seem fair you want your mother to welcome baby into the world and his mother isnt welcome to share in the celebration and awesome experience. Yes you have to sacrifice some. I hope you can understand how much of a blessing a new baby is to an entire family. I apologize if I may come off as rude. But I think you should be considerate of your MIL feelings. Or how about your husbands, maybe he would like his mother there? Good luck!

[xoxoslamb]

I think it's weird when anyone's mother in law wants to be in the delivery room.  it's your husband's mother,  not yours.  he's not the one having a baby,  you are.  that's so awkward & uncomfortable. & I'd that's all the time your husband gets then it should only be between you two.  she's a grandma now,  not the mother & I think whether it's mean sounding or not, she needs to know her role

[RADB88]

I don't think you are being mean or hormonal! I would want that alone time too! Maybe you could let her in the room during delivery and tell your husband she can't stay with you the first two weeks. Like a compromise.  I'm personally not having anyone in the room but me and my husband. But I guess I could change my mind on that if I thought I needed mom when the day comes.